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To ask if you (honestly) feel this is justified

(169 Posts)
droopyflower Wed 03-Feb-16 21:13:47

I realise it's difficult to get a picture of a relationship from a snapshot but would you ever think this is justified.

Woman works from 8 o clock until 3 o clock, and is generally home no later than 4.

Man works long hours - 12 hour days 4 days a week.

Is he justified in stating his partner should do all the housework? The couple are renting and he pays for the rent and other bills.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Wed 03-Feb-16 21:15:03

By what you've said, no. That's not an equal amount of downtime.

HopeandSoap Wed 03-Feb-16 21:15:19

If he is stating that she should then yes unreasonable. If it's agrees she does then no.

Thisisnotausername Wed 03-Feb-16 21:16:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GissASquizz Wed 03-Feb-16 21:16:31

No. He has a day off when she's in work. Chores should be divided.

thumpson Wed 03-Feb-16 21:16:51

No, she should not. She is not his maid.

dun1urkin Wed 03-Feb-16 21:17:00

He's paying rent and other bills. Is she in paid work? What financial contribution to the household does she make?

BYOSnowman Wed 03-Feb-16 21:17:30

No - that's not generally how it works!

So she works 35 hours and he works 48hours - I'm guessing she works those hours to do school pick up? Has he factored childcare into the equation?

If he pays rent and bills what does her salary go on?

AlwaysHopeful1 Wed 03-Feb-16 21:17:55

What contribution does she make? Based just on your op, I think she should do the bulk of the housework.

TamaraLamara Wed 03-Feb-16 21:18:04

Is he justified in stating his partner should do all the housework?

Perhaps not all of it, but id think it was reasonable for the partner working fewer hours (regardless of gender) to do a higher proportion of the housework.

Difficult to know whether this set-up is fair or not on the basis of a brief pen-sketch, though.

0christmastree5 Wed 03-Feb-16 21:18:55

What happens to your her money?? If he pays bills and rent. ?? Just curious?
I think free time should be equal. If you are both at home in the same day I would expect house work to be a joint effort. Not on the days when he works 12 hours. If it were me working 12 hours and my dh working 7 hours, I would like a meal cooked and to come home to clean (ish) house.

droopyflower Wed 03-Feb-16 21:19:40

The couple do not have children. Her salary is hers and his is his, but he earns significantly more.

stitch10yearson Wed 03-Feb-16 21:19:53

He is in the wrong. Its not about hours worked, its about building a life together. If he wants a stable happy home, then he is going about it the wrong way. If he thinks its cultural, again, he is going about it the wrong way.

SheDoneAlreadyDoneHadHerses Wed 03-Feb-16 21:20:29

It depends on how it's being said by him. Being told she should do more is out of order, being asked if she can do more because of the disparity in downtime, then fairly ok. If she's pointed out he doesn't pull his weight and he's rejoindered with the fact he works longer, then also (to my mind) ok

Mind you, if I worked part time and DP worked 12hours, I'd clean up by default. I'd be here in the house and I'd only waste time on mumsnet I don't like sitting down doing nothing.

If there any other factors such as parenting then no: equal share on housework.

MrsSteptoe Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:02

Not really. If she's going to work five days a week, it's not like her life's all naps and bonbons. He lives there, he's got to contribute to keeping it tidy. It's never completely equal anyway. Timely thread, though. Suddenly aware that I've been leaving my husband to do an awful lot of the housework over the last year (long-term night working has led to a certain amount of apathy and riding my luck). You're not my DH, are you, OP?

dun1urkin Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:16

What financial contribution does she make to the household though.
Is it proportional?

museumum Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:32

No. There are around 110+ waking hours in a week. He works 48. She about 35. The difference is tiny. She might do the dinner prep due to being home earlier to allow both to eat well but not all the housework.
And even if one partner does all the "housework" that doesn't in any way absolve the other from picking up after themself.

madwomanbackintheattic Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:38

To be fair, if nothing happens before 7pm when the 12 hour shifter gets in, and then they eat together, it would be sensible for them both to do the clear-up. They each have the same time to do that before bed. And at weekends?

Granted there is possibly a couple of hours of early evening that could be used for laundry or hoovering, but if there are kids involved that's usually the witching hour and eaten up by sorting homework/ snacks/ keeping toddlers awake until dinner/ sorting out sibling feuds and stopping them murder the hamster.

There is a lot more to equality than who works the most hours in paid employment, whether man or woman?

But no. Not justified in shifting off all housework - does 'he' expect to come home to a fully cooked meal and the. Have a cigar while she does the dishes and takes the bins out, and the ironing for the next day? Perhaps a round of poker with his chums? Or a stroll to the pub for a pint as the little woman has work to do?

Different relationships work things out differently. But hours of paid employment are fairly meaningless when it comes to running a house. Presumably 'he' would be doing it if he lived on his own, however much of his own rent he was paying...?

0christmastree5 Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:42

Of course as others have said depends if there are dc. If she comes home to children then no she shouldn't do bulk of housework as well. Dc need love and attention and that's a job in itself.

Thisisnotausername Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bibbitybobbityyhat Wed 03-Feb-16 21:21:59

NO!!! Why are you even asking?

slithytove Wed 03-Feb-16 21:22:22

So he works 48 hours a week and she works 35?

Is there 13 hours worth of housework in the week? I would say that on workdays the woman picks up the slack, when he is off he does and when both are off its shared.

Work hours aside he should have at least a couple of household jobs that are his responsibility.

StealthPolarBear Wed 03-Feb-16 21:22:31

She needs to pay more
he needs to take on housework. As a pp said I prefer not to do housework after 12 hour day bur he has three days where he isn't working ao it should be pretty even on those days

BYOSnowman Wed 03-Feb-16 21:22:49

So he pays all joint expenses? That's a bit weird. Is it a control thing?

Regardless though, I don't think the money is the issue - I don't think each party is required to make the same financial contribution and if not, make up for it through housework

He doesn't work that much more than her - I would expect her to do jobs on the days he works but I would expect him to do jobs on the three days he doesn't.

droopyflower Wed 03-Feb-16 21:23:05

It's pretty much all spending money. No children.

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