I know I was unreasonable *sigh*(7 Posts)
Last night my partner had a work dinner and he came home an hour later and the worse for wear; not ideal when he has an important presentation today.
He woke me and my daughter up by doing that comedy being quiet thing then decided at 5am he had lost his phone (he hadn't it was in his coat pocket)
Anyway we never argue but I was annoyed as I was tired as the dog doesn't seem well and kept waking us up the night before
He was not very happy I had a moan and said he would leave then!! For background we have been incredibly happy to this point.
Later on he's full of apologies and says it was cos he was drunk etc
I think I'm annoyed more generally as he still hasn't advanced his divorce as he says he's afraid of confrontation etc and possible solicitors bills. I think as we are so happy generally I seize on any little thing to vent a bit.
How unreasonable and general thoughts pls
You seem to have identified the root cause of your annoyance yourself. It sounds like you need to have a serious talk about the situation re: his divorce. Try not to get sidetracked with smaller issues, especially if you're generally happy with him. Good luck.
There's a long back story involving his ex also which would take months to explain so I think I'm quietly seething a lot of the time
He's a lovely man though in general so I think a proper calm chat is in order
The thing is that a divorce is inevitable anyway, isn't it? So him pussyfooting around it doesn't make the problem go away.
Do they agree on access to the children and the financial side? If they agree on both of those things then they can divorce easily, without solicitors.
As far as last night goes, it sounds like he was being a bit of a drunken arse, and you got annoyed, which sounds quite reasonable to me. The way you describe a happy relationship, with you quietly seething about some issues does not sound good though. You need to have a proper talk, and get any issues resolved, or it is all going to blow up at some point.
My general thoughts are that firstly it's hard to judge as an outsider, particularly with a backstory as you say...
Secondly I don't think your reaction is unreasonable. I don't think being drunk is an 'excuse' for anything; not once you're a grown up anyway - I honestly believe that alcohol only brings out what's already in somebody anyway, and if you're sober enough to be awake, you're sober enough to control yourself.
Anyway, that aside, as you say, I think you do need to have a calm chat, and lay down some ground rules maybe of what you think is acceptable. To me, getting in late pissed and waking the DC, then waking you all again at 5am is absolutely not on. Not a deal breaker as a one off, but something that would require a lot of grovelling afterwards. Also, telling you he's leaving just because you're unhappy about something he's done is bordering on controlling behaviour (ie shut up and put up or I'm off). So he needs to realise he can't say that one ever, unless he really is going, that is...
How long have you been together OP?
Weve been together a year and this is the first time anything like this has happened.
Yes the divorce is inevitable but hes very wary of confrontation so he avoids discussion i think.
Hes been very apologetic today but i was shocked by what he said
He said today that i dont want you to be unhappy-well i would be very unhappy if you left was my response
Im not very patient i guess but i think his ex will be fine re divorce as shes going to have what shes asked for
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