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Aibu about birthday gift (or lack thereof)

(49 Posts)
Gettingoldgettingcold Fri 29-Jan-16 21:34:07

Landmark birthday today. Obviously dh knows about it. He gets up this morning, wishes me happy birthday and says he hasn't had the chance to get me anything. Comes home this evening with a card and says that he was going to get me a voucher for X but he didn't get the chance and will give me the money to get it myself. X isn't something I am particularly interested in and even if it was, there are LOADS of places dh could have easily bought a voucher for it. It's not as if he wasn't aware that my birthday was coming up and he's not overly strapped for cash or time. I'm so disappointed sad

A small gift with a bit of thought was all I expected. Fuck sake. He bought the card in Tesco where he could have picked up any number of things that he knows I would like. Aibu?

MrsJamin Fri 29-Jan-16 21:39:45

YANBU sad I'm sorry.

MissCalamity Fri 29-Jan-16 21:43:50

YANBU happy birthday flowers
My DP is the same, he is getting a bit better after almost 12 years.hmm

Justmuddlingalong Fri 29-Jan-16 21:45:48

cakeflowerswine Happy Birthday. You are definitely NBU, tell him you would rather he chose a thoughtful gift himself, that handing you money is not acceptable. If that is the best he can do, not to bother. Sorry your day has been disappointing.

AlwaysHopeful1 Fri 29-Jan-16 21:46:00

Yanbuthankshappy birthday to you.
That's a poor excuse from him. The date isn't a surprise and he has a year to get himself sorted.

Gettingoldgettingcold Fri 29-Jan-16 21:48:38

Do you know, I would actually prefer it if he had just said he had no time to get me anything and left it at that rather than trying to throw money at me like I am an afterthought sad

wickedwaterwitch Fri 29-Jan-16 21:48:48

Unless he pulls something spectacular out of the hat I'd be fed up too

Boxymcloxy1900 Fri 29-Jan-16 21:56:28

Is he normally such a thoughtless cock?

Griphook Fri 29-Jan-16 21:58:54

He's an absolute selfish git. He's had a year to sort something out. I think you need to have a real serious chat and get him to understand how he's made you feel

Gettingoldgettingcold Fri 29-Jan-16 21:59:55

Thanks everyone. Even if he was stuck for time (which is no excuse as my birthday is the same day every year), he is on a weeks holidays now so he could have just said 'I didn't have time to get you anything but I'll pick you up something nice during the week' hmm

Thing is, when it was his birthday I actually really WAS stuck for time, my sister was at deaths door in hospital following an accident and I had spent the best part of a week by her bedside. Yet I STILL took the time to plan and get a nice thoughtful little present for dh.

nutbrownhare15 Fri 29-Jan-16 22:05:06

That's awful. It may be that he doesn't realise quite how important a gift on your birthday is to you. My oh disappointed me for my birthday last year, no actual gifts on the day, eventually gave me stuff that I had asked for but no thought went into it. The year before he surprised me with a trip to a European city so I was a bit surprised last year was quite so shit. Have a look at Andrew Marshall's work on the different ways people show they love each other. Gift gifting is only one of several ways people can show love. Then show it to dh and tell him to buck his ideas up.

HeteronormativeHaybales Fri 29-Jan-16 22:11:05

My dh used to do this, and variations thereon. Until one year he messed up so spectacularly badly and I was so upset that it was nver repeated. Now he is really pretty good.

He is, though, a) very thoughtful and supportive in other ways, and b) not at all one for celebrating his own birthday. So it didn't stem from selfishness or lack of respect as such.

Have you made it really clear just how upset you are?

Cloppysow Fri 29-Jan-16 22:11:38

That's shit.

I'd probably have cried at him by now, told him he was a shit, how unappreciated and not special i felt and reminded him that i'd managed to make the effort, despite difficult circumstances, on his birthday.

Happy birthday. I'd buy you something lovely if i could. What would you like best?

CakeNinja Fri 29-Jan-16 22:12:47

Yanbu, I'd feel very hurt.
Lack of thought is hard to take, and it is a lack of thought.
dp has on occasion gone out and chosen me random crap in a panic buy and I always ask for the receipt to return it. It's bloody insulting, he rushes into the next town and does a mad rush round a shop where I would only ever buy socks from at a push (just not my style, nothing against it other than that) and is miffed when I smile politely and thank him then take it all back.

Happy birthday, please tell me some nice things have happened for you today at some point? flowers cake wine

BathshebaDarkstone Fri 29-Jan-16 22:14:48

YANBU. Happy birthday. winecakeflowers

Gettingoldgettingcold Fri 29-Jan-16 22:22:46

Yes, it is the lack of thought that is hard to stomach. He is normally very thoughtful and actually, he is usually ok at buying gifts so not sure where this epic fail has come from confused

We never make much of a fuss about birthdays but always give a gift and a card. Some of my family called earlier today and made a fuss of me which was nice but then dh came home afterwards and this happened so it put a dampener on the rest of the day. He is upstairs now having gone up to calm dd and ended up falling asleep in bed with her hmm I'm downstairs having wine and food.

HappyTalking Fri 29-Jan-16 22:26:43

YANBU, I would be very hurt.

It shows a lack of thought or care about your feelings.

shazzarooney99 Fri 29-Jan-16 22:38:19

At least he got you a card and hes going to give you money to get something, dont think ive received a card for years.

cdtaylornats Fri 29-Jan-16 22:42:26

Men get conditioned over the years - its the familiar pattern

Here is the gift
Thanks its just what I wanted, did you keep the receipt

ample Fri 29-Jan-16 22:45:22

They say it's the thought that counts. Pity your DH couldn't be bothered to have a thought. Excuses don't count and you deserve better on a milestone birthday. The least he can do is push the boat out and make it upto you.

Happy Birthday flowers cake wine

XiCi Fri 29-Jan-16 22:47:21

A landmark birthday, so you are 21, 30, 40 etc? And he got you a card from Tesco and fuck all for a present? I'm sorry but I would have hit the roof. Thoughtless bastard
Happy birthday OP, enjoy your 🍷 and let him know in no uncertain terms what a prick he's been

queenmools Fri 29-Jan-16 22:47:36

That is rubbish. Happy birthday!

BigSandyBalls2015 Fri 29-Jan-16 22:56:34

Have you not gone out tonight? I would be so pissed off.

Gettingoldgettingcold Fri 29-Jan-16 23:01:57

Yes, I am 40 today. We haven't gone out because neither of us drink and we couldn't get anyone to babysit so that we could go for a meal. That doesn't bother me too much though because I'm not really into going out.

I will probably wait until tomorrow when I'm calmer to have it out with him. If I started now I would probably lose my shit completely. Fucking asshole.

Cornberry Fri 29-Jan-16 23:02:03

I have to say that that's pathetic but not surprising. I'd like to say he's a shit for behaving in that way, but the thing is men just don't get it. They really don't. My OH is an amazing partner in almost every way. Thoughtful, considerate, helpful etc. He is still utterly hopeless at presents. I'd be furious and gutted too (I've been there) but try not to be too upset. If you've been out with your fair share of real arseholes like I have then you just have to accept that this is not his forte and be grateful for his positive attributes. I'd still let him know it's not on, but try not to take it personally, you know what I mean? It's not because he doesn't care, it's because they just don't get it.

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