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Missed birthday money

(43 Posts)
UsedtobeFeckless Wed 03-Feb-16 11:47:27

Right - before you all grab your torches and pitchforks and get down to business I KNOW I would be a total git to bring this up but I need to hear it from a howling mob of internet strangers to convince my subconscious to shut up ...

My parents give all their Grandchildren a cheque for Christmas and birthdays. It's generally a couple of hundred quid and it's not for spending, it goes into a savings account for house / car / travelling / ransom money. This is very, very kind of them and much appreciated as DP and I are not exactly skint but not rolling in it either, if you see what I mean.

Anyway - this year they forgot DS1. There's been no falling out, they've not fallen on hard times - DS2 got his as usual, which is what reminded me - and I don't know if I should mention it or not. Well, actually I feel like I shouldn't but then I feel like I'll be letting him down if I don't ...


ImperialBlether Wed 03-Feb-16 11:49:27

Did they send him a card? Do they have enough money to keep doing this?

PGTip Wed 03-Feb-16 11:49:42

You could tell them you appear to have misplaced it and having searched high & low wondered if you would mind writing another cheque

dementedpixie Wed 03-Feb-16 11:50:18

Maybe they sent it and it never arrived.

GoringBit Wed 03-Feb-16 11:52:19

My DM sent her two great nephews a gift card each for their birthdays, one didn't arrive, could that be the case here?

Only1scoop Wed 03-Feb-16 11:52:43

Do they normally put it in a card? Did they send one? Have you seen them over birthday?

If yes the the above then no way would I ask.

To be honest I wouldn't ask anyway though.

Epilepsyhelp Wed 03-Feb-16 11:52:53

Tell them you 'must have lost it' or 'it must have been lost in the post' and just see what they say. If they did it on purpose I think it's totally fair to ask about it as they still gave to DS2.

AlwaysHopeful1 Wed 03-Feb-16 11:54:22

I think as they always do this and since ds2 got his, it's more likely that it's gotten lost. Do you have any reason to believe that they would have intentionally left ds1 out?
I would just probably mention it if there isn't any reason.

UsedtobeFeckless Wed 03-Feb-16 12:17:35

We all live quite close and they came over for cake and wine on my Mum's birthday which is a week or so later ( My sister an I organised a little party for her ) They sent DS1 a birthday card and asked me to get him a present from them ( We usually do this as they don't have a clue what he wants! grin ) I sneakily checked with my brother and his kids got their cheques as usual so I do think they've just forgotten as they're both quite elderly - they whole cheque thing is because my Dad is rather paranoid about inheritance tax and is trying to round having to pay anything ...

Only1scoop Wed 03-Feb-16 12:19:29

Do they normally put it in the card?

Did you inform them what you bought him on their behalf? did they give you the cash for that?

Samcro Wed 03-Feb-16 12:19:35

i would mention it
they will be more upset if they find out later

gamerchick Wed 03-Feb-16 12:21:31

Can you just say that do they mind if you split the cheque you do have in half so you have something to put in left out child's bank account?

If they do a few they may have forgotten or its gone astray. Either way I would tell them just in case it's gone missing.

Cloudybutwarm Wed 03-Feb-16 12:23:15

Sounds like it might have gone missing to me.

PuppyMonkey Wed 03-Feb-16 12:23:24

Okay, if this was me... (coward) I would mention this casually to my sister and then your sister might be the one to say even more casually to your parents: "Oh I spoke to Feckless the other day and she was talking about what they did for DS birthday - blimey I can't believe how old he's getting, where have the years gone."

And then hope your parents might go.... argh, we forgot his birthday....

UsedtobeFeckless Wed 03-Feb-16 12:24:36

... They usually hand it to me ( I sort out their shopping and prescriptions so I'm round their house every couple of days or so ) rather than post it to DS1 but his birthday was a few months ago and it was a very busy time for me so it's quite possible I did actually lose it ... Aaargh.

wheelofapps Wed 03-Feb-16 12:26:02

It's tricky.

My SIL usually sends each of my children £20 in a card each for Xmas.
This year they got a comic each 'from their cousins' (which they really liked) but no gift from their Aunt.

There is no way on earth I will mention it though. As she gave to neither of them I can only assume it was intentional. Her perogative anyway.

Your situation sounds more like an oversight.

Guess it depends on how good your relationship is / whether you want to risk appearing grabby?

wheelofapps Wed 03-Feb-16 12:27:23

Oh, x posts. If you LOST it yourself it's a bit trickier, no? grin

plantsitter Wed 03-Feb-16 12:28:12

Yes I would mention it. Sounds like an oversight that they would be sad about if they realised. You can always say 'we're so grateful and never expect money off you' etc at the same time.

sherbetpips Wed 03-Feb-16 12:29:28

how old is he? I only ask because my GM did this until we were 16 then it stopped.

Only1scoop Wed 03-Feb-16 12:30:02

I wouldn't mention it.

Presuming they gave you money for gift you bought and he had a card then there was more than one opportunity. Awkward though. Have a search incase it's been shoved in a drawer or something.

Oriunda Wed 03-Feb-16 12:31:16

If you think you lost it - ask them for cheque number so they can check if it's been cashed? I would ask just in case someone might have found/intercepted and cashed.

WhereYouLeftIt Wed 03-Feb-16 12:32:23

I would mention it for the same reason as Samcro gives - that they will be upset if they find out later. Which they well might when they reconcile their bank statements and see the anomaly.

Also - is there any chance the cheque was written and has 'gone astray' and been cashed by someone else? <cynical>

Muskateersmummy Wed 03-Feb-16 12:33:17

If this is your parents can you not just ask them?

I would just say to my mum... "Mum you know X's birthday cheque? I can't find it, did you give it to me ? "

If she had she would call me an idiot and help me look, then right an new one. If she hadn't she would either call herself an idiot for forgetting or explain why she hadn't done it this year.

Muskateersmummy Wed 03-Feb-16 12:33:35

*write not right!

CwtchMeQuick Wed 03-Feb-16 12:34:50

Will they not notice that a few hundred pounds hasn't left their bank account?
I'd mention it. Just say you're not sure if you misplaced it but you seem to only have ds2s cheque

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