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AIBU to not want to leave my baby with my close friend?

(30 Posts)
artisanroast Thu 04-Feb-16 04:49:54

My close friend and her dh are due to babysit my 5 month old baby tonight. They have little/no childcare experience but are ttc so want some baby experience. They are in their 30s so not kids.

My daughter is the 'perfect baby' she usually sleeps all night, can be passed to anyone and just sits and smiles. She is the baby that makes you think being a mum is easy.

We arrived back from a few nights away yesterday and on that trip my dh decided to do a trip which included 6 hours driving therefore my daughter slept 6-8 hours during the day and hasn't slept all night since. It would be fair to say she has been very grumpy since.

It would also be fair to say I have been f***ing grumpy and pissed off since...

DH sleeps through DD screaming and our subsequent sleepless nights. Its 4.29am as I write this.

So my problems are 2 fold -

1) Aibu to not want to leave my baby with an inexperienced childminder, just because they want to?

2) Aibu to not want to leave my baby because my usually very calm and happy baby is now not going to sleep until midnight and waking during the night?

I know I wouldn't be able to relax. Also as she is breastfed it means I need to get up early to express milk for the forthcoming experiment.

DH keeps saying it'll be fine, just leave it etc etc which is why I haven't cancelled yet. DH also want to get pissed with an old friend of ours whom I haven't seen since before I was pregnant as he was an old drinking buddy. I don't really drink now so I don't see him.

That's it so thoughts please


ChalkHearts Thu 04-Feb-16 05:10:04

YABU. What do you think could go wrong?

Marzipants Thu 04-Feb-16 05:10:32

Has your friend had much contact with your baby? If she wants childcare experience maybe taking her for a couple of hours in the day (so you could get your head down) would be the best plan, rather than taking her when she should be sleeping anyway.

Could your DH go out without you? At the moment it sounds like extra hassle with little reward.

icklekid Thu 04-Feb-16 05:17:46

Why not wait until your baby is back in routine and happy and go then as otherwise you will not enjoy it or get any sleep. Could dh go by himself this time and treat the two of you to a nice dinner next week?

Footle Thu 04-Feb-16 05:39:23

Why not lend them a teddy to practice on and keep your daughter at home ? She's a human being , a person.

3luckystars Thu 04-Feb-16 05:49:53

I would considering leaving them babysit for an hour or two, but not overnight. I can't understand why you would want to leave them have a go of your baby, but then change your mind because you are worried they will think she is a difficult baby (not because you are breastfeeding, she is tiny and they don't have a clue)

Sorry if I misunderstood. It's ok to change the arrangement, and leave her for an hour with them.

greenfolder Thu 04-Feb-16 06:34:43

Call it off. Say she has a cold or whatever. It's sweet of them to offer and I can understand in normal circs it seemed a good idea but only if you are both on top form. To be fair I am a laid back parent but wouldn't have put a 5 month old into this. Even if she normally kip through the night, she only has to wake to find no mum or dad or at a push well known other carer to go ballistic!

PagesOfABook Thu 04-Feb-16 06:41:32

Are you planning on going out somewhere while they are babysitting?

Allowing them to babysit for an hour or two during the day makes more sense

Clara101 Thu 04-Feb-16 06:54:44

I agree with green folder. YANBU, stay with your baby if that's what your instinct is telling you. That's definitely what I wd do in these circs. It's not really about whether your friends wd do a good job or not.. Of course they wd try to soothe her. But if she's only 5 months and wakes up distressed she needs you (or her dad/someone she knows really well).

LaLaLaaaa Thu 04-Feb-16 06:58:32

I don't think you ABU - if she's waking and not settling just now you need to know they can get her back to sleep and how will they do that if they don't know how to look after a baby?

I would let them babysit during the day instead for an hour or two. Put her first and trust your mum spidey senses.

nutellacrumpet Thu 04-Feb-16 07:03:11

YABU. Your baby is going to wake up and scream for you. How can you go out and relax knowing your baby needs you and will most probably be distressed. Cancel or rearrange for another time. 5 months is still so tiny.

nutellacrumpet Thu 04-Feb-16 07:04:23

What I meant is... YANBU to not want to leave your baby. YWBU to leave your baby.

Whocansay Thu 04-Feb-16 07:17:38

You don't want to leave your child. YANBU. You don't even need to have a reason. 5 months is still very young.

(But I would probably just say that she's poorly and you don't want to leave her and gives thanks!).

ImogenTubbs Thu 04-Feb-16 07:22:56

Is this the first time you've left your baby with anyone else for five months? I'm going to slightly go against the grain here and say YABU. Firstly, I didn't get from your OP that you are planning on leaving her overnight (sorry if I misunderstood, as that would be slightly different), but if it's just a few hours then I think it would probably be good for you, and your DH (and your relationship). It can be massively hard leaving your baby but if it's just for a few hours and you're close by you can come back if they need you.

If you really really think she's not well then reschedule but from your tone it seems slightly like you're slightly using this as an excuse.

springscoming Thu 04-Feb-16 07:25:21

You don't want to leave your baby overnight so don't. It's simple really. YANBU

Goingtobeawesome Thu 04-Feb-16 07:35:51

Purely on your OP your H is a dick head.

He conveniently sleeps though screaming, he wants to get pissed so is pushing you to go, he says it will be fine as he isn't the one who will deal with the fall out, as you don't make him, and the next step I suspect is that he will wheedle to go alone and get smashed. And no, my baby wouldn't be anyone's experiment.

EponasWildDaughter Thu 04-Feb-16 07:37:27

Same as going.

Concentrate on your baby. She needs you.

SSargassoSea Thu 04-Feb-16 07:37:45

Don't leave her. Just say she has sniffles or something so it won't work as planned perhaps the couple can take her out walkies sometimes in her buggy.

DH can carry on without you. Get a taxi home.

Believeitornot Thu 04-Feb-16 07:38:30

The waking at night could be coincidence - 5 month sleep regression and all that.

It sounds like you're conflating two issues - your feelings towards your dh on dealing with sleep and leaving your baby.

Can you separate the two in your mind? Fine if you're not happy leaving your baby - I would be a bit uncomfortable unless it was someone who knew how to look after babies.

LaContessaDiPlump Thu 04-Feb-16 07:39:49

Guess I'm the only one who happily left her 2 week-old DS2 in the care of her well-meaning yet inexperienced younger sister then grin

We're all different op - if you don't want to go then don't. The childless friends will probably be disappointed and, if they were previously assured that your daughter is a great sleeper, think you're being rather PFB. That shouldn't stop you though - do what you are comfortable with.

ExConstance Thu 04-Feb-16 07:44:00

Of course you don't need any reasoned excuse not to leave a young baby, if you don't want to then it is intrinsically valid to say no. However a great many of us had total zero experience of anything to do with a baby when we actually produced one. Changing his first vest was far more scary than anything I can remember!

Ipsos Thu 04-Feb-16 07:50:15

It's your decision enitrely. You don't need to justify or explain. Just make the decision and tell them. A friend of mine told me "You are responsible for your own child" which I think is good advice. As the mother you carry the can if anything goes wrong and that means you also get to make the decisions.

ricketytickety Thu 04-Feb-16 08:01:13

yanbu. Don't do anything you are uncomfortable with.

GreatFuckability Thu 04-Feb-16 08:12:26

The first time I looked after a baby all night was when I had a baby. I managed to keep her alive. I think if you don't want to, then don't. But at the same time your baby will be fine with two adults.

slithytove Thu 04-Feb-16 08:14:15

You don't have to leave your baby if you don't want to

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