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AIBU?

AIBU - MIL comments about SIL

89 replies

Tweetypie100 · 27/01/2016 08:10

ok so I realise motherhood is very very hard and takes a lot of work - it is just really really difficult. but - my MIL always makes comments about my SIL like "oh we have to help her out, she has two kids" and "poor girl, I wonder what she's doing at home with two kids?" And "it's so hard for her, you know she has two kids!" to be clear here, i'm not criticising my MIL, who I really like and get along with. it's just that she says it almost everyday!

I just always think ok yes - but loads of other people have kids too! She has a husband and gets a lot of help from family. AIBU to think my MIL is being a little too OTT? She has two kids herself and I know others with three and I don't hear this from them!

OP posts:
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PennyHasNoSurname · 27/01/2016 08:12

Do you have kids?

Two really is hard! Maybe your MIL appreciates that as she has experience of it?

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StillStayingClassySanDiego · 27/01/2016 08:12

Do you mean MiL is expecting you to chip in as well?

Has SiL asked for help or said she's struggling?

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pictish · 27/01/2016 08:13

Meh...it's between your mil and her daughter isn't it? I don't know why your sil getting some emotional and practical support from her mum, who is willing to offer it, should bother you?

Do you have kids?

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KaraokeQueenOfTheNorth · 27/01/2016 08:14

Do you have any children?

I wish my mother in law would acknowledge how hard it is having kids!

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pictish · 27/01/2016 08:14

Oh sorry - did you mean that mil expects you to pitch in for sil? If so, yanbu.

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MorrisZapp · 27/01/2016 08:15

I think it's lovely that her mum helps her. Have no idea what your beef is here.

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Birdsgottafly · 27/01/2016 08:15

How old are SILs children?

Is she hinting that SIL would like you to offer help or company?

Other than that, she may just be making conversation.

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theycallmemellojello · 27/01/2016 08:23

Not seeing the problem here...

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HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 27/01/2016 08:26

Sorry I don't understand what the issue is? or are you hoping for a MIL bashing thread

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zzzzz · 27/01/2016 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MonkeyPJs · 27/01/2016 08:35

I think that possibly you don't know what you don't know.

If your SIL is struggling there may well be something else at play like PND or similar, or some other issues, that your MIL knows about and you don't.

Different people respond to parenting in different ways, and some people just struggle more than others for a million different reasons. I know someone with four kids who makes it look easy, but someone with one who really struggles. There are SO many variables at play with parenting it's best not to judge if you can help it.

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firesidechat · 27/01/2016 08:38

My daughter is a sahm to two small children and yes it is very tough. Lonely, mind numbingly boring and hard, hard work. Obviously my children are grown up now, but it was one of the hardest stages of life. I don't regret it at all, but it's not a walk in the park.

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MadisonMontgomery · 27/01/2016 08:45

It sounds to me like maybe SIL is really struggling.

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maybebabybee · 27/01/2016 08:49

Why does this annoy you? Your MIL sounds quite nice TBH.

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LaContessaDiPlump · 27/01/2016 08:52

I think that consistently describing someone else's life as being terribly hard simply because they have 2 children is a bit odd. However, your MIL may privately consider her daughter's living arrangements/kids/husband in particular to be hard work. Obviously she can't say that as it might cause upset, so she might generalise it to be just about the fact that they have 2 kids.

I've got 2 kids - my particular situation isn't THAT bad, tbf. I acknowledge that circumstances can and do vary though.

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Katenka · 27/01/2016 08:54

I find two kids incredibly hard. I work full time and juggling school events for two is difficult. Hobbies, parties etc.

I would find it odd if mum felt sorry for me though.

But really why does it bother you? It's your mils daughter, if she thinks she is finding it hard. Maybe she is.

Some people seem to have 3 or 4 or 5 with ease. Some find having one really hard. I couldn't have more than two, it would drive me insane.

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LaContessaDiPlump · 27/01/2016 08:56

I should clarify that step-MIL does this about BIL's family. They have 3 children and so it's terribly hard, you know. No, the parts that make it terribly hard are: that both adults have FT demanding jobs of uncertain stability, the kids have packed schedules because the parents are very keen on extracurricular achievement, and the 3rd child in question has mild learning difficulties which mean he needs extra help from parents.

I get slightly annoyed by her insistence that it's all down to the mere existence of child #3. It's not. I know she knows that, but to openly acknowledge all of the above would be akin to setting off a depth charge. They do have a more difficult life than us though, I'll agree with that, and I sympathise.

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zoemaguire · 27/01/2016 08:57

If they are small, two kids IS hard. Having two under 3 for instance was one of the hardest times of my life. Now I have a 2, 5 and 7yo and life is very much easier, even with three.

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Hihohoho1 · 27/01/2016 08:58

I found my first two hard work but my second two 10 years later much easier.

It's just how you feel at the time but how many kids you have. One can be hard and four easy.

I really don't understand your post to be honest.

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Peevedquitter · 27/01/2016 09:01

It may just be that you MIL isn't very good at small talk or it could be your SIL is having a hard time it could equally be a veiled comment that your MIL is a bit peeved at feeling as if she has to help.

In the great annals of MIL annoyinness it's not a biggie.

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Summeblaze · 27/01/2016 09:01

My MIL helps her DD out with childcare and jobs around the home etc which I have no problem with as I get help from my own DM. What really drives me mad is similar comments to yours OP about how hard she has it and how tired she is. I am a mum myself and SIL only has one child (10) to my 3 including a toddler. i know how hard it is so why say.

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PaulAnkaTheDog · 27/01/2016 09:09

I'm confused as to why this is an issue for you. She's saying her daughter finds it difficult sometimes. So what?

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GlitteringJasper · 27/01/2016 09:13

How many children do you have op?

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DramaQueen38 · 27/01/2016 09:28

It is a big jump from one to two in terms of managing.

If you have none of your own yet, she's letting you know that when you have 2 kids she will help you too, as she understands how hard it is.

If you have one, as above.

If you have 2 kids already but don't ask for any help she's either praising you for being so in control or letting you know that she understands and is available to help.

If you have 3 or more, she's praising you and wondering how on earth you do it.

YABU

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Gottagetmoving · 27/01/2016 09:30

Is different for everyone. I know someone who has four children and works full time who finds it quite easy. She doesn't get help from anyone apart from her husband who also works full time. I know another woman who has two children who finds it very difficult.
I think it depends on your personality and who you are. There is nothing wrong in being in the position that you find it hard.
YABU to be annoyed about it OP. That's your SIL and MILs situation. If you can manage and think it's not that difficult then you should feel happy that's how you are.
It could be your SIL is the way she is because her mother has always fussed and done things for her but even if that's the case, it's the way they are and not really your concern.

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