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To ask DH to stop vaping?

(129 Posts)
HTKB Sat 06-Feb-16 22:38:38

DH and I have been on and off smokers for years. I quit in June as I fell pregnant. He had been on and off vaping and although he did quit smoking in June, he really really struggled and took up vaping again in about October. At the time I was unhappy as I felt we didn't know enough about vaping and effects on a newborn, as well as co-sleeping, which we will almost certainly do as we did with DS.

We agreed he would quite vaping on the 1st Feb. I am due beginning of march.

DH duly stopped vaping on 1st Feb, as agreed. But he's really, really struggling. The problem is is he is very stressed.... He has a full on job and we are also refurbing the house which of course we are in a rush to do before the baby arrives. Plus we have a 4 year old, and DH has an anxiety disorder. He is constantly busy, his head is always full of the next job to do, and the next, and the next.... He gets absolutely no down time as we rush to finish the house. I've had a dreadful pregnancy and haven't been able to help as much as I'd like.

In the evenings, after dinner he used to take himself off for twenty minutes and sit in a darkened room and have a quiet vape. I suspect he did a similar sort of thing at work. He has quit now, and he wouldn't start again unless I gave him the go-ahead, but I'm feeling dreadfully guilty. I can see my lovely DH really struggling with everything and his outlet gone. But I just can't see how we can co-sleep and care for a newborn when we know nothing about the long term effects of vaping?

MotherKat Sat 06-Feb-16 22:43:57

Could he take the 20mins to read/meditate/crochet beards for cats?

Crispbutty Sat 06-Feb-16 22:49:16

I think you are being ridiculously over anxious. Let him vape as long as it isnt near you or the baby.

BeezerBubble Sat 06-Feb-16 22:52:10

No risk to bystanders, your mans doing good

bakingcupcakes Sat 06-Feb-16 22:54:22

I don't think he needs to quit vaping. Provided he's not doing it in the bed/over the baby. It's got to be much better than smoking.

TooOldForGlitter Sat 06-Feb-16 22:56:21

Really OTT. He's breathing out steam. You might as well ban the kettle.

U2HasTheEdge Sat 06-Feb-16 22:57:32

No risk.

It's fine smile

Quodlibet Sat 06-Feb-16 22:59:38

I thought there was evidence that 'passive vaping' can pass on toxins to others? I used to have to spend lots of time in a car with someone who vaped, and ended up with a horrid cough and exacerbated asthma. Might not have been the vaping but it certainly felt like there was a correlation.

WhatTheActualFugg Sat 06-Feb-16 23:00:04

95% safer

Not 100% safe then?

Not that long ago the NHS also said Thalidomide was safe. Look how that ended. hmm

OP your child's safety is of course paramount. Trust your instincts.

VioletVaccine Sat 06-Feb-16 23:00:25

The guy has given up Smoking - that's amazing in itself. Give him a break.

altctrldel Sat 06-Feb-16 23:02:34

The most harmful thing in e cigarettes is the nicotine. Unless your DH plans on doing the breastfeeding, it isnt going to harm your baby.

Do i believe vaping helps stress? No, complete opposite actually (coming from someone who vapes herself and has noticed it seems to increase my anxiety/stress when Im feeling that way)

But if he thinks it does and it helping him then leave him be. Just ask him to respect your wishes and to do it out of the way of you and your child.

And with the greatest respect in the world- he could step outside the front door tomorrow and get gunned down by ninjas. Yes, it might kill him- but so might millions of other things.

whatwhatinthewhatnow Sat 06-Feb-16 23:04:39

My mums car stinks. I develop a cough if I am in there for any length of time too Quodlibet. Even 20 mins in there can get me wheezing. I'd ask him to stop OP, but its your choice.

altctrldel Sat 06-Feb-16 23:04:46

WhatThe- e cigarettes are currently under going testing by the NHS to be given as stop smoking devices. There is no evidence that proves they are dangerous OR safe. But a lot of articles online have traced back to big tobacco companies that funnily enough, loosing money.

Quodlibet Sat 06-Feb-16 23:05:03

From Wikipedia:
E-cigarettes create vapor that consists of ultrafine particles, with the majority of particles in the ultrafine range.[6] The vapor has been found to contain flavors, propylene glycol, glycerin, nicotine, tiny amounts of toxicants, carcinogens, heavy metals, and metal nanoparticles, and other chemicals.[6][26] Exactly what comprises the vapor varies in composition and concentration across and within manufacturers.[23] However, e-cigarettes cannot be regarded as simply harmless.[27] There is a concern that some of the mainstream vapor exhaled by e-cigarette users can be inhaled by bystanders, particularly indoors.[28] E-cigarette use by a parent might lead to inadvertent health risks to offspring.[29]

It's not just exhaling steam.

U2HasTheEdge Sat 06-Feb-16 23:05:18

Actually, trust your instincts is often crap advice but it is trotted out here all the time.

Instincts are often muddled by your head. Plus, in this case they are wrong.

He is vaping in a quiet room, presumably one where the baby isn't going to be. Do people think that 5 minutes after he has vaped harmful substances will linger and cause problems for the baby? That's not really how it works. If he was vaping around the baby I would understand that more, but away from the baby what possible harm could come to it?

AgentZigzag Sat 06-Feb-16 23:05:28

Agree you're being over anxious/controlling, but kind of understandably so if you've given up recently too.

He should give MotherKat's suggestion of crocheting beards for cats serious consideration though, there must be a fetish market for that out there somewhere and I'd love to see the results grin

shiteforbrains Sat 06-Feb-16 23:06:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpringHasNearlySprung Sat 06-Feb-16 23:06:31

We agreed he would quite vaping on the 1st Feb. I am due beginning of march.

Surely it's up to the individual to stop?

he wouldn't start again I less I gave him the go ahead. Who are you to control if your DP vapes or not? YABU and controlling.

altctrldel Sat 06-Feb-16 23:07:12

Holy shit Quod. Because its on Wikipedia it MUST be true

sarcasm hmm

U2HasTheEdge Sat 06-Feb-16 23:08:27

Laughing at the wiki link!

whatwhatinthewhatnow Sat 06-Feb-16 23:10:37

Clothes stink after being near this stuff so it does linger.

And it's just not in my instincts to puff on a weird manmade contraption, full of unknown manmade synthetic substance, in close proximity to a new born baby. My instinct says that little one should get as natural untarnished breathing air as I can realistically provide.

HTKB Sat 06-Feb-16 23:10:42

Controlling? He's a grown man, I've not wrestled anything out of his hands. I asked him to stop vaping, and he's done so.

I'm not an anxious or risk averse person, really. It's just the link between smoking and SIDS is so strong. What if you do continue to breathe out something for hours after vaping? If in twenty years they turn round and say vaping and co-sleeping causes x, and our baby had x?

Some things you can't foresee, so you can't worry about them. But if it turns out there is a health risk, and it's something that crossed my mind and I ignored it, I could never forgive myself.

altctrldel Sat 06-Feb-16 23:13:56

OP I mean this is the nicest way possible. None of us are fortune tellers. You dont know if its going to happen- and life is too short to live by "what ifs".

U2HasTheEdge Sat 06-Feb-16 23:14:13

Clothes do not stink after being near someone vaping. That is just bullshit.

The point that you missed is that he isn't going to vape around a baby. OP said he does it in a darkened room.

He goes into a room, or outside. Comes back in.. baby is fine and no one is vaping around it.

Quodlibet Sat 06-Feb-16 23:14:28

No fair enough, Wiki is not a bullet proof scientific source. It is fair game to be challenged and edited though if false claims are made. But to be honest I have huge doubts about the veracity of the scientific evidence saying vaping is harmless; as pp pointed out, a bit of digging sees a lot of connections to e-cigarette manufacturers funding the studies. Much as the tobacco industry did for 20-odd years when 'cigarettes definitely didn't cause cancer'.

I am massively sceptical about the claims that vaping is harmless. I don't have any advice for OP apart from to support her concerns that they haven't really been proved harmless.

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