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To leave DH to sort out work problems even though I know he needs help?

(8 Posts)
GobiasIndustries Tue 26-Jan-16 14:11:03

Posted in 30 days or less earlier but had no response so copied and pasted over here for some traffic!

Long time lurker but first actual post!

My DH told me yesterday that he had a meeting in work and they've decided to demote him. This came without any warning and he was quite shocked. He is (or rather was) management level but his manager went to their manager and said they weren't getting enough support from DH. He has been there just coming up to a year and hasn't had any sign that this may have been on the cards. He has a lot of responsibilities and said that he can't give the support needed because of this but nobody seems to realise this, despite him mentioning it in the meeting yesterday. They have decided to replace him with another member of staff who has been there longer but he is still keeping a lot of the work load he has at the moment as he is the only one who is trained and qualified to do any of it. So now this new person will take over and be able to offer all this support straight away and it will look like DH wasn't up to the role. His pay is going to remain the same but he loses out on loads of benefits that management level get such as bonuses, a bigger pension contribution, extra holidays and ability to have more control over when he works as well as other things.

I tried to get him to email his manager's manager last night with a few alternative solutions. For example, having two staff members at his level to share the workload, train others up to do what he does, give him another member of staff for support and maybe trial this for another couple of months before making a final decision. At least that way he has a chance to try and sort out his workload and can be more prepared for the next meeting. This is yet to be announced to the rest of the team. He is still in a bit of shock about it all and couldn't really think of what to say during the meeting. The thing is, DH is really nice and despite being a good manager, when it comes to stuff like this he has trouble being firm and standing up for himself. He's very laid back and sometimes lacks a sense of urgency which at times drives me crazy! I feel like I don't want to push him but he needs to make a big of a point of how he had no warning and how disappointed he is to the right people and show them that he is willing to work hard for the position.

His confidence has taken quite a big hit and he has gone in today really deflated. I think he's a bit embarrassed and worried how it will look when everyone is suddenly told that he is no longer a manager. He loves this job. In the past he had a role that wasn't enough for him and he would hate going to work but there was such a difference in him when he was doing this. I want to help but at the same time I want him to do things for himself!

Should I just leave him to deal with it himself but offer support or should I try and help him work out what to do and how to approach management? I have experience in a similar field to his and know what I would do in this situation but don't know if it's best to let him decide in a course of action.

daisym00n Tue 26-Jan-16 18:33:18

You can offer him advice on what you think he should do, but ultimately the action he takes is up to him. You do mention that he is laid back and lacks urgency - would this have contributed to his demotion at all?

AlwaysHopeful1 Tue 26-Jan-16 19:21:35

He's very laid back and sometimes lacks a sense of urgency which at times drives me crazy!

Given he is a manager, this isn't a very good quality. If he felt he wasn't given enough training then a long time before the meeting was when he should have brought it up.
And you are urging him with examples to send to his manager, this should come from him. Think you need to support him by leaving him to it.

GobiasIndustries Tue 26-Jan-16 21:16:59

Thank you for your replies smile

The laid back thing is more of a problem at home. He is actually more on top of things in work and seems to get things done! I was quite surprised when I went to visit and overheard him whilst I was waiting in reception. Granted that was one time so maybe it has got in the way.

I think hearing that his manager went to their manager after giving him this workload and saying they weren't supported is the biggest problem. He has been getting through this work fine and has been around when needed but up until yesterday there was no indication that he wasn't providing enough support. When they said how much they expected he said he had too much work to do to provide this. Apparently the person in his role before him didn't have as much to do and was able to spend lots of time with his manager.

I think I am just going to let him think about it and be there to offer support if he asks!

RubbleBubble00 Tue 26-Jan-16 21:27:46

bonuses, a bigger pension contribution, extra holidays

Surely this is going to hit his pocket. I think I'd be having a quiet chat with union or similar body. He needs to stand up for himself now. If he was promoted with these duties included in the job and it's not workable and he's told them that then it's up to them to remove duties that are preventing his management role

JustWantToBeDorisAgain Tue 26-Jan-16 21:32:29

I think losing benefits ( effectively a pay cut) without any warning or possibility of enacting a change could be challenged, but I'm no employment lawyer. In my organisation staff, problems have to be identified and staff given time to improve ( with appropriate support if required).

GobiasIndustries Tue 26-Jan-16 21:40:53

It definitely will have an impact on his pocket, Rubble! I don't think he has thought about that properly yet.

He is currently drafting an email to send in the morning. His manager cancelled a meeting with him this morning so he hasn't been able to talk to him about it today.

I think if he asks me to I'll have a look at what he's put but not ask about it.

AnUtterIdiot Tue 26-Jan-16 21:53:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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