To stay at a friends house?

(200 Posts)
Snowberry86 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:47:20

This has caused a lot of tension between me and DH but I just don't see the problem with it so please tell me AIBU?

I have a female friend at work whose house I go to one night a week for tea. Because we like to have a glass of wine (and watch a film in our pj's) I stay over and go straight to work the next day.

My DH has no issue with me going for tea, but doesn't like me staying over night and would rather I come home. I see no problem with it, we don't have children so have no commitment at home and I am always in the other 6 nights and have no hobbies.

We have agreed to disagree on it, I am still going every week but he is sulking about it every time.

So AIBU to stay out overnight every week?

ExitPursuedByABear Sat 06-Feb-16 16:49:23

Hmm. Not sure. I can see both sides.

<gets splinters in arse>

expatinscotland Sat 06-Feb-16 16:50:46

Hmm. It all sounds a little Brokeback Mountain to me.

gamerchick Sat 06-Feb-16 16:50:56

I don't think either of you are out of order. I don't think I would like my husband sleeping elsewhere once a week but our set up is different.

He's allowed not to like it just as you're allowed to do what you want.

WorraLiberty Sat 06-Feb-16 16:51:27

YANBU at all.

What reason has he given?

Murphyslaw21 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:52:44

Difficult but can I ask you how would you feel if once a week he stayed at a friends house. And be honest

Quoteunquote Sat 06-Feb-16 16:52:54

Could she come over to yours and stay the night occasionally, then he could get to know her.

And why does it bother him, has he said.

I would love to have a free house every now and then.

MadameDePompom Sat 06-Feb-16 16:52:55

I don't really understand why he'd be put out by this.

PotteringAlong Sat 06-Feb-16 16:53:01

I wouldn't like it either. It sounds a bit odd to me that grown women would watch films in their pj's and drink so much wine they couldn't get themselves home every week on a work night.

RudeElf Sat 06-Feb-16 16:53:07

What is his reason?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:53:15

I think YABU.

Once in a while fine. A weekly arrangement, not so much.

Snowberry86 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:53:45

He goes away with friends at least twice a year for a long weekend and will stay at a friends sometimes if he goes into town drinking to save me picking him up.

He doesn't say why, just that he likes to go to bed with me. I've said I like to go to bed with him too, but for one night I want to see a friend and it is just easier to stay over as she lives 30 minutes away.

Brightnorthernlights Sat 06-Feb-16 16:53:45

Sleepover/tea every work with work colleague does seem a bit excessive, but can see both sides.

ArkATerre Sat 06-Feb-16 16:54:05

I think I'd rather get a taxi and go home to my own bed as once in a while is me thing but every week would be a bit much.
It's nothing to do with your DH though, so he is being a baby for sulking about it.

tkndnv Sat 06-Feb-16 16:54:44

He is being totally unreasonable. Why on earth should he object? YANBU.

Oysterbabe Sat 06-Feb-16 16:54:46

Sounds fine to me as there's no kids.

Snowberry86 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:55:26

She has kids so can't stay here during the week, but she does stay in school holidays sometimes and brings them with her.

I honestly wouldn't mind at all if he stayed out one night every week. I love having the place to myself.

LaurieFairyCake Sat 06-Feb-16 16:55:52

What's good for the goose is good for the gander

Tell him you're happy not to do it if he never stays anywhere over night again

Maybe that'll make him realise he's being a bit unreasonable (or slightly controlling). I can't bear sulking, find it really annoying.

RudeElf Sat 06-Feb-16 16:56:02

It sounds a bit odd to me that grown women would watch films in their pj's and drink so much wine they couldn't get themselves home every week on a work night.

My sister is grown 28YO and does this regularly. She lives with my parents and doesnt drink so its nothing to with "drinking so much wine". Is it odd that she does it too?

theycallmemellojello Sat 06-Feb-16 16:56:18

I think you're within your rights to do so obviously, but I'd be sad and hurt if my DH stayed away one night per week. How hard is it to get back?

Snowberry86 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:57:30

Pottering along- I only have 2 glasses, but I wouldn't drive after one.

If I drove back home it would mean a 10pm drive in the dark for 30 no it's on country roads. So it has always just seemed more sensible to stay over and genuinely didn't think it would be an issue for him.

theycallmemellojello Sat 06-Feb-16 16:57:40

Xpost - she lives 30 mins away?? I can see why he's hurt.

MadameDePompom Sat 06-Feb-16 16:58:54

I honestly wouldn't mind at all if he stayed out one night every week. I love having the place to myself.

I think that's it then. He takes it a personal snub whereas you don't see time away from each other as being an unpleasant thing.

I'm like you. I love having the place to myself from time to time.

RudeElf Sat 06-Feb-16 16:59:39

XPost - she lives 30 mins away?? I can see why he's hurt.

Why? confused

Arfarfanarf Sat 06-Feb-16 16:59:48

What is his issue with it?

If there was something he did that you didnt like, would "i dont see why she doesnt like it so im still going to do it" be ok with you or would you hope that he would say "ok, i dont understand why this upsets her but i understand that it upsets her and there is an easy compromise that i can make that ensures i still enjoy what i am doing but not at the cost of upsetting her"

If it was me i would just stay dressed instead of snuggling into my pyjamas and I'd enjoy my wine and get a taxi home. But id feel a bit silly having pyjama parties at my age plus i feel like its quite a 'couply' thing to do.

End of the day he has no right to tell you what to do but it would be nice if both of you were willing to compromise on things that either of you do that upsets the other.

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