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to not offer to pick up/drop off

(208 Posts)
mommy2ash Wed 27-Jan-16 23:34:55

I unfortunately don't drive. I attempted to learn but was much too nervous and most likely won't attempt to again.

My dd's friend has been asking to come play at ours for a while. The kids have given us the other mums phone number and asked us to sort out a day, they are nine. I work full time so don't have a lot of free time but this weekend my dd is having another girl over to stay and go bowling. I text the mum saying her dd was more than welcome and gave my address and times to drop her and said the next day she can stay as long as she likes whatever suited.

The mum text back saying her dd would love to come and was excited and said I can pick her up before lunch time on Saturday and drop her back before 12 on Sunday as they are going somewhere.

Once I explained I won't be able to collect or drop off her mum cancelled and said her dd is now very upset.

Now I feel awful but I don't have a car and there isn't a direct bus so would need to take two buses there and two buses home each time. It takes between 10-15 minutes by car.

This mum and her husband both drive.

I thought my original message was clear before she accepted and this mum knows I don't drive. Aibu?

Tink06 Wed 27-Jan-16 23:44:22

Yanbu. Even without the driving if you made it clear that you couldn't pick or drop off then it is her who is bu.

BurningBridges Wed 27-Jan-16 23:44:33

even if you did drive, why is it up to you to pick up and take home?! That's madness! Maybe offer to buy a car and learn to drive, simply in order to accommodate their upset DD?!

nocabbageinmyeye Wed 27-Jan-16 23:47:49

Yanbu, did you phrase it like you did above? That's perfectly clear and to be honest even if you hadn't been clear she was cheeky to be so presumptuous and even cheekier to try lay on the guilt trip.

"That's a pity she can't come, another time maybe? I won't ever be in a position to drop/collect, it's a shame you have disappointed her, I did mention drop off/collection times in my message, tell her we will be happy to have her again if you can sort out lifts"

ImperialBlether Wed 27-Jan-16 23:48:24

So you're meant to pick up this girl, entertain her and then drop her off?

Her mother is crazy. Stay away from her.

whois Wed 27-Jan-16 23:48:50

Other mum is strange. Her poor DD!

moveon Wed 27-Jan-16 23:51:31

You asked the parents to drop.

You did tell the parents that you cannot drive, didnt you?
But regardless if my dd was invited to something I would expect to drop her to somewhere, venue or starting point, to participate.

mmgirish Wed 27-Jan-16 23:52:28

YANBU. I would stay away from this other women too. Perhaps this was a lucky escape...

GhoulWithADragonTattoo Wed 27-Jan-16 23:55:46

I assume she can't drive and thinks you can? It's presumptuous anyway but more understandable if herself can't drive.

mommy2ash Wed 27-Jan-16 23:56:48

Yes the mum knows I don't drive the kids have been in school together for five years. She was only asking me how I get to work the other day at the school gates.

The message I sent her was hi I'm taking c and y bowling and for a sleepover on Saturday. Z is more than welcome if she would like to come. My address is ...... You can drop her off at 12 on Saturday and she can stay as long as she likes on Sunday whatever time suits you to get her.

QuietWhenReading Wed 27-Jan-16 23:59:27

Etiquette is that if someone is kind enough to invite your DC out you drop them off and pick them up.

I find in practice that I'll often offer to bring children home but if my own kids are at someone else's I always assume that I'm picking up.

Herrerarerra Thu 28-Jan-16 00:02:38

Ghoul the OP said that both the other mother and her husband drive, so that's not the case.

YANBU mommy2ash - some people are so cheeky! I don't drive either but when my boys were younger I never expected or asked another parent to pick up and drop them off if going to play. It would never cross my mind to!

Hihohoho1 Thu 28-Jan-16 00:05:25

She sounds daft op. Your message was fine.

Thinking ahead though if you live in an area that doesn't have good transport links it's going to be hard on your dd. the teenage years are basically 'can I have a lift and a tenner' grin

You will need to rely on other parents or taxis for the cinema/cafe/party trips and that will be difficult and expensive.

Trust me I am a nervous driver now, never used to be, can't you try to learn again?

mommy2ash Thu 28-Jan-16 07:39:36

I really would love to drive would make my life a lot easier. I don't know where I could even fit In lessons between working and my dd I don't have any free time

Krampus Thu 28-Jan-16 07:48:31

Yanbu your message was perfectly clear.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Thu 28-Jan-16 08:12:32

You were perfectly clear and her dd's upset is down to her.

Don't feel bad, it wasn't you.

GloGirl Thu 28-Jan-16 08:14:17

Can you take your DD on lessons maybe? Have her looked after for the fist 5 if at all possible then she should be able to come if she can sit quietly?

GloGirl Thu 28-Jan-16 08:14:28


Gobbolino6 Thu 28-Jan-16 08:20:01

YANBU. You told the mum in advance so it's her fault her DD is upset.

DartmoorDoughnut Thu 28-Jan-16 08:22:51

YANBU that mum sounds very demanding! "Yes you may entertain and chauffeur my DD around for the weekend" rude!

fidel1ne Thu 28-Jan-16 08:25:45

YANBU at all. She sounds odd.

expatinscotland Thu 28-Jan-16 08:26:19

YANBU! Other mum is cray cray.

As for learning to drive, that's your business, but I found learning on an automatic so much easier.

Seriouslyffs Thu 28-Jan-16 08:32:16

Your message was clear! It's her not you.

DoreenLethal Thu 28-Jan-16 08:35:54

Her daughter is upset because of her, not because of you!

HSMMaCM Thu 28-Jan-16 08:42:20

Your message was clear. If you have a child over, then their parents drop off and pick up by default, unless any other arrangement is made. That's how it's always worked here anyway.

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