Any dog owners around - AIBU?

[BashBishBosh]

Don't flame me please - I have a real fear of dogs after I was bitten when I was 4.

DS is 6; he is wary of dogs (I assure you this is not through me - we rarely encounter them).

DS has been invited to play at a friends house after school tomorrow . I know the parent as an aquaintance and she seems nice . I have had her DS over to play a few times .

The issue I have is , she has a dog . It's a rescue and I think is a young male boxer ; she hasn't had him very long - maybe about 5 or 6 months .

I don't know the dog so I don't know it's temperament. She does have three other children (for context of how the dog is) .

The mother knows my DS is scared wary of dogs as I have mentioned it .

My DS really wants to go to his friends house and he knows they have a dog . I also know when he sees the dog he will feel scared .

I feel really uncomfortable about this and I don't know if I'm being irrational.

Would you let your DC go?

[AppleSetsSail]

Under these circumstances, I'd join the playdate. The other mother might not like it, but you probably need to see this one through for both of you.

I'm pretty sure boxers have nice temperaments, but it makes sense to be wary of rescue dogs.

[SuperCee7]

Of course I would. Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't want to encourage a fear because of my own experiences.

[BashBishBosh]

I can't join the play date as I'm working

[WorraLiberty]

I would let him go.

You never know, after a few visits he might become quite attached to the dog.

[AlpacaLypse]

Not an owner, but we do care for about fifty different dogs a week here!

I don't think it would be at all U for you to call the other mum and double check that's she's remembered that your son is a little wary of dogs.

It is very likely that if they are responsible dog owners the dog will have its own zone, away from the children, where he can be quiet and safe from being bothered by them. If she's a decent person, she'll be happy to ensure that the dog stays there for the duration.

Hopefully he will be able to use the opportunity to get to know a dog a little better and learn how to handle being near and around them, a very useful and important life skill.

[AlpacaLypse]

Shame you can't join the playdate!

[Hillingdon]

Of course you should let him go. He is already picking up a fear because of you. Mention it to other Mum but we had a rottie who would do her tricks for all. Any of the kids friends who were pinned to the wall coming in were allowed to give her biscuit with a bit of training from me! Always of course with me in attendance.

Those kids are now grown men and still remind me that she was the dog who helped them with their fears (almost 100% started from the parents!)

[Floralnomad]

Your ds knows they have a dog and he wants to go so of course you let him go .

[Imustgodowntotheseaagain]

Have a chat with the mum. It would be good if she could have the dog in another room when your DS arrives, so he isn't jumped on or licked straight away.

[BashBishBosh]

hillingdon a rottie

No way would my DC be coming to your house !

[AppleSetsSail]

Oh, Bash you've committed the ultimate MN sin of suggesting that some breeds are more aggressive than others. Better duck now.

[AppleSetsSail]

OP I am both a dog-owner and dog nervous because I've been involved in 2 dog attacks both pit bulls. Ultimately you have to decide whether you trust this mother's judgement, but a boxer seems like a low-risk proposition to me. Good luck.

[Outcomesthebunnyofdeath]

Ds has a friend who was afraid of dogs and we have a dog. As I knew the little boy was afraid the dog was kept away from him, either in another room or with me but on her lead.

As he has visited many more times over the past two years he is now absolutely fine with her. It may be good for your son long term to have access to a friendly dog but definitely have a quick chat with the mum first so that she is fully aware of your fears.

[Twowrongsdontmakearight]

Let the mum know. We put our little dog upstairs when a friend of DD who is scared of dogs comes around.

[TheExMotherInLaw]

I was scared of dogs, dd and ds terrified, after dd was attacked by a dog on holiday, so I understand the fear. I'd advise reminding the mum that ds may be scared, so to be careful how he meets the dog. This may well be a great step forward for ds, learning to interact with a safe dog.

[Hillingdon]

If you can kerb the fear using a big dog so much the better. Our old girl was never allowed to jump up and greet anyone. Anyone coming in was told to ignore her. Consequently she was great when anyone came in.

Yep - I have been bitten in the past. Not by her I hasten to add! A little Jack Russell who thought he ruled the world and a border collie who I think thought I had pushed in when queuing for an ice cream.

Dogs are everywhere and the more you can teach people to be cool around them the better. You don't have to love them, or touch them but everyone should really know how to deal with them

[Wolfiefan]

I'm afraid you may not be aware of it but you are probably projecting your fear onto your child. You have convinced yourself he will be scared.
I think it depends how well you know the parent and whether you trust them to keep your child separate from the dog or introduce them sensibly. (Actually the second would be better as it might help your child in the long run.)

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

DD was scared of dogs o we borrowed one for a few weeks - holiday cover - she soon loved him and still does -

I would raise it with the mother but explain to DC dog will sniff him, likely to be slobbery but wants to make friends - once greeting over dogs usually lie somewhere quiet.

[BashBishBosh]

Ok , great advice here

So the consensus is he should go?

[and breathe , and breathe , and breathe ]

And looking at some of the pp - boxers are generally placid ?yes? Yes?

[LumelaMme]

Let him go. If he is wary of dogs, getting to know nice dogs is a good thing to do. You could gently remind the other mum that he's nervous, explain he probably acquired his wariness from you and explain your own wariness, and say he doesn't have much idea how to behave around dogs.

There are some good links around about how to read dogs moods and expressions.
this is the Fail but has good pix

[LumelaMme]

The boxers I know are not exactly placid, but they're jolly, cheerful dogs.

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

Yes I would let him go.

I always check with parents how their DC react to dogs, although very friendly with children my St is, obviously, big & that alone can be intimidating if you're an adult who's never met one before never mind a child. She prefers to stay in the kitchen anyway once she's said hello. So far all the children that have visited have liked dogs. If we had one round that didn't I'd bring them in through the front door so they didn't have to meet her.

Is your fear of dogs something you'd like to work through? Maybe with your son? If it is try seeing if there are any Pets As Therapy dogs near you (or a similar organisation), a friend had an awful fear of dogs & got in touch with them & they really helped her even though it's outside what they would normally do. While she still wouldn't choose to own a dog it did help for situations like this. I think she just made a donation to them.

[rosie1959]

I have always had boxers and most have a wonderful temprement The clown of the dog world usually fantastic pals for children although they can be bouncy and boisterous

[Wolfiefan]

Boxers are often bouncy loons. But I've never met one that was anything other than friendly.
Have you considered dealing with your phobia? It will run off on your kids. A child panicking and running or flapping their hands about is in much more danger than a calm child who knows how to act. Dogs trust do some work on this.
I say this as someone who had a huge phobia of snakes. (Think cant look at a picture). I'm now much better. Obviously you're more likely to encounter dogs at large!