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AIBU not to offer a lift every evening?

(190 Posts)
DaniBubbles Mon 01-Feb-16 10:04:33

Not sure if how I'm feeling is reasonable or just plain selfish.

I have worked with my colleague for nearly 5 years. In that time we have always had different finishing times i.e. one would finish at least 2 hours before the other. Now my boss has changed our hours so we both finish at the same time. My colleague doesn't drive and now that we both finish at the same time, she seems to now be expecting a lift home every evening because we "both live in the same direction". While this is technically true, it also involves me driving past my house and carrying on another 2 miles (so 4 there and back) to drop her at her house. Our new finishing time is 5pm so with the traffic through the city centre, this will take me at least another 20 minutes before I get home.

Normally this wouldn't be a problem but my DP works backshift and has to leave for work at 6pm. With our shift pattern, I am already in bed by the time he finishes work and he is still in bed by the time I get up for work in the morning.. so essentially this 50 minutes between me getting home at 5.10pm and him leaving for work at 6pm is the only real time we get to see each other Monday to Thursday. The way we work it just now is he has dinner on the table for me coming in and afterwards we have about half an hour to catch up/have a chat/spend time together.

My colleague knows this but still insists on asking for lifts every evening. I'd still be willing to offer lifts if the weather was terrible or there was an emergency but do you think I'm being pedantic over what is essentially only 20 minutes??

silverdrawers Mon 01-Feb-16 10:06:30

Start 'going to the gym wink' after work

Smellyrose Mon 01-Feb-16 10:06:43

YANBU. Just tell her you need to get home as early as possible so can't take her home.

Flossyfloof Mon 01-Feb-16 10:06:53

I need to get straight home tonight.
Sorry, I can't tonight.
I am not going straight home tonight.

cshimmon Mon 01-Feb-16 10:07:15

Tabby. It'll add up to cost you a fortune as well!

Flossyfloof Mon 01-Feb-16 10:07:18

It's your 20 minutes.

minmooch Mon 01-Feb-16 10:07:59

How about she hops in your car to your house and she has to make her own way from there. Time spent with your do is more valuable.

SpaceDinosaur Mon 01-Feb-16 10:10:42

I was going to suggest that min

Tell her that the extra 4 miles during rush hour traffic is really not enjoyable and you're missing out on family time.

WorraLiberty Mon 01-Feb-16 10:10:52

YANBU. I'd drop her at the nearest bus stop along the way.

DaniBubbles Mon 01-Feb-16 10:11:03

Flossyfloof Those have been my go-to excuses for the last few times or casually dropping into conversation during the working day that I "need to nip to Tesco after work tonight" - Always the fear though that she goes "oh that's ok, I need to do some shopping too!" and I get rumbled grin

mupperoon Mon 01-Feb-16 10:12:12

Of course YANBU!

angelos02 Mon 01-Feb-16 10:13:49

Just leave without her. You don't owe her anything. She'll soon get the hint.

MyNewBearTotoro Mon 01-Feb-16 10:14:03


I would offer to drive her to your house (or drop her off along the way) but say she'll have to make her own way for the last 2 miles as you need to get straight home. You're not a taxi service! Has she been offering petrol money?

Whatdoidohelp Mon 01-Feb-16 10:14:05

Just say you won't/can't do it! It's not hard. If your still willing to drive her say you will do it to the bus stop closest to your house.

rollonthesummer Mon 01-Feb-16 10:17:20

What does she say/do when you say you've got to do stuff? How does she get to work in the morning?

Damselindestress Mon 01-Feb-16 10:17:32

YANBU. Put your foot down and explain it won't be possible for you to do an extra 4 mile round trip every evening, which would almost halve the only 50 minutes you get to spend with your DP Monday to Thursday. If she doesn't understand that then she is not a friend so you shouldn't be going out of your way for her outside of work anyway. I agree with PP that an acceptable compromise could be her getting a lift as far as yours and making her own way from there. Don't let her pressure you into anything you feel uncomfortable with. I would never dream of assuming a colleague would give me a lift everyday, she is being cheeky.

FarrowandBallAche Mon 01-Feb-16 10:19:12

Don't make excuses.
Just tell her you can't give her a lift home.

IamLiftZilla Mon 01-Feb-16 10:22:19

Even I think YANBU however I do think you need to be upfront with her and tell her you can't take her at all or all the way home. Be firm and be clear. Some people do like to take advantage you know.

DaniBubbles Mon 01-Feb-16 10:24:23

Thanks for all your messages smile

She gets a bus or taxi to work in the morning, the same way she used to get home before our hours changed. There is a bus stop at the end of the street where we work. DP reckons she is pulling a fast one on me to get out of paying for buses/taxis.

SouthWesterlyWinds Mon 01-Feb-16 10:24:31

There are two choices here. Either

1/ she only gets a lift to your house and can either bus it or walk from your house. You will also need to raise the question of contributing to the petal/wear & tear etc. I have a friend £10 a week towards petrol but that was an older car with lifts both ways. And I met her at a place of her convenience. How is your colleague getting to work in the morning?

2/ You point blank refuse lifts.

Arfarfanarf Mon 01-Feb-16 10:25:41

Just because she asks doesnt mean you have to say yes.

Its ok to just tell her no you arent going to be able to do that.

I would say i will take you as far as my house but you know that i get precious few minutes with my partner and i am not giving them up.

(Not that you even have to take her as far as your house of course if thats not what you want to do)
If she doesnt like that, honestly that is not your problem.

leelu66 Mon 01-Feb-16 10:28:44

YANBU at all. This would drive me nuts. No one should ever expect a lift.

I offer colleagues a lift sometimes but they would never dream of asking (unless it was a super emergency).

I've never asked a colleague for a lift.

DrDreReturns Mon 01-Feb-16 10:29:20

I agree with pp who said drive her to your house then let her make her own way from there. Two miles is easily walkable.

OnlyLovers Mon 01-Feb-16 10:29:49

Tell her you can't take her all the way as you need to get home as early as possible, but of course she's welcome to come as far as your place and make her way home from there.

And stop making up excuses/lies. You don't need to. Just tell her the truth.

TooMuchOfEverything Mon 01-Feb-16 10:30:33

X, I keep meaning to talk to you about lifts home... I need to be home by xpm each night and this doesn't give me time to take you home too. So I won't be about to do it any longer, sorry to leave you to go back to buses or taxis but it just doesn't work for me.

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