Help me word this to ds' friends mum - porn

(16 Posts)
Bupbupbup Wed 03-Feb-16 10:00:27

Hi, DS is 7, a boy in his year a few doors away, call him A, A loves DS but DS not that bothered as A lies a lot - he's made up things like a certain boy broke his glasses and that he's been in fights when he hasn't.

DS has only been over 2/3 times, A's mom is nice enough but I have heard she's fallen out with a fair few people.

Anyway, today DS told me that last time he was there (about 2 months ago) A was telling him about a video he saw on the computer where a grandpa in a wheelchair had s-e-x with a lady sad he told DS that he would show him sometime but DS said no thanks, came straight home and never been over again.

Thankfully I've always told the mom that DS isn't allowed on the computer or video games there.

How do I go about telling his mom?

DominoEffect Wed 03-Feb-16 10:08:13

I'd be frank about it. I had to speak to a mum the other week as she had told her DS (7) that the YouTuber LeeBear had been arrested because he liked to look at pictures of naked children. It lead to me and DS having a very serious talk about naked pictures and again about bodies being private and I felt that I had to make her aware that the boys were talking about it. It also isn't true and I told her that as well.

It couldn't also be possible that s-e-x could mean kissing. Could even be something on Family Guy (hopeful)

A could be lying as he has form for it. I wonder if this is something the school could help with. Could they do an internet / cyber safety session for the children and information for the parents?

If you do want to speak to A's mum I would be tempted to say something along the lines that "A mentioned having seen something online that sounded a bit dodgy to DS. Not sure if DS misunderstood but you might want to double check the computer."

It really depends how you think A's mum will react. If she is someone that you can be totally up front with then you could take a more straightfoward approach and just repeat what DS said.

RedOnHerHedd Wed 03-Feb-16 10:19:44

Could it have been Forrest Gump?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Wed 03-Feb-16 10:36:46

I'm not sure I'd get into that conversation - "My son said that 2 months ago your son said he'd watched something featuring a wheelchair user having sex on the internet, now I know that your child does tell a lot of lies, but if this is true I thought you should know... although of course you do know, don't you, as a 7 yo wouldn't be watching youtube unsupervised... so probably he made it up, or did he? Did you let him watch it or do you let him used the internet without filters and unsupervised?" ...

Even though you won't word it like that it is almost certain to look like either a criticism of her parenting or of her child... I can't imagine the reaction being a good one or doing any good...

Anything that starts with reporting a conversation a 7 year old told you he had with another 7 year old a significant amount of time ago is a little unreliable, without the somewhat taboo subject that the other child has form for telling lies/ making stuff up...

If your son isn't that bothered about her son, just don't let your son go to his - let him come to yours but keep a closer eye than you might with other friends.

If you are worried about the other boy, don't think his mum knows he is viewing adult rated material on the internet, and want to warn his mum about dangers of youngish children having unsupervised, unfilterd access to the internet it would be ideal if school could be persuaded to do a talk about it (for kids and parents) or a letter home about it (not directed at anyone specific obviously), or failing that to mention it to her as a general concern as you have heard that some of the children have been talking about watching adult rated videos on youtube...

KathyBeale Wed 03-Feb-16 10:40:25

Don't have any helpful advice, but did Leebear really get arrested? He's one of Stampy's mates isn't he?

caitlinohara Wed 03-Feb-16 10:48:45

I would say, in passing, that I thought she should know that her son had mentioned he had seen some sexual content (you can put it less pompously than that, am in a hurry! grin) on the computer and had offered to show it to your son. Just that, really. As a parent, I would want to know.

DominoEffect Wed 03-Feb-16 10:49:01

Kathy - Yes, he did but not for naked pics of children. Mirror Link

Conversation hasn't got to mention the lying just say "Hey mom, can I catch you for a minute? DS said that your DS told him that he had seen a video of a man in a wheelchair having sex". If she offers an explanation, then that's okay but if she's shocked/doesn't seem to have known about it, you can then say that you don't know any more about it but that you wanted to make her aware that that's what they were talking about (ie not that her DS is watching porn etc) and that if it comes up again, you'll let her know.

Bupbupbup Wed 03-Feb-16 10:57:46

Thanks for your replies, A has massive form for lying, told DS at one point that he had cancer and would be bald, DS says that he doesn't believe anything he says.

I'll have a word with the school.

Wish he didn't live so close! He's always at the door asking DS out to play but DS has been saying no since this incident and A giving him the 'rude finger' another day shock

RedOnHerHedd Wed 03-Feb-16 11:09:14

Said he had cancer?
Poor boy, maybe he's not getting the proper attention at home. I would mention something to the mum, just what A said to your DS and maybe a suggestion to check the parental settings, or offer to help her do this if she doesn't know how.

Marniasmum Wed 03-Feb-16 11:14:46

Stay out of it
1) it NOYB
2) kids aliar
3) might not have been porn eg stephen Hawking film?

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Wed 03-Feb-16 11:22:34

We have a pesterer like that Bup - not the lying or the porn but just a boy down the road who wants to play with DS1 all the time, and DS1 (8, so similar age to yours) has a lot of other friends, some after school activities and totally different interests to the other boy. The boy also has form for nastiness which is happening more often, and makes DS sad and confused - he has never, ever been nasty to DS1 but to other kids (he attacked 2 smaller girls with a branch last week and cut one of them - we live right by the playground and they came to our garden to get away from him and I took them home to tell their own mum) but his mum won't believe anything bad of him and is convinced he is a quiet, gentle, sensitive soul - which he blatantly isn't!

DS1 has been totally avoiding the other boy since he attacked the girls, and his mother has started WhatsAp bombing me asking me why I have forbidden my DS1 to play with her boy. I have told her DS1 can play with whoever he wants and I haven't banned anyone, but he has a lot of activities and a lot of other friends whom he makes plans with so is usually busy. I would love to tell her that her boy is a thug who my DS1 never really had anything in common with even before he showed his nasty side, but I have no idea of any possible way to do that with any kind of positive outcome - it would just make things worse!

blindsider Wed 03-Feb-16 11:43:46

Your DS doesn't sound very inquisitive, I reckon as a 7 year old I would have been well up for watching a bloke in a wheelchair have sex with a lady blush

Incidentally I watch zero porn now!!

Bupbupbup Wed 03-Feb-16 12:27:33

Blindsider- what? I'm not really sure what to make of your post,

Thank you all for your perspectives, I'll have a think about it and speak with DH.

The family are quite religious too so I'd feel awkward bringing it up.

MajesticWhine Wed 03-Feb-16 12:34:09

If you have a chance to talk with the mum or are friendly, then you could bring it up, in a sort of chatty "guess what DS said... isn't it shocking what these kids can find on the internet these days" sort of way.
But really, I would probably not do anything with this information given that it was 2 months ago and 7 year old boys very likely talking nonsense.

Bupbupbup Wed 03-Feb-16 21:53:04

Yes, thanks for helping me put it in perspective.

The thing is, he's in DS' class and lives so close we're going to encounter him a lot, he's over most days asking DS to go play even though DS hasnt said yes in months.

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