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AIBU?

To think it's not fair (stamps foot)

19 replies

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/02/2016 00:47

There are so many things going on right now that I'd love to share with a friend.
The person a thought was my best friend betrayed me 2 years ago and we've not spoken since. I have some nice acquaintances but no real friends. I really need a friend right now.

We've had to remove DS from school as his needs were not being met, not by a long shot.

DH is being bullied at work to the point where he came home in tears last night. I'd love to say "never go back" but he's the only earner and we barely get by on that.

Several close family members very ill, one terminal.

I just feel like everything is so fucking a awful and unfair right now.

OP posts:

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NorthernBird92 · 03/02/2016 00:56

Sounds Rubbish always
Im always around if you fancy a chat

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/02/2016 01:04

Thanks NorthernBird
I'm just in a "it's not fair" mindset tonight.
I'd love to have a good friend in real life to chat, laugh and cry with. Or a Mum who's not a narcissistic abuser.
I just feel everything is so awful right now and can't seem to claw my way out of this mess

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redexpat · 03/02/2016 07:26

That sounds shit. Has your DH started looking for other work? Thats the easiest thing to make progress on.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 03/02/2016 07:50

Sounds tough. Any possibility of DH changing his job or of you going to work instead of DH? It's horrible if you hate your job.

Goingtobeawesome · 03/02/2016 08:01

I have to do the school run shortly but I'll be your friend.

I lost a friend of twenty years last year because I told her she had upset me. I miss having someone who knows me to tell stuff too, the last few months have been incredibly hard and I'd never dare post for help on here.

My quick advice would be to break everything down. Look at what you can change, evening job for you?, DH start looking for something else or bring a complaint at his work,. Visit your relatives and make yourself useful to them to bring comfort to you both. Look of another school for DC. We had to move ours because of bullying then again because the school and head were shit. Next school was a bit rocky for a while but ok now.

.

MTPurse · 03/02/2016 08:09

It sounds tough for You op but I am sure things will start looking up. Where a bouts are You? Have you looked on the Mumsnet local boards to see if there is anyone in your area or any meet ups being arranged?

NorthernBird92 · 03/02/2016 08:13

always
I know how you are feeling, my husband and I have only just moved to the area we are in. It's 300 plus miles from 'home'. He's away with work for a few months and I don't know anyone here so I seriously fee your no friend pain.
Sometimes it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel but trust me there always is one!!! I know how your feeling that nothing's going right and you could just scream.
Feel free to scream at us lot!
There are lots of lovely mums on here that will be your friend I will too!!!

Imustgodowntotheseaagain · 03/02/2016 08:14

Could you go for coffee with one of your new friends . Perhaps warn them that you need a bit of a vent and would that be OK? You might find they become part of your new team.

GreenishMe · 03/02/2016 08:19

Sometimes it feels like everything comes at once

I almost went under not so long ago....I felt overwhelmed by the number of problems I have to face.

The way I cope with things now is to deal with the day I'm in - no point dwelling on yesterday 'cos it's already history and although you might think you know what's going to happen tomorrow, you don't actually...quite often it turns out to be different to what you imagined. A bit of a cliche but a helpful one.

It sounds very simplistic and it doesn't solve all my problems, but it makes things feel more manageable.....I don't get paralysed with fear and despair the way I used to when I looked at my problems as one big one.

It's no consolation but I do understand how you're feeling

AlwaysDancing1234 · 03/02/2016 13:52

Thank you all for the lovely messages, sorry I disappeared for a bit, lots going on.
I'm sorry that some of you are going through similar bad times.

I have taken advice from some of you and have stopped moaning and started doing practical things.

Ive spoken to DH, I'm happy to swap roles for a bit and go out to work, it looks like I can actually find something that may pay more than DH current wage.

We've taken DS out of the school and will Home Ed for a while, they were failing him on so many levels and the anxiety was making him ill.

One sick family member is in a hospice and doesn't have long left, another is no longer critical but is in High Dependency.

It's really helped being able to get this all out and know that some one is listening. Thank you all it means more than you know.

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Goingtobeawesome · 03/02/2016 18:08

I hope you had a good afternoon.

RatherBeRiding · 03/02/2016 19:14

Its really hard when bad things happen all at once - no wonder you feel overwhelmed.

What helps me to cope is concentrating on what I can actually do something about, and accepting that there are things outside of my control that I can't influence. And I think that if I can't influence events I can at least have control over my reaction to it - that makes me feel more in control and if I can actually DO something it isn't quite so overwhelming.

It does sound as though you are taking steps - you have made the decision to home-school and are considering swapping roles.

I'm really sorry to hear your family members are so poorly. That must be very very hard. Take it a day at a time, and accept that sometimes things just happen and there's little you can do.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 04/02/2016 01:23

Thank you both for the lovely comments, sensible words there RatherBeRiding

Poor DH is in pieces at the moment, being horribly bullied at work and lots of anxiety. He went to doctors yesterday and got signed off for couple of weeks which he's never done before. Good thing is we've got him a referral for CBT and counselling so I'm trying to look at the positives.

I'm just finding it so hard to stay strong when everyone and everything around me seems to be going wrong.

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ridemesideways · 04/02/2016 01:32

The home ed community might be a good source of new friendship?

AlwaysDancing1234 · 04/02/2016 01:38

Thank you ride I've joined a HE group on Facebook and researching groups in our area.

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itsstillgood · 04/02/2016 05:27

Where about are you Always? I think I am quite an anti social person and don't make friends easily. But when I reflect I have probably at least 10 people I would feel comfortable calling on for a steam letting/pick me up and all bar 2 are home educators (or ex home eders I keep in touch with). There are also a handful of home educators whom my only contact with is through social media, we 'met' via forums/blog but nevertheless they provide great support. Feel free to pm me. I'm happy to connect via Facebook and help point you towards home ed forums/groups. Some can be a bit scary, opinionated lot home eders ;)

AlwaysDancing1234 · 05/02/2016 16:02

Thanks for your PM itsstillgood some very handy links. I appreciate everyone who's taken the time to give advice and send me info.

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TitClash · 05/02/2016 16:05

I'm so pleased to read your positive feedback, I get upset and angry when people are being bullied at work and school. I've been through the whole friends problem as well.

There seem to be so few genuine people these days, it makes me sad. I hope things turn around for you.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 05/02/2016 19:55

Thank you for your lovely words TitClash (great name!)
I hate bullies of any kind.
I'm hoping I will make some new friends through the Home Ed networks

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