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About telling a friend to pay up.

(89 Posts)
LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 09:43:47

I have a 'friend' who has a sort of craft business. First she had a family member work for her and there were problems with payment. So then after that didn't work out she got a parent at the school to work for her. They haven't got pain either, despite a loan which was being waiting on being sorted out.

This friend has been quite demanding and manipulative over the years so I have kind of let go. Yesterday I was cross about the way she treats people and worried about the parent at school who says they might not be able to afford the mortgage this month unless they get the several thousand pounds owed. I sent a text to the 'friend' owing the money yesterday. I said "I saw X, hear you owe them X. Hope you can pay them soon as they might not be able to afford the mortgage this month" I get a reply later saying they are sorting it out.

At the school pick up, I meet the parent owed the money. They are cross with me. Say they can't believe I did that, they had had a call from the 'friend' which seems not to have gone well. I have caused lots more problems now.

Oh dear. I still think I did the right thing, but I guess I should have stayed out of this mess....what do you think?

LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 09:44:23

I mean 'haven't got paid' in the first line

honeysucklejasmine Wed 27-Jan-16 09:46:14

Yeah, not really your place to get involved unless owed friend has asked you specifically to help.

Good intentions, sadly misplaced. sad

RonniePickering Wed 27-Jan-16 09:46:17

I wouldn't want you speaking on my behalf, so I can see why your friend was upset.

It wasn't your place to say anything.

QuietWhenReading Wed 27-Jan-16 09:46:29

Your intentions were good but it wasn't your business to get involved,". Why did you?

AlwaysHopeful1 Wed 27-Jan-16 09:50:36

Wow how rude and out of order you are! Have you no boundaries? Why on earth did you think it's your place to do this?

emotionsecho Wed 27-Jan-16 09:51:59

No you didn't do the right thing, it was none of your business. You've undermined the friend who is owed money and put her on the spot, she didn't know what you had done and was no doubt taken by surprise by the other friend's call, also she may not want the fact she is struggling to make her mortgage payment common knowledge.

I'm sure you meant well but this was the wrong thing to do.

RudeElf Wed 27-Jan-16 09:52:10

Wow!! You were way out of line! That wasnt your place at all to get involved! What ever possessed you?

goodnightdarthvader1 Wed 27-Jan-16 09:53:12

Yes, you were way out of line. You clearly wanted to save the day but you embarrassed your friend.

FirstWeTakeManhattan Wed 27-Jan-16 09:53:12

This friend has been quite demanding and manipulative over the years

OP, it sounds like your feelings about this 'friend' blinded you to the fact that this wasn't your issue.

I would be pretty annoyed if someone sent that message on my behalf - I do understand why the parent wasn't happy.

Hope it sorts out okay.

LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 09:56:15

Ok thanks. I wonder if I can do anything to help sort it out? Probably not. Yes i think I wanted the 'friend' to know how out of line she was as no-one else seemed to be telling her. I also thought it might make her pay up. Thanks for your replies.

LagunaBubbles Wed 27-Jan-16 09:57:14

Completely out of order, regardless of who is at fault with these 2 friends if I was either one of them I would be furious with what you had done!

LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 10:00:10

OK. Well at least my intentions were good, I'm not the one using people right left and centre

AlwaysHopeful1 Wed 27-Jan-16 10:03:42

Your intentions were not good, you used this as an opportunity to get at her for other reasons which had nothing to do with you.

LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 10:06:11

OK maybe so. Maybe I need to learn from this when not to get involved. I did honestly think that she needs told people can't be treated like this. It has gone on too long. i should have stuck to taking issue with things she had done directly to me or my family, I suppose.

RudeElf Wed 27-Jan-16 10:06:52

no-one else seemed to be telling her.

Maybe because she is an adult and its no-one else's business to "straighten her out"!

You are behaving as if she is your misbehaving teen.

You need to step way back.

Apologise to both parties and promise to hold your tongue in future. Doubt either will trust you enough to share things with you though.

Waltermittythesequel Wed 27-Jan-16 10:08:19

Your intentions were not good.

You wanted to plant yourself right in the middle of situation that was none of your business.

How dare you?!

SaucyJack Wed 27-Jan-16 10:13:33

It sounds to me as if she isn't any sort of friend at all- and that you were just looking for an excuse to take her to task.

You may or may not have been justified in wanting to- but you should have left the other school mum out of it regardless.

seasidesally Wed 27-Jan-16 10:13:54

Yeah, not really your place to get involved unless owed friend has asked you specifically to help.

Good intentions, sadly misplaced


CocktailQueen Wed 27-Jan-16 10:14:11

What on earth is your friend doing for your other friend to be owed 'several thousand pounds'?

And why on earth hasn't she made more of a fuss about being paid by now? Bonkers.

Yes, you overstepped the boundary here - none of your business!

shoeaddict83 Wed 27-Jan-16 10:14:33

sorry but agree with others - this was not your business.

If the other friend was really that bothered about the 'several thousands of pounds' shes owed, she'd confront her herself for the money, she did not ask for your intervention.

teeththief Wed 27-Jan-16 10:14:35

Absolutely none of your business!! I would have been furious with you if I was your 'friend' too

LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 10:16:32

It's been going on for about two years. I'm not sure, it is a total mess. Strung them along with waiting for a loan, and since the loan has arrived now isn't contacting them. I do agree, it wasn't my business and I won't do it again.

Kirkenes Wed 27-Jan-16 10:16:49

Maybe you could send a text to apologize to both of them. Tell them you are really sorry and that you did it without thinking and that you now realize that it was inappropriate.

You messed up but at least you have accepted that you have. If you apologize wholeheartedly then hopefully there will be no damage done.

LovelyBath Wed 27-Jan-16 10:17:12

I am very happy to be rid of the narcissistic 'friend' to be honest. Feels like freedom.

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