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AIBU?

To feel guilty that my DC are so independent?

91 replies

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 09:40

They're 7, 4 and 3. I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant.

They can play for hours on their own/with each other. They make their own breakfast etc (not cos I cant be arsed, they just get up earlier than me on a school day and do it!). I do try to do lots of things with them.

Last week I couldn't make it back from an appointment in time so had to ask a friend to pick them up from school for me. They were so excited and when I went to pick them up they didn't want to leave I can leave the eldest two at parties without them being bothered.

I think they love me but they're just not clingy/needy/overly dependant on me.

Some of my friend's kids seem to be all over them. I feel so guilty.

OP posts:

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MorrisZapp · 31/01/2016 09:43

Is this a stealth boast? You say your kids aren't clingy, needy or over dependant, none of which sound like desirable qualities. So what's the issue?

MuttonDressedAsMutton · 31/01/2016 09:44

Guilty? What is there to feel guilty about? I also think you're having a go at a rather silly little stealth boast.
This is like saying 'should I feel guilty for buying my children shoes'. Too silly.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2016 09:46

You feel guilty because your kids aren't needy? Weird.

ShortcutButton · 31/01/2016 09:47

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 09:47

I knew someone would say stealth boast :( no, it's really not.

I had DS when I'd just turned 19, the father didn't want to know, my parents were horrible about it, I lost most of my friends and had no life or money. I spent a lot of hours crying in bed while DS amused himself, so feel guilty about that.

Then just before he was 2 I met DH, and we've had more children together, which I'm very happy about but I suppose the close ish age gaps has meant the older ones had to grow up quickly.

I always wanted to be mollycoddled as a child but I can't do it for my own!

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BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 09:49

My friend with the needy children does seem to be more worked off her feet than me, true, but do her DC feel more loved because of it?? I want mine to feel secure, loved and happy but I'm not THE most maternal woman there ever was.

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MorrisZapp · 31/01/2016 09:49

Oh god, shoe guilt. I've bought my son countless leather Clarks numbers which he wears out in the mud then declares they have a bump in them and he can't wear them.

His footwear of choice are fake crocs, and Asda plastic school shoes. My image is suffering!

Oysterbabe · 31/01/2016 09:49

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 09:51

Wow ok, maybe just hormones then

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MorrisZapp · 31/01/2016 09:52

Do you want us to tell you that you're a better mum than your friend with the needy children?

Kirkenes · 31/01/2016 09:52

If they are happy what's the issue? My DC played with each other for ages without me having to mind them from a young age, I always thought it was a good thing. Being happy to be left on their own is also a positive thing. Are you a SAHM?

Do you have fun with them?

Really weird thread.

StrawberryDelight · 31/01/2016 09:52

I do kind of know what you mean op.

I can remember feeling awful for weeks when each of mine started nursery...all of the other kids had to be either peeled off their parent screaming or at least had the grace to look a little nervous/sad about leaving them. Mine marched off without a backward glance, no concern at all. I really worried for a while that maybe it meant they just weren't bonded to me in the same way and yes, I did feel guilty.

They've always been like it though...I could leave ds2 (5) with anyone, and always could. Could probably have dumped him with any random stranger as a toddler and he'd wave me off happily.

Castasunder · 31/01/2016 09:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThisFenceIsComfy · 31/01/2016 09:56

Why are people being so harsh? I see what you're saying. You're worried that maybe your children aren't as attached to you as others are to their mothers.

Look, we all beat ourselves up about things we wish we had done better but your children love you. They are happy playing with each other and that's a good thing. My son also gets upset leaving a friends house. It's just because they are having fun and is not a reflection of their love, honestly. Be kind to yourself

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 09:56

No, Morris - I feel like a shitty mum a lot of the time at it's almost 10am and I'm still resting in bed. The DC haven't actually cried/asked for anything but I'm not sure if I should be with them for the sake of it? They're playing games etc.

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arethereanyleftatall · 31/01/2016 09:56

Ok. 2nd post clearer than your first. My dc are exactly the same, and I think they're absolutely fabulous, I'm proud of them (and me!) for being Independant.
What's that quote - something like 'you give your child roots so they can free their wings'. Or something.

NoahVale · 31/01/2016 09:57

make a phone call op, disappear, they will soon show they need you

witsender · 31/01/2016 09:57

I have clingy children, albeit a bit younger, and don't feel that it is anything other than natural and part of who they are. Certainly not undesirable, so I don't find your post overly boastful. Equally, it is just who they are and nothing I/we have done, it is just who they are. Likewise with yours I'm sure, don't feel at all bad about it.

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 09:57

Yes I am a SAHM and we do have fun when I'm not grumpy, tired, hormonal and huge

Ahh Strawberry I'm glad you understand! Thank you.

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ThisFenceIsComfy · 31/01/2016 09:58

To the arsey replies on this thread, you need to brush up on your comprehension skills. Here, have a while you practise.

NoahVale · 31/01/2016 09:58

I think you should be up personally. I think you should get up with them to make sure they are ok, are not electrocuted, fall down the stairs, or something. but I may be flamed

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 10:00

Noah - that is so true!! I HATE attempting phone calls when they're in the vicinity

Well, hopefully this bodes well when the baby is born... I'm rather nervous!

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MorrisZapp · 31/01/2016 10:01

I'm in bed too. Absolutely not a shitty mum. DS happily playing. He also ran happily into nursery etc. I was delighted, this is exactly what I hoped for!

He's still hard work, but there's no need to wish it was harder.

BeautifulLiar · 31/01/2016 10:02

I never ever lay in - well, certainly don't sleep in - so this does feel odd! I'm a bit bored having been awake since 7ish. I will be getting up very soon (so will probably disappear from the thread for a while!)

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CaptainCrunch · 31/01/2016 10:02

Don't worry op, they need you alright. My two were pretty much the same but as teenagers seem to need me much more for advice and support than I ever expected. Not sure why you've had such shitty replies, some people on here are horrible for no apparent reason.

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