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AIBU to feel so strange and not know what to do?

(90 Posts)
musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 21:32:27

Went on laptop before, accidentally went on DHs Facebook.

I read his messages (I know.)

The thing was he was joking and laughing with his friend about something that happened years ago but it was something awful and tremendously disrespectful to a woman.

I feel like it might not have actually happened.

But AIBU to feel weird about it, like I want to confront him but also don't.

I feel like I am repulsed by him, by what he said.

liberatedwine Sat 06-Feb-16 21:39:44

Confrontation is the answer - don't bottle it up, tell him what you read and how it's made you feel.

musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 21:41:04

But he will just deny it. Even if he does - I feel like somethings shifted, changed.

FlatOnTheHill Sat 06-Feb-16 21:59:41

Is it that bad? You are anonymous so a bit more info would be helpful OP for us to give an opinion as to what you should do.

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:02:01

What was this thing ?

And why can't you talk to him about it ?

musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 22:03:28

I can't say, I really can't.

It involved pretty awful (sexual) treatment of a vulnerable person though.

Esmeismyhero Sat 06-Feb-16 22:04:22

So basically your dh is laughing, joking about a possible sexual attack on a vulnerable person? Was he involved from what you can see?

liberatedwine Sat 06-Feb-16 22:05:27

More information required - was he joking about assault of some kind? confused
Something sexual/illegal/abhorrent?

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:05:58

Well that sounds like several shades of shit

I would confront him about it. Can you do that ?

liberatedwine Sat 06-Feb-16 22:07:47

Cross-posted, oops. He was joking about sexual assault? CONFRONT him for goodness sake!

MajesticWhine Sat 06-Feb-16 22:08:24

You have to talk about it or forget about it. Obviously it has disturbed you a lot so the latter is not going to be an option.

GlitteryFluff Sat 06-Feb-16 22:08:27

I'd ask him about it.

musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 22:08:31

Not assault - AF, I think he'd just deny it. I do think, possibly, that it didn't happen at all (maybe just wishful thinking) but it kind of doesn't matter. Even if he just thinks it's a funny story it changes how I see him. Does that make sense?

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:09:21

It makes perfect sense

musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 22:15:02

I'm glad you said that, because if this thing happened - I couldn't go near him again. But if it didn't happen and part of me thinks it didn't, but even if he just thinks if it had happened it would be funny, it's still wrong. It still makes him a repulsive person.

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:16:32

Repulsive is as repulsive does...right ?

musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 22:18:31

I've still no idea what to do about it.

Esmeismyhero Sat 06-Feb-16 22:18:35

What was it? sad I was raped when I was 14, the repercussions of that we're huge. I had a concealed pregnancy, depression even now, trouble with future pregnancies etc.

If that wanker and his mates were laughing about what he did it me, If their wife found out, I'd want to know she would do something iyswim.

Sorry this is a bit of a sore subject for me.

musthavebeentimeless Sat 06-Feb-16 22:20:11

Nothing technically illegal, it involved a sex worker.

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:20:46

Sorry to hear that Esme

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:22:07

Actually timeless, I am not sure I want to know what he was minimising and joking about

You know if you want to be with someone who can do that. The ball is in your court.

ohtheholidays Sat 06-Feb-16 22:22:14

Musthave if it was me I'd have to confront him about it.

Esmeismyhero Sat 06-Feb-16 22:22:28

A sex worker is still a human with basic rights. blood boils

Thanks AF was a while ago now but still hurts alot

AnyFucker Sat 06-Feb-16 22:23:56

Yes, I am feeling some proper hate for this man right now. I am very glad I am not in a relationship with him.

manicinsomniac Sat 06-Feb-16 22:24:38

I'm single so could be wrong about this but ... isn't reading someone's private fb messages a massive violation?

I can understand you feeling sick to the stomach about it but I don't think I could confront him as I would know I was in the wrong as far as the relationship was concerned (though obv he is in the wrong with his values/sense of humour).

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