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To think you can't seriously expect people to take annual leave to attend a hen do (sorry!)?

(129 Posts)
pasturesgreen Fri 29-Jan-16 17:48:18

Apologies for another hen do thread!

Friend is getting married in the summer. Apparently, a grand total of three (!) hen dos are being organized for her.

The 'main' one, for close friends (myself included), is abroad, involves a four-night stay away and, because of dates/flights, would require taking 3 days annual leave.

Then there's a Friday afternoon/evening in a popular seaside town which is 2 hours away from where we all live and, again, would probably require a day off if one wants to make the 12pm starting time.

Finally, there's a whole day spa thing. This is local, but it'll be on a Monday, as it's the more convenient day for the bride.

I work full time in a corporate job. I'm not always able to accurately predict what time I'll finish work, plus all three hen dos are at a time of year that's usually pretty busy work-wise, and AL might not be granted anyway. Therefore I informed the matron of honour, who is organizing everything and is an old friend, that I definitely won't be able to make the trip abroad. I promised to do my best about the other two events, and I think I might be able to attend the Friday evening do and pop in for part of the spa thing, but I'll have to see if I can get annual leave.

I'm already taking a day's AL to attend the actual wedding, which is on a weekday. Matron of honour is now massively pissed off with me, saying I'll be letting the bride down if I don't go on all three events. Background: bride is an old schoolfriend and we used to be very close, but we've drifted apart somewhat over the years.

So AIBU to think AL should be used for your own holidays, to places you actually want to go to, and not to attend hen dos?

Sirzy Fri 29-Jan-16 17:50:03

I would just try to take the time off for the one you want to go to most.

TitClash Fri 29-Jan-16 17:50:29

Thats totally OTT.

allegretto Fri 29-Jan-16 17:50:45

Not unreasonable at all! I hate hen dos and didn't even have one myself.

dietstartsmonday Fri 29-Jan-16 17:51:52

Who the hell needs three hen do's!!

OP I would pick which of the remaining two you would prefer to do and just attend that one

Alibabsandthe40Musketeers Fri 29-Jan-16 17:52:19

I would commit to one, and say you can't make the others.


WaitrosePigeon Fri 29-Jan-16 17:53:31

I'm knackered just reading that. Why on earth does she need 3? Please someone tell me why.

SerenityReynolds Fri 29-Jan-16 17:54:58

Utterly ridiculous. Not just in terms of leave, but surely cost as well?? Choose one to go to and the MOH can fuck off with her guilt tripping. If the bride would really get upset at people not taking what amounts to a whole week of leave, she has lost touch with reality!

CruCru Fri 29-Jan-16 17:55:01

Oh God. Does the bride have enough leave for all of this? Isn't she saving her leave for her honeymoon?

icysphincterporn Fri 29-Jan-16 17:56:25

YANBU. I do think some MNers overreact when it comes to weddings (usually by berating the bride for having a wedding at all!) but this is beyond excessive.

SevenOfNineTrue Fri 29-Jan-16 17:57:02

Sounds like she is in the land of Me Me Me!

Gazelda Fri 29-Jan-16 17:57:44

Unless I really wanted to go (rather than feeling I should go) then to be honest I'd decline all 3 hen invites, stating that my AL isn't unrestricted and as the wedding will need some time off, the remainder is allocated for other trips/events/PJ days.

I'd be massively offended at anyone trying to dictate or pressurise me on how i spend my AL.

Alconleigh Fri 29-Jan-16 18:00:00

MOH's a twat. And needs more in her own life clearly if she's this obsessed about someone's wedding. Ignore, go to one, whichever suits you best. And take a while to think about the fact that all this palaver is for someone you aren't actually close to any more; you will resent it if you end up spending a fortune, using up precious leave etc for someone you aren't actually good friends with any more.

Salimali15 Fri 29-Jan-16 18:00:19

Crazily over-the-top. Stick to your guns.

Mrskeats Fri 29-Jan-16 18:01:01

I don't get this type of stuff but then I'm ancient
If I have time off and money to go abroad it would be with my partner and kids
How much would it cost to do the 3 hen dos and the wedding inc present etc?
Prob go to Florida for that

pasturesgreen Fri 29-Jan-16 18:03:06

CruCru, good point. Unfortunately she does. They're having a short honeymoon as, rather hilariously, the groom is unable to take much AL.

CalleighDoodle Fri 29-Jan-16 18:03:38

So theres is literally nothing about the hen do and actual wedding which wont majorly inconvenience EVERYBODY ELSE. And probably cost some people money due to loss of earnings.

Im not allowed time off except school holidays accept possibly a wedding. So theres no way id be able to attend anything anyway.

Donthe bride and moh not work?!

Bunbaker Fri 29-Jan-16 18:03:59

Why is she such a special snowflake that she has to have three hen dos?

NickyEds Fri 29-Jan-16 18:05:04

So she really expects you to take six days AL?? 3 for the abroad one, one for the sea side, one for the spa and one for the actual wedding (I suppose a possible one the day after too??).

Absolutely ridiculous. Pick the one you want to go to most and do that one. What is everyone else doing? Surely everyone else is in the same boat?

BombadierFritz Fri 29-Jan-16 18:05:29

Well i thought yabu until i read the thread! Madness!! A day off, sure, but who needs three separate hen dos?

pasturesgreen Fri 29-Jan-16 18:08:23

For those who asked, going to all three dos, pitching in to cover the bride's costs, wedding presents (I use the plural as a separate, 'bride's only', present is being arranged. I know...), transport and all the other various bits and bobs involved would come up to something in the region of £1,300.

Which actually, written down, sounds ridiculous!

balletgirlmum Fri 29-Jan-16 18:08:49


I wouldn't go on any hen do abroad or one costing more than about £80 no matter how close I was to the bride becsuse that dirt of money is family money & I'd rather spend it on going on holiday with dh & the children.

It's all got a bit ridiculous. Whatever happened to a meal out with everyone the weekend before the wedding?

tappitytaptap Fri 29-Jan-16 18:09:18

Wow I felt guilty that some people took one day off for mine! No, MOH sounds unhinged!

CalleighDoodle Fri 29-Jan-16 18:11:09

Surely it was ridiculous before you wrote it down!!!! I dont get this coverig the bride and grooms expenses. Why is that a thing?

bettyberry Fri 29-Jan-16 18:11:17

3 fecking hen do's? THREE!?

She should be glad you can go to one and the wedding!

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