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To not want to go see dps niece

(14 Posts)
Abbinob Sat 06-Feb-16 15:59:54

I know this is horrible of me, I know.
Became pregnant about the same time dps brothers girlfriend did.
I had a termination at 12 weeks, hyperemesis and I panicked.really regret it.
Dps neice was born today and were supposed to go and visit in a couple of weeks but I just cant, saw a picture on Facebook and cried.
She looks lovely and DS should go meet his cousin I know but I just feel so sad, when I should be happy for them.
But the newborn snuffly smell and the bottles and the Moses baskets and the cuddles and the tiny little yawns, I just cant help but feel sad that it's not us with a new baby.

FellOutOfBedTwice Sat 06-Feb-16 16:04:29

Do you have children OP? You have my sympathy. I had HG in my first pregnancy and was in hospital a lot- like whole months. Im pregnant again now though and whilst I've got other issues- placenta torn a bit, currently on bed rest- no HG (touch wood) so it may not happen again if you do decide to try for another.

ScarlettDarling Sat 06-Feb-16 16:07:09

No, yanbu. You are definitely not being horrible. It's understandable that going to see the baby would be really difficult for you at the minute when things are very raw. flowers

Abbinob Sat 06-Feb-16 16:09:33

I have a 2 year old, barely even had morning sickness with him, in fact I was 15 week when I found out I was pregnant so no symptoms at all.
I want to try for another but I'm scared if I get sick again about looking after ds, I couldn't do anything it was horrible but at least I'd be prepared next time I suppose it was a bit of a shock and I just totally panicked that DS was suffering (he was- I'd have to pop him in travel cot with toys and just laid next to it trying to keep my head up, having to run off mid nappy' change to throw up and I couldn't make him dinner just had to give him lots of unsmelly snacks until dp got home, wasn't fair on him at all)

Abbinob Sat 06-Feb-16 16:33:49

The problem is that they live a while away so we'd have to stay over night, if I do go I think I'll offer to take their older DS and mine out to give them a break and avoid being around all the baby stuff but I'm worried about coming accross as rude or uninterested, its not that it's just that it's just a reminder that is have a newborn right now too if I didn't make the decision I did sad

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Sat 06-Feb-16 16:37:06


flowers don't beat yourself up about it. At all. You have to do what is healthy for you. Take care of yourself.

MiddleClassProblem Sat 06-Feb-16 16:42:03

Is it possible to just be honest with them or at least one of them? It's no feeling of malice towards them, it's purely mourning and completely understandable x

NuggetofPurestGreen Sat 06-Feb-16 16:42:43

Oh you poor thing. No you're not being horrible, that would be so difficult flowers

AlwaysHopeful1 Sat 06-Feb-16 16:47:39

thanksYanbu at all. Is it possible for your dp and ds to go alone? Surely you and dp can come up with an excuse that Suits you till you are ready.

Abbinob Sat 06-Feb-16 16:51:34

DPs mum hates me and I know if I don't go shell make a massive deal out of it and probably tell them I'm being nasty. Woman's a witch. She threatened to tell my parents a)that I was pregnant and B)about the abortion hmm
Wasn't telling anyone about the pregnancy because I hadn't decided what to do and it was no ones business. She found out because she's a nosy fucker and thinks everything is her business

3WiseWomen Sat 06-Feb-16 17:19:52

Send them an email congratulating them on the arrival.
Invent a bug, (let's say you have D&V and really don't want to take the risk to pass it on anyone else) and let your DH go to visoit them with your ds.

I appreciate it will take some time but you will feel more and more comfortable around her.

flowers HP is hard, very hard.

Allalonenow Sat 06-Feb-16 17:39:20

You poor soul, it doesn't sound as though you are ready yet to see your DN, it's very early days for you.
Why not let your DP visit them on his own?
It won't matter to your own little boy that he hasn't met his cousin yet.

There seems to be a lot of pressure on you to fill family obligations and expectations, but I'd say put yourself and your own needs first.

Abbinob Sat 06-Feb-16 23:30:29

OK good news there coming down in a couple of weeks and staying at dps mum so can just stop by and see baby rather than having to stay for two days, should be easier but is still going to be hard, was trying to look for a little outfit/present yesterday and was getting myself so upset, I'd get so to do it but he's clueless

MiddleClassProblem Sun 07-Feb-16 01:19:42

Take your time. And allow yourself to grieve while you browse too. It's important you don't let yourself feel that you shouldn't be grieving. Yes, it happened a while ago and yes, it's now their time to celebrate but that doesn't mean that this means you can't be hurting. These things are not mutually exclusive. You know you will mourn in private, try to hold it together when you are there and then let it out when you are home. Time will heal as much as possible but don't be hard on yourself in the meantime x

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