To expect SIL to get the train.

(144 Posts)
cabbage78 Fri 29-Jan-16 09:55:10

we have all booked to go to the lake district in December. Sis in law doesn't drive and has 2 kids , 10yrdd and baby will be 12 months. This holiday is Friday to Monday..free for SIL as MIL is paying for her lodge. SIL hasn't had holiday in quite a while and really wants to go. Her 10 yr old dd REALLY wants to go as will be with cousins etc.

Now the problem..there is no room in both of the other families cars to take SIL and her kids..her husband is refusing to even entertain the idea of driving her there and dropping her and his kids off..{2 hours one way)...he is invited btw but does not want to come.
Is it really so unreasonable that I suggested she get the train? the horror and amazement this suggestion has been met with by MIL and SIL is something else!
I suggested I take her luggage in my car and maybe MIL goes with her on the train with the 2 kids..i even said I would pick her up from train station the other end.
I had my head bitten off.

I cant see the problem I used to get the train down to London from Manchester all the time with baby and 6 yr old AND luggage, Was it fun? no..but needs must.

So now everyone is in a tiz trying to figure out how to get SIL there..Suggestions from we hire a mini bus to we pay an aunt to drive her...I feel like shouting..JUST get the train!!

DangerMouth Fri 29-Jan-16 09:57:38

Yanbu.

They'd pay an aunt but her own dh wouldn't drive them? confused

TriJo Fri 29-Jan-16 09:58:48

YANBU - if you don't drive, then you have to accept that public transport is a necessity. It's unfair to expect that others will pick the slack up for you because of your own choices.

Also, if it's 11 months to the holiday - that's more than enough time to actually learn herself!

PennyHasNoSurname Fri 29-Jan-16 09:59:28

Her DH sounds like a prize prick.

Not UR at all to take the train, maybe take the kids in the cars and an adult train it with her. Or take the baby in the car and she and the 10yo can take the train?

Mistigri Fri 29-Jan-16 09:59:49

It's your SIL's problem to solve, but I don't see any particular issue with her getting the train assuming there is a sensible train service, especially if you take her luggage. She has a preteen to help with the baby, and if she books a few weeks ahead she should get cheap tickets.

PennyHasNoSurname Fri 29-Jan-16 10:00:21

Yeah she could learn by December!

Morganly Fri 29-Jan-16 10:00:26

She sounds like she has a shitty husband so perhaps a bit of kindness and generosity is what she needs right now?

cuntycowfacemonkey Fri 29-Jan-16 10:00:47

I would just not get involved. Not my circus not my monkey's springs to mind

Oysterbabe Fri 29-Jan-16 10:00:57

I got the train to Penrith last time I went to that centre parcs and it was fine, quite a nice journey. I like getting the train though.

Arfarfanarf Fri 29-Jan-16 10:01:20

Get the train alone with a child and a baby and luggage?
One train? Or changes? Yes of course it can be done but it is a faff and it would be nicer for them not to have to do it. It's not like the faff of a train journey is her punishment for a free holiday now is it?

If it was me, i would be happy to chip in for one of the families going to hire a 7 seater for the week. Or unless each car has all seats full maybe there's scope for swapping around so that sil and the baby can travel together and the older child in another car.

BrianButterfield Fri 29-Jan-16 10:02:07

That's not a very difficult train trip without luggage. In fact, a train journey is preferable to going by car with small children imo as you can entertain them better, they can stretch their legs...it's only the bags that's a problem and if you will take them what's the issue!

Paintedhandprints Fri 29-Jan-16 10:02:26

Suggest she flies via Berlin because its cheaper?! grin
Well you made your suggestion and were shot down. I would step back and let them sort it. Try not to get involved in helping out with cost strongly suspect this is where the issue lies.

Cleensheetsandbedding Fri 29-Jan-16 10:03:02

Stay out of it and don't foot the bill!

BathshebaDarkstone Fri 29-Jan-16 10:03:19

YANBU. I used to take the train from Glasgow to London once or twice a year with 2 DC who were toddlers.

moopymoodle Fri 29-Jan-16 10:03:49

Just stay out of it. She's not your responsibility and tbh she sounds entitled. How else does she expect to get there?!

cabbage78 Fri 29-Jan-16 10:04:58

She is worried the baby might cry on the train..confused I was starting to think I was being ridiculous for suggesting the train after the angry response I got but glad to see I am not.

FarrowandBallAche Fri 29-Jan-16 10:05:48

Why is it your problem how your sil gets there?

If there's no room in the cars and her H won't take her ( I'm guessing that's another thread ) then just how is she supposed to get there?

What are others suggesting?

FairyBiker Fri 29-Jan-16 10:06:53

Could you hire a bigger car for the weekend? She should pay for it tho
If you can't all get in a car together at all during the weekend won't it limit what you can do?

MistressMerryWeather Fri 29-Jan-16 10:09:11

YANBU. You got your head bitten off because you are being sensible rather joining in the drama. This is a dilemma dontchaknow?

Don't get involved.

DesertOrDessert Fri 29-Jan-16 10:09:37

Is there space for baby and luggage in the cars? Then SIL, 12 yr old, and maybe MIL can get the train?

YANBU. Public transport comes with the territory if you don't drive.

Trills Fri 29-Jan-16 10:10:50

Would you want to take a train journey with a 10 yr old and a 12 month old and luggage for all 3 of you?

I'm not sure I would.

It's not your problem to sort out though.

If you want to be helpful, could you offer to pick them up from a mainline train station, to minimise the number of times they have to change train? (after dropping off all your family at the lodge).

The last time I got "a train" to the Lake District there were a number of changes at small windy stations with no cafe or pleasant place to wait.

cabbage78 Fri 29-Jan-16 10:12:00

Both families have 7 seaters and most seats are full..the rest of the room will just about squeeze all luggage in..including SILs luggage. She would basically just have pushair with baby in ..10 yr old..and probably MIL to help as well..so not even by herself. Her dh wont drop her at the train station and she wont get a cab {15 min drive} so I suggested I drop them at train station AND pick up the other end.

2016Hopeful Fri 29-Jan-16 10:12:46

Train sounds sensible but if you need transport when you get there too it won't be an easy week! I can't imagine there is much public transport around in the Lake District.

Anyway, I would leave it to the inlaws to sort out, you have generously offered as much as you can ie take luggage and pick up from station. Don't get involved in paying more money or offering to drive a bigger car.

deepdarkwood Fri 29-Jan-16 10:13:18

Sounds like a very sensible plan - esp with the MIL going/you take the baggage help, I would agree that given that her dh is clearly a total arse, she might need a bit of supporting - maybe she's feeling a little vulnerable at the mo?

If you're not used to long train journeys, they can be daunting with a lo. I took my two on a 6 hour journey when they were 3 & 5 and the number of people who thought I was totally mad/the amount of help and sympathy I got on the train was slightly weird! It was MUCH easier than the equivalent journey in a car...

ImperialBlether Fri 29-Jan-16 10:13:31

SIL and two cousins should get the train. The kids will have fun together. SIL can sit in peace and read her book. The baby can go in the car.

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