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Why can't I just get over it? I know IABU

(52 Posts)
CarbonEmittingPenguin Thu 04-Feb-16 18:49:03

I've posted about this before under another name and was told to either accept it or let go of it entirely. Both very valid POVs.

My closest friend, who I actually describe as my best friend and I met over 15 years ago. When we initially met we were just acquaintances that moved in similar circles and didn't think much of each other. But as time went on we became very close.

We then lived together for about 2 years but after that we both left the country and lived elsewhere. We did, however, stay in touch and would speak most, if not, every day.

Her birthday was last week and I was looking for a photo of us because I wanted to send it to one of those customise-your-own-photo companies so that they'd put 'Happy Birthday' over it.

I really struggled to find one of the two of us together. Yes there were many photos of us within the same vicinity or with mutual friends but truthfully there was only 3 decent photos of us just together.

She's since fallen out with or no longer speaks to all the people she'd once considered close - whom I'd actually met on various nights out or just understood to be her close friends.

When I scoured FB for a picture of us (she keeps FB albums of everything going years back) to use for the birthday card I couldn't find a decent one of us so just went with a random one but I recall thinking were it any of the 3 'close' friends she no longer speaks to or is close to; there'd be many many many pictures to use of them.

I know I need to get a grip. She is my closest friend and the past is the past. But I'd still like a bit of a rant. I'll raise it with her next week at some point but I don't want to piss on her parade at the moment.

anyoldname76 Thu 04-Feb-16 18:52:31

does it really matter? just make an effort in the future to have some photos together. its not really her fault is it

SuperCee7 Thu 04-Feb-16 18:54:02

Raise what with her? What is the issue? That you don't have lots of photos of the two of you? confused

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Thu 04-Feb-16 18:55:08

Such a sad state when her friendship is judged on such a idiotic thing as facebook pics

ZiggyFartdust Thu 04-Feb-16 18:57:44

I don't understand. You're best friends but there aren't any pics of you together, and there are more pics if people who used to be friends but now aren't?
So what? confused

CarbonEmittingPenguin Thu 04-Feb-16 18:58:13

I absolutely know I am being an idiot. I know. But I'd rather look like a twat here than be a twat in RL, iyswim.

Notonthestairs Thu 04-Feb-16 19:00:07

There must be more to this than you've posted? You don't gave photos of each other? confused
Where is the issue here?
I don't have any photos of me and my closest friends save one or two from weddings where we're accidentally in the same shot. I honestly don't think I've given it a moments thought and I certainly wouldn't raise with any of them as an issue.
This is a non problem.
Take some photos of the two you together now and forget all about it.

mommy2ash Thu 04-Feb-16 19:00:11

I'm not understanding the problem surely it's as much your fault as hers if you don't have many pictures together

Gazelda Thu 04-Feb-16 19:00:45

I don't understand? You're wanting to rant at her for not having photos of the two of you on her FB?
Have you got any photos of the two of you on your FB page?

molyholy Thu 04-Feb-16 19:00:54

I don't know what you aibu is? That there aren't any pics of just you two?

ItchyArmpits Thu 04-Feb-16 19:01:04

I have tried, but I cannot figure out what the problem is.

iklboo Thu 04-Feb-16 19:01:18

So....just say to her that you were looking for a great pic of the two of you but you'll be darned if you could find one that was flattering or something. Then get someone to take a bunch. Or book a photography session or something.

I don't think I've got any decent photos of me with my closest friend either. We've usually taken pics of each other with various other people on nights out.

Runningupthathill82 Thu 04-Feb-16 19:01:59

Sorry, I don't get it. If you were to raise it with her, what would you "raise"?! Order her to get her camera out more?

I don't think there's any decent pictures of me and my best friend together since we were about 18 - because when we're together we're actually doing stuff, not posing for photos.
Number of photos is no factor on which to judge a friendship by.

Notonthestairs Thu 04-Feb-16 19:02:21

This only makes some sort of sense if you are of FB/selfie generation. Not trying to be mean but are you 25 or younger?

leelu66 Thu 04-Feb-16 19:04:29

Why are you expecting her to have made all the effort of taking photos with you and putting them on FB?

Unless she has actively avoided taking a picture with you, YABU.

She is not your photographer.

DurhamDurham Thu 04-Feb-16 19:07:31

Surely if there was a problem at all and not just in your head you'd both be to blame? There's a lack of joint pics of you with your friend and you're going to tackle it with her? confused
I think that people take a lot more photos now than in years gone by because most people have phones with decent cameras. Maybe when you saw a lot of each other the whole taking a pic at every opportunity hadn't taken off yet.
Don't make your friend feel bad because of this.

Hullygully Thu 04-Feb-16 19:13:58

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 04-Feb-16 19:15:44

What are you going to bring up with her?

That you don't have many photos together, or that she seems to have fallen out with a lot of people that you used to be closed too?

Either way, I think mentioning it is unlikely to go well.

MrsPresley Thu 04-Feb-16 19:17:36

I only have 3 or 4 photos of me and my best friend together, and the most recent one was taken almost 10 years ago at my daughters wedding.

I have loads of her on her own, with her/my children/grandchildren, but together, not many at all grin

I'm assuming it's usually the other one of us taking the photo.

But 3 or 4 photos in a 40+ year friendship! isn't a lot really, of course lots of my photos would be taken pre mobile, when we had to use a camera and selfies weren't heard of.....old bugger that I am grin

CurlyhairedAssassin Thu 04-Feb-16 19:17:41

Well, Hully, that's not very subtle!

I was about to say, OP, that this is a nonissue and I expected something completely different from the thread title.

In the nicest possible way, I think you should look into why you are obsessing about this. It's almost paranoia. Do you suffer from anxiety?

CarbonEmittingPenguin Thu 04-Feb-16 19:17:43

Notonthestairs If only! We're not 25yo or younger but we're not far from that.

molyholy I know I am being ridiculous so just wanted someone to tell me that before I ruin what has been my best friendship. I agree, why didn't I take more pictures and so forth. She is my best friend and we always talk - I just get a little het-up when I look at her albums from all those years ago.

CarbonEmittingPenguin Thu 04-Feb-16 19:19:17

CurlyhairedAssassin Yes. Anxiety and depression but they don't really impact my day-to-day life as it were.

MrsDeVere Thu 04-Feb-16 19:20:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedtimeoff Thu 04-Feb-16 19:20:58

Is it that you feel that the friendship is one sided? That you put in the effort and she doesn't? that the picture is a symbol of your friendship, she made the effort to make sure pictures were taken with her other friends but not you?

If that is the case then I think I understand. However, there could be other reasons for not having photos. Do you make efforts to ensure pictures are taken with her?

ItchyArmpits Thu 04-Feb-16 19:22:42

Hang on.

You have started 2 threads about the fact that there are only several pics of just you and your bff.

You are now concerned that you will 'ruin' your best friendship by requesting that you take a couple of photos with the two of you in?

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