To think group friendships are never quite as good as one to ones or v small groups

(14 Posts)
LardLizard Fri 29-Jan-16 15:58:57

Or have I just never been in the right group

Just never seem to have got on that well with group friendships

KurriKurri Fri 29-Jan-16 16:08:05

I think everyone is different and you get different things from different types of friendships. I have some very good close one to one friendships - and we can have very personal chats and I love the time we spend just two people.

But I also love the fun of being with a group - it's always a good laugh and we have a lot of fun.

I think it depends on what groups are like - if there is someone in the group you don't quite gel with, then I think that might make it hard. I'm very lucky in that I really like everyone in my group friendships and they are also individual friends as well as group ones.

But if you are happier in one to one friendships - there's nothing wrong with that at all - I think lots of people feel a bit overwhelmed in a group and feel their personality gets a bit crushed by louder group members. Do whatever makes you the most comfortablesmile

MaisyMooMoo Fri 29-Jan-16 16:09:30

There are three of us in one friendship group. If only two of us ever meet it doesn't really work, it feels odd. All three have to be there.

maggiethemagpie Fri 29-Jan-16 21:35:35

I've never particularly got on with groups. I'm much better at 1:1 friendships. I had a big group of friends at uni, but always felt on the edge of it. There always seemed to be a pecking order, with me near the bottom. They're still all friends now, but I've just pared it down to one or two couples that I stay in touch with, and usually see individually - it makes me uncomfortable being with the lot of them, I guess those insecurities from my younger years never went away.

WonderingAspie Fri 29-Jan-16 21:51:46

YANBU. I always thought I liked a big group. Until I had a couple of issues with certain people and they whole thing fell apart for me. I find groups never seem to last as someone always has an issue with someone else and you can guarantee 1 or more will become excluded as a result.

I've since realised that I find a big group overwhelming and much prefer the company of a few select people or 1 to 1. I have an illness which makes noise an issue as well and a group of people exacerbates this and makes me feel ill.

I think sometimes you feel like you should like something because a lot of other people do but actually it's ok not to. I have a couple of friends who are 'the more the merrier' types and doing something low key is impossible with them as they invite every tom dick and Harry who they know. This is definitely not me.

rookiemere Fri 29-Jan-16 21:55:21

I agree.

I don't mind small groups say 3-5, but after that it always feels as if one or two individuals monopolise conversation.

It's an interesting thing to learn over time - with me I found out from my baby group that after a while the big group thing just wasn't working for me, particularly when we went out for drinks or dinner, seemed to spend the entire evening listening to one person drone on and on.

2rebecca Fri 29-Jan-16 21:59:11

My group friendships are different. They are mainly through hobbies and sports. There are individuals I am friends with within the group but there isn't the same intensity. Sometimes as you get older and have less time that can be good. I've also found as I get older I don't make strong friendships like I did when younger. My best friends were made years ago and live hours away from me now. With work, husband, family, hobbies I don't have the time or need for more intense 1 to 1 friendships and most women of my age (50s) seem to feel the same way.

foxessocks Fri 29-Jan-16 22:06:34

I was part of a huge friendship group at one point. And it seemed to keep getting bigger by the week with more people introducing friends of friends. I always felt on the outside of it, I never really felt like anyone would care if I was there or not. It got to the point where I went to an engagement party and everyone was there and I noticed that when I entered nobody even acknowledged me. About half an hour went by of me standing and feeling awkward on the sidelines until I decided to sort of muscle in and chat to a few people. They didn't really have much to say to me. About half an hour after that I just left without saying bye. No one checked I was okay or noticed I'd gone! I'm not saying this to criticise them - it just wasn't for me that kind of situation. Maybe because I'm an introvert.

I now have my oldest friend who I see either one to one or with her dh and my dh as a foursome. I have a group of 6 (3 couples) of us that are very close friends and one of the girls in that group I also see one to one a lot. And I have a group of about 6 friends who are mums of dds friends who I meet up with regularly. So my lesson learned is I can't deal with more than 6 people at a time!!

It's whatever you are comfortable with there's no point carrying on if you're miserable with the whole situation!

LardLizard Sat 30-Jan-16 18:39:21

Interesting thanks for the replies
Yes lots of what you say clicks with me

I've found there's always someone in the group that talks over everyone else
And test a pecking order also tends to appear after a year or so
And if there people in htc the group. That don't get on
It can be tricky

I think I suit one to one or small groups better

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve Sat 30-Jan-16 19:19:12

I've always hung about in groups, I'm quite private and find one to ones too intense. I've never had a best friend. My dh has that role.

Openup41 Sat 30-Jan-16 20:42:12

I rarely go out in a large group unless out for special occasions where you would expect a group setting. I generally meet my friends one on one. I was bullied at school so steer clear of groups where gossip and exclusion are likely to exist.

LardLizard Sat 30-Jan-16 20:53:03

I think I'm a fairly intense person
So that makes sense

tinofbiscuits Sat 30-Jan-16 21:18:36

I don't particularly go for large groups, I'm more of a one-to-one friendship person.

I've found that with groups there's a tendency to meet in a fairly noisy places like at the pub, where you have to shout to be heard and can't hear what others are saying. I prefer the environment of having coffee at a friend's house and to be able to concentrate on talking to one or a small number of people.

rookiemere Sat 30-Jan-16 21:38:09

Oh yes that's a good point tin. As I get older my hearing isn't as good as it used to be and I find it very hard to hear with background noise and even harder to project my voice to be heard. I don't mind restaurants but cannot abide pubs.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now