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To have another child and be done with it

(403 Posts)
greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:03:53

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Mon 01-Feb-16 16:07:59

Is there a rush? how old are you?

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:08:19

I don't even know if this makes sense. Is there ever a right time to have another baby?

TheCatsMeow Mon 01-Feb-16 16:08:29

If you want another child have one. Having a section doesn't automatically wreck your stomach though, I had one and it's back to normal.

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:09:42

There's no rush at all, I'm only 21 blush but I feel like as soon as my youngest goes to funded nursery the job centre will be on my back to go to work full time and I'm a bit scared that I'll never find a job blush

abbieanders Mon 01-Feb-16 16:10:59

Never a right time and if there was, events would still conspire to make it wrong. So go for it. Babies are a joy and privilege when you want them, never lose the chance to have a wanted baby if you can avoid it.

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:13:43

The 16 job I currently have is cleaning very dirty offices, it's back breaking and hard work. I only took it because Job centre advised me to but I feel terrible for having a baby while on benefits, like I'm a scrounger blush I don't want my children thinking this is normal, even though I do work. Am I over thinking this?

TheCatsMeow Mon 01-Feb-16 16:16:45

You're over thinking it grin

BasinHaircut Mon 01-Feb-16 16:29:03

I'm Not sure I understand what the issue is? Are you concerned about your stomach muscles or job?!

FWIW I had a c-section and my stomach muscles are fine.

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:34:35

Nor do I lol I just wanted some opinions I guess, maybe chat would have been better for this.

- I am scared that I will be pressured into getting a full time job once my child goes to funded nursery at 2

- I am scared that I will never find a full time job and so should have another baby right now giving me some extra time to find that perfect job

- I am concerned for the section, we are talking surgery here. My first labour was very traumatic and was told I would need a c section for any more babies

- I just think I'm being stupid for thinking about another baby while being on benefits, I certainly do not want to be on them forever and I do not want to scrounge

PurpleDaisies Mon 01-Feb-16 16:36:10

What does your partner think?

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:38:32

He would be happy, although probably be happier if we waited an extra year or two. He thinks I should also tone up right now

unimaginativename13 Mon 01-Feb-16 16:40:33

The job center will only be on your back if you wish to claim job seekers allowance ( the clue is in the name) and not actively seek work.

If you don't want to work then don't, but don't claim either.

Can your partner support you?

expatinscotland Mon 01-Feb-16 16:40:40

You're considering creating a new life because of your stomach muscles? You're 21. You have plenty of time.

BeautifulLiar Mon 01-Feb-16 16:41:03

The job centre can put pressure on you, but not force you. When you're moved over to Universal credit they can make you find a job when your child is 3, but it would need to be within school hours etc.

I'm scared of c-sections for the same reason blush never had one though so can't advise.

DH was made redundant and had to claim JSA when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my third but he found another job and things were ok smile

Akire Mon 01-Feb-16 16:43:17

You do not need to be looking for a job till your youngest starts full time school. Surely you can't be on JSA and working 16h? Do you mean income support? You can do some voluntary work and earn around £20 but you will be way over that on mim wage.

It's great that you are working albeit not at a job you currently love! Why would you think you could never get a full time job or a different job?

Hold off on the baby idea for time being having one because you don't think you can get a job is the worst reason to have one. You have plenty of time to have one still. What job would you like? You could still study for 2y and get help with childcare before job centre can start making noises about you looking for a full time job.

PurpleDaisies Mon 01-Feb-16 16:43:30

Looking at the reasons you've given, it sounds like you're seeing a new baby as a way to avoid dealing with situations that will be coming up that you'll find challenging (a potential return to work, having to "tone up") rather than because you and your partner really want to have another baby.

Do you think if you had a positive chat with a careers advisor about some ways you could train so you could do a job you enjoy you'd feel differently? I know it's really hard when work is stressful and busy but it can't be avoided forever (unless you're better at picking lottery numbers than me!).

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:45:59

I've got a joint claim with the job centre, it's for me and my partner but I'm the one who works which job centre know and are fine with
DP is currently doing a radio course Which is unpaid and job centre know about and agreed that's what he should be doing while also searching for work
If I got pregnant, I think it would move to income support, I'm not sure about that but I just feel reckless to think about a baby while relying on benefits

unimaginativename13 Mon 01-Feb-16 16:51:37

Yes it is pretty reckless if you plan to have a baby that you may not be able to support financially. Also pretty reckless to have a baby based on the future of your stomach muscles.

greenkitee Mon 01-Feb-16 16:53:12

I didn't say it was based on that, I just think it's pointless trying to tone up and then get pregnant years down the line which my partner doesn't seem to see

PurpleDaisies Mon 01-Feb-16 16:55:05

How long does your partner's course last? It would seem sensible to put off having another baby at least until he has an income.

MorrisZapp Mon 01-Feb-16 17:02:13

It's entirely up to you of course, but since you ask I think these are the worst reasons for having a baby I've ever heard.

Xmasbaby11 Mon 01-Feb-16 17:04:55

At your age I'd definitely wait until at least one of you has a better income.

No reason why you can't shape up then get pregnant in a few years then get back into shape.

I had a c section with DD2. It was far, far better than the traumatic vaginal birth with DD1! It is all controlled and only takes about 20mins. I wish I'd had one with DD1.

TheCatsMeow Mon 01-Feb-16 17:05:19

You can get income support now

hownottofuckup Mon 01-Feb-16 17:05:58

It's definitely not pointless to tone up prior to pregnancy.

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