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aibu to be scared and say no thanks but thank you for your offer

(52 Posts)
creamponies Thu 04-Feb-16 19:20:53

well i have started but will happening during this week unpaid trial in a large company

and i went to visit to see where it was, and time myself from where my bus stop and general noisiness.
I was completley flabbergasted i am am so chuffed to bits. But my mother who has loads of negativity says to me don't get exited, it wont lead to anything, yadda
Couldn't she be a bit nicer to me just for once. I worked my butt off in college and I haven't worked in years

But she is stopping me for being excited for my own good.
so When i looked at the company today i came back completely deflated anyone that work their was in these lovely suits, and the dress code is business attire.
So i went looking at clothes and me being very heavy i am limited to what i could wear. and cost being a factor to however i would try and get some outfits this weekend.

But i suddenly hit me. That i have very little social skills in a office setting. I will be a new girl for a little while i don't want to be an over-sharing my information . I want to be polite, and fit in, and do whatever that is required of me but i am scared of letting them( co workers )seeing the real me.
At this moment i just want to this job so bad and get a good reference of them The idea of saying my name and introducing to people is scaring me at right now i agree with my mother to turn down this opportunity.

FrozenPonds Thu 04-Feb-16 19:29:16

No, don't turn it down.

Honestly, it is so normal to worry about stuff like that - everyone does it!

Raid Primary and buy dark coloured trousers, skirts and a few white shirts.

When you are introduced to someone, just say 'Hi, nice to meet you, I'm X' with a big smile.

Everyone will expect you to be nervous, they will have been the same at some point.

Ask what they do for lunch, admit to not knowing stuff if you are lost, people will take you at face value.

You just have to play the part, til you get the hang of it.

Think of what you will achieve if you just run at it. What do you have to lose?

Neverpolishghillies Thu 04-Feb-16 19:29:28

You won't know until you try,

Start thinking what you can do, and stop thinking negatively about what you can't do.

Everyone on the planet has insecurities, the best way to avoid them controlling you is to focus on the positives.

FrozenPonds Thu 04-Feb-16 19:30:36

Primark! Nor primary grin every time!!blush

bornwithaplasticspoon Thu 04-Feb-16 19:31:21

Go for it op. Everyone there was you at one point. Be yourself and don't worry about admitting you are nervous, they will understand.

Best of luck.

228agreenend Thu 04-Feb-16 19:36:09

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go,for it. You are bound to,be nervous, everyone does when they start a new job. People will help you and don't be afraid to ask if you get stuck.. They won't expect you to be Bill Gates after one week.

As someone said, buy some navy or black,trousers, and some shirts.

Good luck.

creamponies Thu 04-Feb-16 19:36:34

thanks posters.
i have raided primark but they dont do over size 20 im about 22
i wish i should have started my diet a lot sooner.

FadedRed Thu 04-Feb-16 19:40:01

Everybody has been the new person somewhere, sometime.
Please, please, please stop channeling your mother's negativity. Fingers in your ears and "la,la,la" grin
Sit in front of your mirror, smile and say 'Hi, I'm Creamponies, nice to meet you." You won't look anything other than a normal human being.
You do not have to share your life story with your work colleagues, they really aren't that interested tbh.
Charity shops, Matalan and Next are good for workwear. Couple of plain skirts/trousers and ring the changes with blouses and jumpers and maybe a couple of scarves to dress them differently. My first two interview/work suits came from the Oxfam shops.
Best wishes, Op.

Witchend Thu 04-Feb-16 19:40:31

Really, no one will mind. I felt like that when I started my current job. I hadn't worked for 15 years and even then it was for a friend.
No one has said anything about clothes, size or anything like that. I'm enjoying it most of the time too.

LalaLyra Thu 04-Feb-16 19:42:51

Asda George have a good range of smart enough trousers/shirts/skirts in a 22 and 24. They were my staple workwear (smart dress code, but I worked with kids so things got painted and sicked on). If your local store doesn't have a good clothes section you can order online and pick up in store the next day.

Good luck!

PiazzaDelPoppolo Thu 04-Feb-16 19:44:15

Tesco and Asda both do clothes suitable for work in a size 22 that won't break the bank. If you buy online you can have them delivered to your nearest store free.

Don't turn down this opportunity - you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. flowers

CottonFrock Thu 04-Feb-16 19:45:10

Try Evans, Dorothy Perkins, Marks? Don't let the clothes stop you. And some dark skirts and trousers and blouses will be appropriate for a lot of work environments, so see buying a few garments as an investment in your future.

And don't let your mother's negative voice in your head wreck this opportunity - I grew up with a mother who always expected us to fail and dedicated her efforts to dampening down our hopes about everything, and it was an exhausting way to grow up, and took a lot of effort to get beyond. Your mother has no idea how you function in work environments. Put her out of your head, and good luck!

StrugglingFool Thu 04-Feb-16 19:46:04

Next do larger sizes and u can pay for it monthly if u don't have the cash up front. They deliver the next day if u order before 10pm. smile

traviata Thu 04-Feb-16 19:50:11

Good luck! Remember - they asked you to come because they like you and they think you can do it. And you can.

TestingTestingWonTooFree Thu 04-Feb-16 19:51:09

Be brave. You will feel apprehensive whenever making a big change. Leaving it longer will not make it any easier.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone Thu 04-Feb-16 19:51:46

Tesco and Asda are good for larger sizes

If you buy two pairs of black or navy trousers, no one will notice if you alternate them every day (or where them two days running). A selection of plain shirts (watch for gaping at the bosom!) and smart shoes and you'll be fine.

Please please please don't let negativity stop you from this amazing opportunity! You WILL be okay!

QuietWhenReading Thu 04-Feb-16 19:57:29

I have worked in big office for big firms my entire career.

There are a huge variety of people in them bright and thick, fat and thin, nice and nasty, interesting and boring. Please don't be too nervous.

No one will expect you to be able to do anything for the first week.

Just be polite and normal. Smile and be friendly. It will all be fine!

Btw your mum is wrong, really really wrong. Experience is never wasted.

Be frightened, that's normal. Do it anyway! You won't regret it, I promise.

WineIsMyMainVice Thu 04-Feb-16 19:59:53

I def rate Asda and sainsburys for work clothes. Both have a good range of sizes
I only have 2 pairs of trousers for work, which I mix and match with a couple of different tops/cardigans for work. It's hard at first but once you've been there a while you can build up your wardrobe.....
As for the other stuff - just ask people about themselves. People generally love talking about themselves! So build up a few stock questions to ask people, such as 'How long have you worked here?' Or 'What does your job involve?' And you'll generally find people will open up and start doing all the talking. And that way you'll start to build up more of a picture of what goes on, who people are etc etc.
Good luck Hun.

Gobbolino6 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:00:55

I feel exactly the same about new jobs. Go for it.

purplemeggie Thu 04-Feb-16 20:05:49

My mother does this too. She's wrong....and yours is, too. You can do this and you can prove it to her, but more importantly, you can prove it to yourself. Go for it!

Seriouslyffs Thu 04-Feb-16 20:08:12

Go for it creamponies!
They wouldn't have put you forward if they didn't think you were up for it.

KP86 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:08:50


They have a formal dark grey skirt suit with jacket for £5/piece, and go up to big sizes (I'm an 18-20 myself).

You can get a bunch of lovely tops, plain trousers, some waterfall cardigans and you'll be set.

DaggerEyes Thu 04-Feb-16 20:10:54

Do you know what I do when I'm doing something scary, I think about how jealous everyone is at how well I am doing! Sounds so silly, but I think smug thoughts about how they are looking at me, wishing they had the balls to laugh loudly at the joke being told, or say yes to a cup of tea and ask for it how I actually like it (not just the easiest option). And, it really works!
I must sound deranged.

Battleshiphips2 Thu 04-Feb-16 20:11:02

How about smart black or navy skirt, top and a cardigan. Nice tights and either boots or nice shoes. It is harder to find nice things when you are bigger but you can look smart. Matalan have some great longline cardigans in larger sizes, they are really smart.
Just be yourself. A friendly smile and a brief introduction goes a long way. If you get a bit lost ask someone for a bit of help. I never minded helping out new members of staff. Don't give up the opportunity though.
I was bullied throughout most of my school life and I use to want to sit in a corner unnoticed until one day I decided i was just as good as anyone else. Now I am the complete opposite. I never hide, I always make the first move to chat to people and I go out of my way to talk to those who look uncomfortable or who are alone.
The most important thing I do though is smile at people. It's hard not to smile back.
I really hope it goes well for you.

DeriArms Thu 04-Feb-16 20:14:46

Don't turn it down! Go to Asda/Primark for some clothes, take a deep breath and get your first week over with. Everyone's been the new girl at one time or another. YOU WILL BE FINE :-) and well done on getting the offer.

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