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About hen weekend?

(5 Posts)
caledonianclown Fri 29-Jan-16 10:00:27

My DSis is getting married in the summer, and I am in the process of planning her hen weekend. I am one of 5 siblings (DSis, DBro, DStepSis1 and DStepSis2) and am chief bridesmaid along with DSis best friend. We are all close and get on well as a family unit, and we don't tend to differentiate between biological and step siblings. DSis lives far away from the rest of us (500+ miles) but over the years has made the effort to travel at least 4-5 times a year to see all of us. She doesn't have DC and it's easier for her to travel and see all of us at the same time. I probably go once a year to see her in return, and I think DStepSisters have been once each in the last 5 years.

DSis is the last of the siblings to get married, we all had our turn over the last 10 years and had hen weekends away. She came to all of these, even when she was a student and really didn't have a lot of money to spend. We have planned her hen weekend for the city where she lives so that her friends do not have to travel and spend loads of money. However this means the 3 of us sisters do have to travel - it will cost around £80 each for return flights, plus activity and meals/drinks etc over the weekend - probably around £150-£200 in total each.

I emailed both DStepSisters yesterday to say I was booking my flights and did they want to try and get same flights, to which both have replied that they have no money and can't afford to come. I expected this from DStepSis 2, her family income is very tight, she's just had twins so has a lot of expenses and less income because of being on mat leave. She sent a very apologetic email, saying how guilty she feels but just can't manage it and that to not tell DSis as she wants to ring and speak to her herself to explain.

It's DStepSis1 I'm pissed off about - her and her husband both earn good money, they have lots of expensive treats throughout the year and a very comfortable standard of living. I feel like this is just an excuse because she can't be bothered to travel all that way for a weekend especially when DStepSis2 is not also going. She wasn't at all apologetic about it, despite the fact DSis has spent a lot of money over the years travelling to see all of us.

So, AIBU to be pissed off about this? And should I call her on it? Part of me wants to, as I feel quite upset about it on DSis behalf, but I probably should just shut up and accept it for the sake of family harmony!

leelu66 Fri 29-Jan-16 10:11:34

YANBU. Does your sis know SS2 is not going?

your sis makes a lot of effort visiting you guys 4-5 times a year. I wonder if SS2 realises the impact her decision could have on her relationship with your sis (and even you). I would not forgive this so easily (SS1 reasons are understandable).

Are your SSs joined at the hip for most events?

caledonianclown Fri 29-Jan-16 11:20:15

Thanks for the reply leelu

No I don't think SS1 realises the impact this will have on our relationship - she can be quite self centered generally and will just be thinking about herself. She won't know anyone else there except me and DSis as SS2 is not going, but I don't feel like that should be an excuse to not go. I didn't know anyone except sisters at her hen weekend and I still went!

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone Fri 29-Jan-16 12:09:14

She is being unreasonable but what can you do? You can't force her to come.

It is possible that your sister wont miss her amongst all her friends and yourself. Nothing much you can do

Throwingshade Fri 29-Jan-16 13:19:54

YANBU given the whole situation (I say that because generally speaking I think there is too much faff and expense over hen weekends abroad) but as the PP said, there's nothing you can do. It's not you who looks bad it's your step sister.

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