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To be so tired and fed up?

(7 Posts)
NotSayingImBatman Tue 26-Jan-16 11:56:34

DH has been on reduced hours since October last year, he was told about the drop in the August, and has lost 40% of his (higher) salary. He initially began job hunting in the August and had a few interviews but no job offers. In November his DM died, so I didn’t mention the job hunting for a while however he returned to work in December.

We have been really struggling for money. His drop in income has left us £900 per month worse off, although the nursery fees have dropped by £400 as he has the DCs on his days off, £500 is still a large drop in income when we were already struggling by. I’ve had several conversations with him about taking up the job hunt again, including letting him know our local police force is recruiting as of this week (he’s often said during the time I’ve known him that he’d love to be a police officer). Nothing. Added to this that he does very little around the house when he’s at home, always blaming the DCs and saying it’s impossible to get anything done with them around. He also frequently complains that they’re hard work – well, they’re 4 and nearly 2 so I’m not sure what he was expecting.

I made a comment during a conversation about the lack of money that I feel as though I’m going to have to start doing overtime at work on weekends (I work Monday – Friday 8.30-5) to try and drive it home to him how difficult our situation is. He has now seized onto this and is constantly pestering me to start working Saturday and Sunday 8-2. My only two days off with my children, whilst he continues to sit on his arse for four days a week.

I’m trying so hard not to lose my temper with him. So very hard. But this isn’t what I signed up for when we married and agreed to have children. AIBU to think he needs to start making a real effort to get a new job? When I wanted to change jobs I was firing off 5-10 applications a day and it took me six weeks to be in a new role, it just feels as though his half hearted effort isn’t getting him anywhere.

Katenka Tue 26-Jan-16 12:00:08

His solution is for you to work 7 days? And him stay on reduced hours?

NotSayingImBatman Tue 26-Jan-16 12:01:37

That seems to be the long and short of it, Katenka. It means I get to see my children for a grand total of 27 hours per week.

ZiggyFartdust Tue 26-Jan-16 12:01:50

So you get to work 7 days a week, do all the wife work as well, while he sits about and does what exactly?
I would think its ultimatum time.

Katenka Tue 26-Jan-16 12:06:00

That's not right.

He is grieving. Understandably, but this is not a solution.

Although, tbh, I don't like when people suggest something they have no intention of doing to try and ouch me into doing something. It's quite manipulative.

You did suggest it, hoping he would realise how serious the situation is. But he has taken you up on what you said.

You need to sit down with all your finances and tell him there isn't enough money coming in. You work full time and are not willing to work 7 days a week and not see the kids. He needs to step up and do his fair share.

NotSayingImBatman Tue 26-Jan-16 12:08:12

I'm not trying to manipulate him, I will genuinely do it if I have to, if it's that or not pay the mortgage.

I'd hoped when he realised we had reached that point that he'd pull his finger out of his backside and get on with finding a new job. Or at the very least, finding out from his boss exactly when this 'temporary' situation is set to be resolved.

biggles50 Tue 26-Jan-16 22:47:52

This sounds v familiar. I went through this many years ago when hubby's answer to his job loss was for me to do more hours. This was in addition to me looking after kids, house work and cooking while he complained about the kids and my attitude. All I can say is when you're both calm sit down and talk. Ask him if he can tackle job hunting as he would a project. Say three cvs sent out on spec each day. Applying to every job that seems appropriate. You have to throw a few balls before you get a coconut. What might be happening, this was the case with my husband, is that he's suffering from mild depression. He's probably had the stuffing knocked out of him and needs to be nudged gently. From my experience I would suggest being understanding and calm even though you're screaming inside.

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