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to feel this emotional about a relationship ending when it's my choice?

(8 Posts)
Whinfell10 Thu 28-Jan-16 10:57:29

I have told DH or maybe that should be STBXH that the lawyer is sending the letter today saying i want a divorce. I just feel so utterly sad and tearful even tho it's my choice. 15 year relationship, 8 year marriage, 2 kids, one of whom is still a baby. I've grown up with him really.

His depression which goes in waves of good periods and bad periods has driven me to this point - he lies, spends money in secret, sleeps a lot, is not supportive emotionally, has very dark moods , creates huge tension at times in the house etc etc ... But then there are really fun good times too and I look back on lots of great times together. I've done so much over the years to support him and get him help but the good periods never last and he never takes responsibility for his own health. I've decided I can't cope with the roller coaster and I desperately want peace of mind as the stress is just too much and has impacted my wellbeing. but I also feel so sad and bad for him, like I am abandoning him as I still care for him a lot. It's like I want to take care of him through this process but I can't really as I am the one creating it!! Is it at all normal to feel like this?

Owllady Thu 28-Jan-16 11:01:44

It sounds completely normal to me flowers you care about him but you've ran out of energy to car for him as he won't do it for himself. It sounds very difficult, but your priorities change when you become a mum. Do you think he has bipolar disorder? Because living with someone who had undiagnosed bipolar is really hard sad

BathshebaDarkstone Thu 28-Jan-16 11:04:18

Of course YANBU. flowers

Hihohoho1 Thu 28-Jan-16 11:06:44

Think you are sad for what you could have had and not what you did have.

You can't parent a partner. He has to take responsibility for himself now.

helenahandbag Thu 28-Jan-16 11:08:22

Just because you're making the right choice for you, it doesn't mean it's the easy choice.


BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 28-Jan-16 12:42:55

YANBU. I did the same. I left my DH 15 months ago now due to same sort of reasons, depression, fed up of walking on egg shells all the time. I loved him still but just couldn't live like it any longer

It's sad, I still worry about him, still look out for him, it's natural if you've been with someone for so long.

It will get easier, just look after yourself. I had such terrible guilt problems when I left but I had a counsellor and he showed me how to cope with it.

Good luck.

Whinfell10 Thu 28-Jan-16 13:15:14

Thanks everyone, the replies help

Owllady not sure what bipolar symptoms are exactly - he manages to hold down a really big job but it's like he then falls apart at home.

BillBrysonsBeard Thu 28-Jan-16 14:24:37

Totally normal to feel like this, a huge part of your life is coming to an end, and like someone else said, you are mourning what could have been. If only he was always like he is in a good period. It would be much easier if he was always bad.

The only thing you don't have because you're the initiator are the "whys" and the feelings of rejection, but you will still feel all the other stuff flowers

It might turn out that he sorts himself out once he's alone and has the responsibility of having the kids by himself.

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