Would you ask to stay with family of four living in a 2 bed flat?

[Maisy313]

We live in London, it's a nice, light flat and is largely fine for 2 adults and 2 kids, but my in laws routinely want to come and stay with us (on the soda bed) for long weekends. What with one bathroom and an 18 month old who still wakes up a lot and with us both working it just makes for a really cramped, stressful experience and often makes me feel a bit depressed about the flat. I like my in laws a lot and don't want them to feel rejected but would rather pay for them to stay in a hotel, just have zero emotional energy left and feel like we all need respite from school, after school clubs work and nursery for that two days a week. Am I being a bit precious?

[magimedi]

Not at all.

I am a MIL & would hate to stay in those circumstances.

[HPsauciness]

Not at all, we always get our IL's to stay in a hotel, it is a lot less stressful. It is always cheap and cheerful though, as we don't have much money!

[TheDowagerCuntess]

No, you're not being precious.

What does your DH/P say about it?

[WickedWax]

I think a few (3/4) times a year is ok, any more than that and I'd be sending them details of local hotels.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

HP - do your ILs seriously let you pay for their hotel?

[Maisy313]

Sofa bed rather than soda bed! I think we really struggle to give them the nice, guest experience which is why I'm left feeling like a bit of a failure / depressed - the flat quickly feels up with other peoples luggage and is then impossible to leave it looking nice. It's a pretty georgian flat with very high ceilings, we stupidly went for romance over practicality when buying!

[Maisy313]

He feels it's a bit of a pain but doesn't want to say no to them really. I know it's one weekend but just slightly at the end of my tether at the moment with work and a lack of sleep so not sure if I'm feeling disproportionately stressed about it.

[TendonQueen]

No, you're not being precious. Get them to book the nearest Travelodge. Do they have more room, could you go and stay with them instead?

[EthelMercaptan]

Have I misunderstood, or do you mean that they are coming EVERY WEEKEND?

[Maisy313]

It's probably about every couple of months that they ask...

[Maisy313]

Christ no, if it was every weekend id have moved out to the travellodge and left dh to it!

[BombadierFritz]

How about booking a room for you two, parents act as babysitters and get time with grandkids, you get a lie in? We used to do that when kids were younger

[Maisy313]

Bombardier that sounds like an amazing idea and they are great grandparents, I did jokingly suggest this to dh, but not sure he got the hint!

[FruStefanOla]

No you're not being precious. If we were your ILs we'd stay in a hotel to (a) minimise the inconvenience to you and (b) have home comforts like a proper bed and own bathroom!

[Babymamamama]

Could you get an air b n b in the same block for them? Seems quite a common strategy these days. And they'd be more comfortable.

[EthelMercaptan]

Well thank heavens for that at least!!

Tbh I can see how it would get on your tits.

[diddl]

Well on the face of it it doesn't seem awful imo.

They perhaps see themselves as family who are no trouble & muck in & are helpful.

[lilydaisyrose]

We had this exact situation, except without the pretty Georgian flat, more a 2 bedroomed maisonette (5 rooms). My inlaws visited probably once every couple of months for many years and slept on a blow up bed in our living room. It was awful, although I love them, they were sleeping in the living room - 6 people needed the bathroom in the morning etc etc. Unfortunately we've not yet been able to move, but my inlaws (I think) have decided they are too old to sleep on an airbed on a wooden floor so now come down for the day or stay in a local hotel - we're all much happier.

I have no advice, but I really sympathise!

[Maisy313]

To be honest I do struggle to see why they want to stay with us, they are not tight on money. I think it is just they don't like paying for hotels when they have an option not too and extra time with grandchildren. Although I would happily let them stay for extra grandparent time while I vacated the premises for a rest . It's awkward as I think they might feel hurt. They actually stayed with us when we lives abroad for 3 weeks which was great because they had their own room and bathroom and I could make it nice for then which I enjoy, but staying here just feels like I'm setting myself up for failure.

[Headfulahorlix]

I have same situation as you but love people, Inc in laws and family staying.

We all cram in together and I see it as fun.

[BankWadger]

My family always stay at a cheap and cheerful and they all have to come from over seas to see me! We're also a family of four in a 2 bed flat. We all get some space to ourselves and guests aren't woken up by the kids at the crack of dawn this way.

One person for a night or two can go on a couch/airbed fine though.

[BertrandRussell]

So 6 weekends a year...............

[Maisy313]

I know it's not terrible, we've done it before, I think I'm just living for the weekends at the moment as have a chronic lack of sleep. Are baby is basically a shark and has about 10 teeth with about 4 more coming through, he's been teething for about a year! Work is also very full on and flat is being renovated by DIY dh. I think it's the stress of ds crying in nights and everyone hearing / being kept awake, plus trying to stop the place looking completely over cramped and awful to in laws, maybe I care too much how things look to them and should just relax...

[expatinscotland]

Too crowded for me. I'd be looking for a Premier Inn or AirB&B.

[Branleuse]

is there any sensitive way you could bring it up with them?