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aibu to expect basic cleanliness

(66 Posts)
lucyloored Wed 03-Feb-16 23:11:55

Hi. This is my first post on here and I guess it's a rant. I had dd 7months ago. 2 weeks later, me dd and dp moved house.Not the best timing. But now, 2 months into the new year and you'd think we'd only just moved in! There are still boxes sitting at the door to go to the charity shop and furniture still to be bought. This isn't too bad though, however dp is doing my absolute tits in. He does NOTHING!e.g. I went away with dd to visit dm and dad who live 100miles away for 5 days and came back to -- no bins out inc. nappy bin, no shopping, not even milk, no washings done, no dishes washed, in fact, piled on the side of the sink as there wasn't any dishwasher tablets (plenty of washing up liquid though) 3 bulbs out and the pram inexplicably in the bathroom. But to top it off every single item of dps wardrobe on the floor. Clean, dirty, you name it. It's a new house! Wtf am I living with?! Is it too much to expect?

This is what it's like all the time. We argue about it but I'm not his mother and just cannot keep up with all the housework and a 7month old. I'm generally quite a laid back person but I don't think basic hygiene is too much to ask!!! confusedangrysad

afromom Wed 03-Feb-16 23:14:29

Not too much to ask at all! I would have turned straight back round and taken the kids back to my parents!
What was his excuse when you asked him about it?

Out2pasture Wed 03-Feb-16 23:16:31

how long did you know this fellow before you had a child with him? was he tidy and helpful before the pregnancy?

lucyloored Wed 03-Feb-16 23:18:25

He works long hours and only gets one day off a week. I see his point, up to a point but since I got back he's had 2 days off. I cleared out with dd to baby classes and came back to him playing the ps4!

lucyloored Wed 03-Feb-16 23:20:10

Pasture 5 years this month, yes he was great but then I don't know how much I actually did without realising...

TendonQueen Wed 03-Feb-16 23:23:17

Do not pick up and wash any of this clothes, for a start, and don't cook for him if you're doing that until he starts doing some work to maintain the house.

shutupandshop Wed 03-Feb-16 23:23:18

Hes a manchild

afromom Wed 03-Feb-16 23:23:25

Working long hours could be an excuse for some things, but leaving clothes all over the floor, no washing up done? It sounds more like he thought you'd just do it when you got back!

sparechange Wed 03-Feb-16 23:23:28

I know you say you don't want to be his mother, but if he magically had time for his PS4, but not basic chores, that Ps4 would be under lock and key until he pulled his shit together.

Out2pasture Wed 03-Feb-16 23:24:00

one can only hope that once the house has a basic set up he will be able to maintain a higher standard.
not sure what would work for you but i'd nag a little, do a little and see about hiring help for a little if he is unable to contribute.
does he have a good excuse for not doing his bit (double overtime)

mrsmeerkat Wed 03-Feb-16 23:24:17

I couldn't put up with this at all

I do all of the main cleaning and cooking but dh is always busy doing stuff in the house. He does all bins, lots of diy/decorating and if we are at home at the same time a huge amount of nappies etc lions share of work.

Your dp sounds like an overgrown spoilt baby

Madlizzy Wed 03-Feb-16 23:27:08

I hate the word nag, it implies that the woman is a moaning harridan. I personally would tell him to sort his shit out or get to fuck. He's very clearly telling you that he thinks that he's your superior and you're there to pick up after him. Listen to that.

clam Wed 03-Feb-16 23:30:54

Or, as I saw on a FB post today, "You call it nagging; I call it, 'Listen to what I fucking said the first time!'

arethereanyleftatall Wed 03-Feb-16 23:31:32

No, you shouldn't have to clear his mess up whilst you were away. But - I'm unclear on why you haven't taken boxes to charity shop etc. if he works 6 days a week, I think he's entitled to 1 day off down time.
Someone will come along in a sec, and say when's ops down time, but for me, I don't think popping a baby in a sling and going out for a nice work to drop something at a charity shop sounds particularly onerous.

clam Wed 03-Feb-16 23:32:44

So, who cleared up after your trip away?

already knows the answer.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 03-Feb-16 23:32:52


RudeElf Wed 03-Feb-16 23:35:14

one can only hope that once the house has a basic set up he will be able to maintain a higher standard.

Yea and pigs might fly! Who do you suggest gets to a basic set up worthy of him lifting his shit off the floor? hmm

Soooosie Wed 03-Feb-16 23:38:06

Can you use the Marie kondo method to get rid of clutter and pair back to the basics? Owning minimal stuff will give you a tidier house.

He can do his own washing. Prewarn him, then bin anything he leaves on the floor?

Soooosie Wed 03-Feb-16 23:39:57

After you've got rid of clutter, work on routines. Sit him down and ask him to list what jobs he will do on what days

lucyloored Wed 03-Feb-16 23:40:21

Still working through the washing(s) I've done most of the charity shop drops since moving, it's the big things that are left that need taken in a car. I sadly can't drive.

The fact they are still there isn't what bothers me but that I asked him to take them and he readily agreed to then hasn't...

Taking the ps4 away is a shout. I hate the damn thing. Most 14 31yr olds should respond to that. Man child sounds about right at this moment and time.

I'd love to be able to afford to hire someone to help, or just to have mil give dp a kick up the backside!

Madlizzy Wed 03-Feb-16 23:42:27

Him being a lazy arse aside, with the bigger stuff, join Freegle or Freecycle and get shot of it that way, or stick it on your local Facebook selling/freebie page.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 03-Feb-16 23:48:51

Charities will often collect to if they can.

arethereanyleftatall Wed 03-Feb-16 23:49:25


CreviceImp Wed 03-Feb-16 23:50:49

The Ps4 could easily come to a sad demise with an accidentally dropped coffee.

Repeat as necessary.

Bin anything he leaves on the floor after warning him once.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree Wed 03-Feb-16 23:55:31

When DS1 was about 1yr old, I got so fed up with DH leaving his socks on he bedroom floor, I said to him, you leave your socks on the floor one more time, and I'm throwing them out the window. And I meant it. I won't deny it, it felt good, opening the bedroom window and flinging them out.

The next day, he came home from work, and I said 'your socks are in the garden'. He never ever did it again. I'm not his maid.

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