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To apply for scary even tho he doesn't want me to keep the baby

(42 Posts)
Mummystar123 Sat 06-Feb-16 17:47:44

I found out I was pregnant and my ex Wanted me to have a termination. I have decided that I am keeping the baby and the advice on here and from my friends is to apply for child support but..... Is that not really harsh for me to do that when he wants nothing to do with our child. My ex husband and the father of my other children has a great coparenting attitude and it's never been a problem asking him to go halves on stuff for kids and he shares nursery fees etc.
I want to give me child everything they need and I'm getting varying opinions about this being reasonable or not

Mummystar123 Sat 06-Feb-16 17:48:56

Cs a not scary lol

LaurieFairyCake Sat 06-Feb-16 17:49:20

Of course you have to, it's for your child.

If he didn't want kids he could have tied a knot in it.

Oysterbabe Sat 06-Feb-16 17:51:04

Of course it's reasonable. The child is his and he should pay for it, simple as that really.
Not that it matters but did he wear a condom? If not he has even less grounds to object.

Nottodaythankyouorever Sat 06-Feb-16 17:51:36

Of course apply to CSA but don't expect him to go halves on everything like your exH

Littlefish Sat 06-Feb-16 17:51:57

Whether he wants you to have a termination or not is nothing to do with the issue of child support.

He chose (or agreed) to have unprotected sex, I presume, in which case he is equally responsible for the upkeep of his child.

RudeElf Sat 06-Feb-16 17:53:35

He created a child, that comes with a responsibility to provide for it. He may have opted out of providing emotional and practical support for his child, however financial support is compulsory and the government back you up on this.

lazyarse123 Sat 06-Feb-16 17:54:20

It's not harsh to make him pay towards the child he helped create. If he didn't want children he should have prevented it. Just because he doesn't want it and you do shouldn't make any difference. Good luck whatever you decide and congratulations.

Mummystar123 Sat 06-Feb-16 17:59:44

We did use condoms when we first met but then i went on the mini pill and switched to the combined pill but I has a bought of sickness with the kids which is around when I switched pill and I got. Caught. It was a terrible situation as lid also found out I was the ow and well it was just awfulness!
I will apply for child support and put in the child's account to use for whatever he or she needs.
Thanks for ur responses

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Sat 06-Feb-16 18:18:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Sat 06-Feb-16 18:18:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazyarse123 Sat 06-Feb-16 18:36:54

Doesn't matter if you were on the pill it takes two to tango so should take two to prevent. What a bastard to put you in the position you are now in.

DontCareHowIWantItNow Sat 06-Feb-16 18:53:11

It was a terrible situation as lid also found out I was the ow and well it was just awfulness!

You were the OW?

Does he have other DC? That will also affect any CSA you will get.

RudeElf Sat 06-Feb-16 19:02:01

You were the OW

Yes i think thats what she meant by "i was the Ow"

Mummystar123 Sat 06-Feb-16 19:14:21

Hi I did not do that Giraffe. We did talk in depth about contrac prion as I did not want to stop using condoms and at that time we discussed if I ever got caught and I said I could never have a termination. He said that was fine and that he hated condoms which is the only reason I agreed to stop using condoms and rely solely on the pill, I know I've been and idiot.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe Sat 06-Feb-16 19:17:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

starry0ne Sat 06-Feb-16 19:19:37

No he is as responsible as you... It is not unreasonable for him to support his child...

DrCoconut Sat 06-Feb-16 19:20:57

If you don't need the money and he wants nothing to do with the baby my advice would be to cut your losses and go NC. It's easier and less stress. Best decision I ever made. But not the right one for everyone. You have to do what is best for you and the baby.

TwoKettles Sat 06-Feb-16 19:24:00

Omg what a weasel he is. Wonder how he's going to explain the situation to his wife or girlfriend haha wouldn't like to be in his shoes. Make the right decision for you and your unborn child, and good luck !

SaveSomeSpendSome Sat 06-Feb-16 19:25:19

With regards to your recent post yes do put in a claim with the CMS which used to be the CSA.

He knew the consequences of not using a condom, you had discussed what would happen if you were to fall pregnant etc..

Basically he just said what you wanted to hear so he could stop using them.

honeysucklejasmine Sat 06-Feb-16 19:25:32

Popping the money in an account for their future sounds like a good idea. flowers

starry0ne Sat 06-Feb-16 19:26:43

I think the other consideration is you never know where life will leave you...Your EXh may be objectionable if you don't claim CSA as feel he is supporting someone elses child but also your ability to work,childcare costs will also increase.

LazyDaysAndTuesdays Sat 06-Feb-16 19:27:06

If he has other DC then they will also be involved in the calculation.

Also, and I don't mean to upset you, but be prepared for him to want a DNA test. Especially if he is still with his partner and they don't know about you.

SaveSomeSpendSome Sat 06-Feb-16 19:39:46

Totally agree with the DNA test comment.

MrsTerryPratchett Sat 06-Feb-16 19:46:56

He wasn't using condoms while two-timing two women? Scumbag.

I work with teens. often with single mums, and I know that the ones whose fathers paid for them felt that they had some contribution. It's hurtful to children for their fathers to do nothing.

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