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To ask for your opinions on what to do workwise.

(16 Posts)
whattodocareer Thu 28-Jan-16 16:26:29

Posting here for traffic.

Have NC as its pretty specific and I don't want to be recognised.

Back story is that my H left me before Christmas. Before that I was a SAHM doing a very small bit of freelance work. We have 3 DC's, one who has severe SN, so my main job was his carer, although he is at school during the day.

I realised that I would need to find a job to pay the mortgage, so have applied and been offered 2 jobs, but I just cant decide what to do for the best.

Job 1 is 24 hours a week, working over 4 days including weekends. Its a job, not really a career but it will pay the bills and mean that I am always around to pick up the children from school. I would be able to get tax credits (due to DS's disabilities) to top up the wages.

Job 2 is more money, not just because its full time, I can work from home 2 days a week and its a really interesting job. It will mean relying on my Ex-H to pick up the children from school 3 days a week, which I don't know how happy I am with.

I really want job 2, but its stressful and I don't know how much stress I need right now on top of everything else, but I don't think its an opportunity that will come round again.


RubbleBubble00 Thu 28-Jan-16 16:29:15

I'd take job 2 as doing something that's interesting is a huge plus as is the working from home. Why wouldn't u want ex to pick up his own kids?

Babymamamama Thu 28-Jan-16 16:30:33

Go for job two. It will be more interesting for you. Also if you can get into a pattern where your ex shares the pick ups then that will mean less of a burden for you. Also better pay has got to be a good thing. Well done for the job offers. Hope it works out for you. Once you've established yourself in the role and doing well you could try to ask for more flexible working too.

LastOneDancing Thu 28-Jan-16 16:32:04

Have you spoken to exDH - would he be reliable/willing to pick up his children?
Is it office based and if so how far is the commute (as these can be stressful too). When you say stressful - are their deadlines or people management tasks involved?

Is the 'just a job' work you've been offered easy to come by? I mean, it's not a once in a career oppertunity?

Ultimately I think I'd want to at least try the interesting job and be prepared to jack it in if it wasn't working.

CombineBananaFister Thu 28-Jan-16 16:39:05

Will job2 be a good thing for you when the kids are older and childcare isn't such an issue? if so I'd go with that but only if you think you'll be able to manage to do it well and make a good impression so it would be a good longterm investment for you.
If you've got too much on your plate already and you don't think you'd have a reliable childcare plan in place to do it justice and just end up stressed out then i'd take job1.
Its definately better to have something that interests you but not if its going to be so much of a juggle you'll resent it.

whattodocareer Thu 28-Jan-16 17:01:24

The reason I can't rely on ex H is that he is unreliable. He works for himself and can be as flexible as he needs to be, but there have been occasions in the past where he hasn't been around for his own reasons, even though he easily could have been if that makes sense.

whattodocareer Fri 29-Jan-16 10:18:44

Spent all night flip flopping and still no closer to making a choice. My head says job 1, my heart says job 2.

PrimalLass Fri 29-Jan-16 10:36:13

Don't forget to factor in school holidays.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 29-Jan-16 10:38:51

Take job 2 and see if you sort out alternative arrangements in case you have doubts about your ex helping out.

Surely the school would call him if he failed to turn up for collection

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow Fri 29-Jan-16 10:40:09

I'd probably go for job 1.

Are they in a similar field? Is there a vast difference in salary?

I've spent the primary school years panicking about the school run, calling in favours, having to duck out of work early, even buying in paid help didn't always mean reliability. It was a nightmare. Throw in the school holidays too. Is any extra money earned by job 2 going to be swallowed up anyway on childcare and holiday clubs?

ProfGrammaticus Fri 29-Jan-16 10:42:38

Why does ex need to do the pick ups, can't you use child care? You'll get most of the cost back from tax credits.

SwedishEdith Fri 29-Jan-16 10:43:47

Job 2 and pay for an after-school childminder.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Fri 29-Jan-16 10:45:01

Could a child minder theoretically pick your kids up if you take job 2 and your ex lets his kids down by not picking them up, or are your DS's special needs such that you'd need a CM with specific extra training and no other mindees, which would make that more complicated and hard to arrange?

I'd want to know I had a fall back plan and not be reliant on somebody who has previously shown himself to be unreliable in the past, even though they are his kids too - it's you and your kids who will have a problem if he cba to pick the kids up, even though you will clearly have the moral high ground.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne Fri 29-Jan-16 10:50:02

In all honesty if I was really in your position I'd take job 1, though I am sure the idealistically correct answer is to take job 2. You "shouldn't have to" compromise because you can't rely on your ex to pick his own kids up even though he should, but in the real world the stress on you might be enormous and detract from your performance in job 2 if he keeps letting you down...

How will you cover school holidays and illness in each job? Is that also likely to depend on your ex doing his share and possibly letting the kids down at the last minute? If job 2 can be done from home does that actually make it more practical to cover holidays and illness working from home?

Difficult one! Good luck brew

eatingworms Fri 29-Jan-16 10:57:40

I think you should give job 2 a go. Worst case scenario you have to leave and get something more like job 1 which sounds like it's the type of job that is easier to come by. I think you might kick yourself if you don't at least try and relying on CTC could be stressful if they start reducing them.
You need to think long term - definitely look into child care to cover the gaps.

goldierocks Fri 29-Jan-16 11:13:54

Hello OP...sorry to hear of your troubles and congratulations on two job offers! flowers

After the breakdown of my marriage, I wouldn't have been able to concentrate at work if I'd been worrying about DS before/after school. EX-H wasn't a factor; there is a restraining order in place (he's a violent alcoholic).

I was in a similar situation. Job 1 ticked the boxes, but I knew it wasn't the right fit for my particular set of skills. Job 2 was perfect, but the full-time hours were not right. Alongside the challenges of being a single parent, I have a mobility based disability.

My Nan used to have a motto - "You don't ask, you don't get" - I approached prospective job 2, explained what I could do and they were great. I've been fully set up to work from home on days when I'm unable to commute and so long as I do my contracted hours, they are completely flexible about how I do them.

My advice would be to approach Job 2, explain your situation and see if you could come to an agreement that works for both them and you.

If you're like me and would struggle with Job 2 while worrying about your children, then depending on their ages I'd probably take Job 1 but keep looking. I'd more than likely go with Job 2 if my children were at or very near secondary school age.

If you go with Job 1, definitely keep looking. Job 3 might be just around the corner and could be perfect for you in both respects (interest/hours).

Good luck with your decision.

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