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WIBU, me or DH?

(55 Posts)
MargueriteA Tue 26-Jan-16 12:42:25

Think this might be 50/50...

At the weekend I hosted young DC's birthday party at home. DH was at work. I used the camera to take photos, and this morning we discovered we can't find the lense cap. DH is really pissed off. It's an expensive camera. I understand why he's pissed off, it's not that I wanted to lose the cap or anything. I'm almost entirely certain I put it on top of the bookcase where we normally place it when using the camera, but maybe not - or maybe someone picked it up by accident, or maybe the cat's knocked it down. I don't know. I do appreciate that technically, I have lost the lense cap.

However DH, who normally I'd not complain about as we do share childcare, housework, cooking and all that 50/50, completely copped out over DC's birthday. Didn't organise a single thing or help by a single present. (He is a bit like this with his family but I leave him too it).

So I planned, organised, shopped for, prepared and hosted a party for 10 kids in our house. Bought all the presents for DC and the kids. Tidied up afterwards before he got back from work. Took lots of nice photos and sorted and sent them on to our families to see.

While I know losing the lense cap is really annoying, I'm a bit more laidback that after having hosted our first large party in the house, if the only casualty is a lense cap (no broken plates or toilet accidents etc), it's not the end of the world. DH, however, thinks it is symptomatic of me taking less care in things. I can't say it's like I'm breaking things in the house all the time, but he probably does have a point. After a heated discussion this morning, I'm now of the mindset that if he'd helped at all with the party and DC's birthday, I might not have been so busy/stressed and so might not have accidentally misplaced the cap.

Anyone right or wrong?

NNalreadyinuse Tue 26-Jan-16 12:43:28

You are right amd he is being a twat.

Choughed Tue 26-Jan-16 12:44:14

YANBU. OTT reaction from your DH. You can replace it.

<whispers> lens cap. Not lense cap.

RosieMapleLeaf Tue 26-Jan-16 12:47:06

My DH takes less care of things than I do. It isn't that annoying the first time, but by the umpteenth time of him losing or breaking something through carelessness I am apt to lose my temper out of proportion to that single event. If your DH is correct that this is symptomatic of carelessness then I would sympathize with your DH (sorry).

FinnMcCool Tue 26-Jan-16 12:47:16

YANBU. Its just a lens cap, and its been kicked under the bookshelf / bundled into the bin with wrapping paper etc. Not a big deal its replaceable.

Any chance DH was annoyed at missing the party?

MargueriteA Tue 26-Jan-16 12:47:24

Coughed grin

VoldysGoneMouldy Tue 26-Jan-16 12:48:07

Something has to get lost or broken if you're hosting a birthday party at home. Those are the rules. He needs to chill out.

MoreGilmoreGirls Tue 26-Jan-16 12:49:05

HIBU you dud not lose it on purpose, these things happen and he was not there to help so he can't complain.

RonniePickering Tue 26-Jan-16 12:49:08

I'd be pissed off if he hadn't helped with the party, but I'd be equally pissed off with you losing the lens cap.
So yeah, 50/50.

iciclewinter Tue 26-Jan-16 12:50:53

Can you get a replacement lens cap on eBay or from the manufacturer?

DoreenLethal Tue 26-Jan-16 12:52:32

Order another lens cap.

Let him do next year's party if he is so precious about stuff in the house, as you cannot obviously be trusted. You can even let him have a copy of this year's TO DO list can't you?

MargueriteA Tue 26-Jan-16 12:52:46

I do understand that the carelessness annoyed him. It wasn't deliberate carelessness, but I get your point, Rosie. I don't think I'm particular careless or clumsy - like I said, I'm not constantly breaking or losing things - but it's clearly something he thinks about me.

I suppose I'm more of the mindset that Something has to get lost or broken if you're hosting a birthday party at home. It was neither my sanity nor an irreplaceable heirloom, which can only be a bonus, surely?

Don't think he was pissed off at missing it - it really isn't his thing.

KakiFruit Tue 26-Jan-16 12:52:56

There are two issues here - he was unreasonable about the birthday party, and you lost a lens cap. One doesn't cancel the other out and it's stupid to blame the loss on him. I assume he didn't force you to throw the party.


IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster Tue 26-Jan-16 12:53:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SirVixofVixHall Tue 26-Jan-16 12:53:21

Your DH is being arsey over a mislaid LENS CAP? Tell him to get a grip. And then go and sit down with a nice glass of wine and a costume drama box set and ignore him.
-My mum once hosted a children's party, my dad was at work. The children emptied talcum powder into Mum's bed, went through her handbag, broke her watch, spilt ink on the carpet, and left a trail of jelly and blancmange throughout the house. (Ah , the 70s) My mum never hosted one again. She often mentioned the horrror. Get your DH to do it next time.

Obviouspretzel Tue 26-Jan-16 12:57:13

I don't think the lens cap and the fact that he didn't do anything for the party are related though? Surely this is just two separate issues, in which you are both unreasonable in my opinion.

MargueriteA Tue 26-Jan-16 13:00:27

Maybe they're not related. They feel related to me, but I might just be being grumpy about the whole thing.

IAmPissedOffWithAHeadmaster Tue 26-Jan-16 13:09:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RB68 Tue 26-Jan-16 13:11:04

He is being unreasonable (it wasn't deliberate) but you are reacting to his unreasonableness - just say well lets see if it comes to light while we are doing the cleaning this weekend and in the mean time will look to see if I can find a replacement, they must go missing all the time.

BoomBoomsCousin Tue 26-Jan-16 13:13:31

I wouldn't be so annoyed that a lens cap got lost, but the fact you used the camera at the weekend and only this morning found out the lens cap was lost would annoy the heck out of me. It isn't the lens cap that's the precious item, it's the lens, which the lens cap should have been protecting since the time you stopped taking photos. Having said that, why on earth don't you have it attached to the lens? <misses point>

On the other hand, leaving you to do all the work for a kids party is, regardless of your carelessness or not over the lens cap, massively unreasonable.

JapanNextYear Tue 26-Jan-16 13:13:41

Lens caps are easy to replace - they go missing all the time.

But him being a git about it - that's not so easy. My DH does this and its one of his least attractive qualities - stressing about a really little thing when the big thing is that you are feeling underappreciated....

ILoveMyMonkey Tue 26-Jan-16 13:16:13

This could solve your problem and cheer you up. Your dh is overreacting!

Fidelia Tue 26-Jan-16 13:16:16

Sounds like you feel resentful about having to do all the hard work. So you are v annoyed that he is grumpy about the lens cap.

But the lens cap is a separate issue. Sounds like he's grumpy because it will cost to replace it, and in the meantime, the lens won't be protected.

How about you say sorry for the lens cap and arrange a replacement. And how about you explain to him why you've linked the two in your head (because you're grumpy that he didn't pull his weight) and you need him to pull his weight on this stuff too, not because you expect it to be important to him, but because it's important to you.

spiderlight Tue 26-Jan-16 13:19:27

Lens caps can be replaced for a quid or two at most via ebay or Amazon. Most photographers have spares kicking around - I've lost umpteen of them over the years. He's overreacting.

MargueriteA Tue 26-Jan-16 13:19:38

stressing about a really little thing when the big thing is that you are feeling underappreciated...

Yes, that's it, that's exactly it!

Which is probably completely U of me <sigh>

I have texted since I left for work to apologise, and have emailed to say there's a stockist near me I can go to at lunchtime to organise a replacement.

(*Boom*, I do want to ask him why he hasn't bought an attachable one if he's that bothered by it grin)

They're just connected in my mind because I lost the cap during the party. I can see why they don't seem connected. And they probably aren't connected. But now they are to me.

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