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To be annoyed with 'ill' DH?

(18 Posts)
EverythingTurnsToSkittles Mon 01-Feb-16 21:45:08

DH frequently has bouts of 'man flu', and when he's ill he is very grumpy and awful to live with, to the point of actually saying nasty things to me.

If I am ever ill he gives me no sympathy whatsoever and won't do a thing to help with the DCs or in the house. He gets quite cross really if I'm ill.

On Friday he came home from work a bit early as he felt ill and went to bed and spent the whole evening there, leaving me to do everything for the DCs.

On Saturday during the day he was fine and went off to do his hobby from 8am - 7pm. As soon as he got home he felt ill again and went to bed.

He spent all day yesterday laying around, and now has taken today off work and done the same, and has been in bed all evening. I made him a doctors appointment this afternoon and the doctor has said it's a cold virus.

It's not the ill I mind so much, it's how he speaks to me when he is ill that upsets me. I have been sympathetic, going out and getting him cough mixture, tablets and whatever he fancies to eat and drink. All he has done is grunt at me, moan, make whingey sighing noises, and cough. When he speaks he's horrible.

I was just upstairs, having done everything this evening for the DCs on my own. He was in bed watching TV and I called his name as I was going to tell him something and he answere "WHAT?", in a really horrible nasty shouting voice. I said not to speak to me like that and got a tirade of abuse about how I'm a fucking arsehole, and how I've been vile to him, and how he's in a good mood but apparently it's me that's being an arse. Then he shouted "GO AWAY" so I told him he's on his own with his germs and his virus and he won't be getting anything else from me, and he said "Good".

He always does this. Is ill, moody and then speaks to me like shit and shouts at me but then turns it round on me.

AIBU to be annoyed, and also AIBU to just ignore him now until he's feeling better and apologises, and not do anything else for him?

WONAR Mon 01-Feb-16 21:48:11

That's disgraceful behaviour on his part - HIBU. I would communicate with him exactly how he spoke to you from now on, and see how he likes it... Childish I know.

WONAR Mon 01-Feb-16 21:48:47

Also, YANBU!

KitKatCustard Mon 01-Feb-16 21:49:13

YANBU to ignore him while he's ill. Never reward behaviour you don't want!
Go and do something for you instead (children permitting).

Berthatydfil Mon 01-Feb-16 21:53:31

What exact virus has he got that allows him to recover enough to do his hobby but make him far too ill to be pleasant to his partner?

Griphook Mon 01-Feb-16 22:00:26

My dp can be like this, absolutely horrible when he's I'll, stamps on the floor to get me to come up. Nothing I do is right,
He's at times dam right rude.
Takes himself to bed, (I wouldn't mind if I was allowed the same curtesy)
If I'm ill he's worse. Could go on.
It's one of the reason we are separating

Room101isWhereIUsedToLive Mon 01-Feb-16 22:01:39

My ex husband was like this. Just spoke to him on the phone (trying to get hold of ds/dd). He's in bed with a cold. Thankfully, its someone else's problem now.

EverythingTurnsToSkittles Mon 01-Feb-16 22:15:27

I just went upstairs to put some washing away in the kids rooms and he'd been to the loo and left the seat up, and the light on. Just little things, to be as spiteful and petty as he can.

This is all making me reflect on how moody and unreasonable he is a lot of the time and making me feel like splitting with him....

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 01-Feb-16 22:18:33

He does this every time, never reciprocates, yet you still ran around after him this time. Why? Are you afraid of him?

Is he not old enough to get his own tablets and doctors appointment? Are you his mum?

Why would you wait hand and foot on someone who is being horrible to you?

If you are having to ask if YABU to be "annoyed" then you must have normalised some pretty horrific treatment.

This "ill" behaviour alone would have most of us at Relate or the solicitor's office, along with a good dollop of shouting at the nasty selfish pig.

Maybe you should do one of those "are you being emotionally abused" quizzes?

Potatoface2 Mon 01-Feb-16 22:31:09

sellotape the toilet down, ignore his requests for anything and tell him if he wants a nurse to employ one.....then make him sleep on the sofa as you dont want his 'whinny germs' flu pfftt!

ridemesideways Mon 01-Feb-16 22:35:34

Illness is no excuse for being verbally abusive. Nobody should accept being disrespected in this way. What a horrible atmosphere for the DCs too.

Euripidesralph Mon 01-Feb-16 22:37:26

How unbelievably nasty of him...... I'm laid up towards the end of a as close to actual flu as you get in western countries (doc confirmed) full on freaking horrific u and granted whilst I may not have been sunshine and light ( 9 week old and 3 yr old ) I'd never speak to dh like that ....... and I just cried because he shut the curtains and I wanted them open..... so its not like I'm reason personified

How dare he ? You don't deserve that one does

LindyHemming Mon 01-Feb-16 22:39:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notimefortossers Mon 01-Feb-16 23:16:39

I'm finding it a little unlikely that he's like this only when he's ill . . . does he speak to you like this when he's well too?

GiddyOnZackHunt Mon 01-Feb-16 23:19:48

That's not man flu. It's being a twat. Sadly not helped by Lemsip.

ohtheholidays Tue 02-Feb-16 00:40:46

He hasn't got a cold OP he's got I'm a fucking wanker syndrome!

Seriously OP he sounds abusive!If he left work early,then spent 11 hours doing a hobbie and then he's taken a whole day of work he would be very lucky if he was caught out and he didn't loose his job or at the very least get into a lot of trouble with work.

Honestly do nothing else for him and ignore the Arse and if it was me I'd be thinking about what I wanted to do about the relationship in general.

LadyB49 Tue 02-Feb-16 00:55:13

I never post on relationship posts but couldn't leave this one. How dare he speak like that. How dare he speak to anyone like that let alone his wife, in the home where everyone should feel cared for and of worth and value.

He ignores you when you are ill but expects the full treatment when he is poorly with a cold virus which literally comes and goes as suits him.

What is he like under normal circumstances. Is he kind and does he do his bit. He'd need to be hellish different to be offsetting his current 'sick' attitude.

YANBU for being annoyed at his dick-ish behaviour.

YABU to waste doctors time over a cold...

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