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to not go with the theme for this hen do?

(73 Posts)
ritaskeeterspen Fri 29-Jan-16 16:00:28

NC as some of the people going are MNers.

Sorry this is long but I need to explain the reasons I feel as I do. Going to a hen do in a few weeks. The 'theme' is burlesque.

Background: I have a 2yo and 4 month old twins, my husband has just left, I'm suffering from PND and anxiety, I feel absolutely rock bottom in terms of my self confidence. The majority of other ladies who will be going are all very confident, outgoing and happy with their bodies. They think nothing of going out in skimpy outfits and flashing some flesh.

I've ordered a 'burlesque' outfit, tried it on. I feel ridiculous. I have no boobs since I stopped BF, and although I'm very lucky to have 'sprung back' as it were, I don't feel like showcasing my post baby body to all and sundry. My image of my body has changed massively since having my children and I no longer see my body as something 'sexy' or 'attractive', I'm a mummy who uses my body to protect and nurture my children. The thought of having to squeeze into a basque and a tutu makes me really sick.

Also, since I don't get out much these days, I want to be able to enjoy the day rather than worrying about how I look/being a laughing stock the whole time.

If I don't go with the theme I'll be the only one. AIBU to not just suck it up for 1 day? Or should I stick.out like a sore thumb and wear a nice dress instead?

MissBattleaxe Fri 29-Jan-16 16:03:39

If you don't want to go just say you can't get childcare. I am so OVER pandering to other people's hen night whims, I just automatically say no whenever I'm asked.

Why not skip it and arrange another normal night out when the bride to be is suffering from post wedding day comedown?

PurpleWithRed Fri 29-Jan-16 16:03:40

I can't imagine anything worse than a hen party with a "burlesque" (i.e. Waitrose Essentials Stripper) theme. I wouldn't go at all personally.

Peppapogstillonaloop Fri 29-Jan-16 16:03:53

What does the day consist of (out of interest as have image of a load of burlesque clad ladies wandering round town in the day!)
I would say absolutely not unreasonable, can't think of anything worse than having to go out in a burlesque costume. I would think others will be envious of you in your nice comfortable clothes! You might not be the only one but even if you are I wouldn't worry about it..

Loveleopardprint Fri 29-Jan-16 16:05:07

Hi. That theme sounds awful! Poor you. Could you get a long black or red dressing gown in a silky material to wear over the top of the costume?

Bananalanacake Fri 29-Jan-16 16:05:40

Can you have a word with the organiser? if they have an ounce of understanding then you'll be ok to wear what you feel comfortable in.

MerryMarigold Fri 29-Jan-16 16:06:31

Could you sort of compromise with a jeans and a corset- style top?

But tbh, I've had twins, and at 4 months I wouldn't have gone on a hen do.

bornwithaplasticspoon Fri 29-Jan-16 16:06:54

YANBU at all. It's no one elses right to tell you what to wear. How about just wearing a LBD? I'm sure you'll not be the only one sticking to the theme. Is brides mum/aunties going?

Sweetpea15 Fri 29-Jan-16 16:08:48

Could you maybe do something less skimpy? I always think of rocky horror as slighty burlesque, and think of the suits? With a bow tie? So it could be like a 'pre' strip outfit, just joke you have nipple pasties (or whatever they're called) underneath.

In all seriousness though, if you don't feel comfortable then don't dress up. Have a word with the hen, I'm sure she'll be fine with it smile

ritaskeeterspen Fri 29-Jan-16 16:09:01

The day includes: bus to location at 10am, burlesque dance class at 12pm, cocktails and food at wetherspoons at 2pm. Onto town for more drinks. Most people are staying over so at 8pm theyre going to the hotel to change into evening wear then off to more bars and clubs. Fortunately I'm coming home to my babies around 9.
So yes, there will be a load of women wandering around a fairly classy cathedral city it various states of undress.

I would cancel but I've already paid. (Seemed a good idea at the time! confused)

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 29-Jan-16 16:09:40

I don't think you need to go the whole hog, some elbow length gloves and a cigarette holder? The actual clothes can be modest.

Hate hate hate hen dos in general though, so I wouldn't go at all, but if you do want to go just don't want to show off your body or be particularly conspicuous I think that's quite doable, Burlesque acts START with a lot of clothes on..

A line skirt, fishnets or those tights with the line up the back, top you're comfortable in, long gloves and some sort of prop like a fan (that you can put away in your bag if you feel it's too showy) should qualify you as making a nod to the theme without feeling silly x

MissBattleaxe Fri 29-Jan-16 16:10:32

Maybe you could for a burlesque look, rather than a burlesque outfit. Think Dita Von Teese

eloquent Fri 29-Jan-16 16:11:33

Corset and jeans. That's burlesque.
Don't feel pressured.

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 29-Jan-16 16:12:09

ah there's a class

Okay, well from what I've seen on facebookipedia, hen burlesque classes mostly involve taking off gloves and waving a few feathers around. I'ld hate it, mainly because there'll always be one (a least) who will demand everyone gets in a selfie at every point in the class and I hate selfies, but I don't think it means getting undressed

ritaskeeterspen Fri 29-Jan-16 16:12:24

Organiser doesn't have a mum or aunties. The oldest person who is going is around 45 and finds the whole idea hilarious.
The hen is a close family member but she's very high maintenance and not approachable enough to discuss my feelings with.

Purplepicnic Fri 29-Jan-16 16:12:46

Can you just wear a comfortable black dress, a feather boa and fish nets? Black eyeliner and feathers in your hair?

Basically something plain or comfortable but with burlesque accessories.

KurriKurri Fri 29-Jan-16 16:12:47

Seriously I would go if the bride is a good friend and where what the hell you want to.

Maybe stick a feather in your hair as a nod towards the theme.

Find a feather boa you can hide in your bag and bring it out to waft around at the dance class.

smellysocksandchickenpox Fri 29-Jan-16 16:12:53

p.s. I meant "pencil skirt" not A line - dunno why I wrote A line skirt???

Hiddlesnake Fri 29-Jan-16 16:12:58

I've seen a burlesque act that started out in a thick woolly jumper and dungarees... just saying.

KurriKurri Fri 29-Jan-16 16:13:20

'wear' not 'where' obv. !

Diggum Fri 29-Jan-16 16:13:58

I agree with sweetpea- nice fitted trouser suit/jacket and bow tie, heels, top hat and cane and then red nails and lips and some dramatic eye makeup.

Fuck corsets and feeling exposed. Go for classy and enjoy yourself.

Alicewasinwonderland Fri 29-Jan-16 16:14:11

If it was just about having fun with my friends, I would wear a black dress (ideally a sparkly one) with a red feather boa and loads of make up.

It all depends how you feel within the group, my friends would be happy just that I turn up!

Mouthfulofquiz Fri 29-Jan-16 16:14:18

I hate themed nights out with a passion and would avoid at all cost!!

ritaskeeterspen Fri 29-Jan-16 16:14:23

missbattleaxe I was thinking of something along those lines. That's generally how I dress on a night out anyway. Sightly alternative but not too much on show.

Elledouble Fri 29-Jan-16 16:14:46

Could you sort of half-do it? Corsety top, jeans (or whatever you're comfortable in), long gloves and one of those silly little hat fascinators? Failing that, a pencil skirt or wiggle dress (like this) with accessories might work?

But you'd not have got me on a hen do when my baby was four months old. I'm not sure I'd go on one now and he's nine months!

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