... but feel so totally helpless trying to find ways to help him?
He asked me to print this monologue he had to write for his Dramatic Arts class. I read it, too. I know he is fighting depression and anxiety in a huge way, but this was just so raw (and not something he has been able to say to me personally).
Here it is. And so you are aware - he said I could share it.
"What makes me unable to go out and enjoy the world? Well, I really don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that the world isn’t meant to be enjoyed? The fact that I don’t have a single reason to find life enjoyable? Or maybe it’s just that special little mix of anxiety, depression, and self-hatred that make me terrified to leave the safety of my bed, but also guilty for staying there.
But no, the world is such a wonderful place when you go out and see it, isn’t it? The beautiful graffiti stained alleys downtown, and the sewage-polluted river? The throngs of people who seem to only exist to judge and hate the people they don’t understand. It’s almost like someone might not want to go into a building filled with thousands of people who hate, harass, and hurt the people they don’t understand.
But no, the world is such a beautiful place. It’s just an issue with you if you don’t want to go out and experience it for yourself, isn’t it? You’re broken if you don’t want to go explore the messed up shit-stain of a world we live in, it’s so special. It’s not like looking out at the world and deciding ‘I’d rather not,’ is an option we’d be allowed to choose. That would be so very wrong to do. It wouldn’t be good for society as a whole.
What if I don’t CARE about society as a whole? Why should I? Society at large doesn’t give a single care about me, why should I pay it the mind to care about it? I mean, it would be hilarious if I could just go around day to day and smile and pay mind to the way that every single person I run in to feels, while they push me to the ground and kick me. I should forgive and love all the people that hurt me, because god forbid that I fight back! If I were to fight back, why, that would just make me as bad as they are. I should tell someone responsible, so they can tell me to deal with my own issues. That is, until I do deal with my own issues. That would be so utterly wrong of me to do.
All I feel like my life is a series of rings of a bell. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong."
How can I reach out to him? Wise MNers... I need your advice.
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AIBU?
AIBU to be crushed by this assignment written by my DS...
88 replies
CallMeExhausted · 01/02/2016 21:38
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