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'You're every mans fantasy' WTAF?

(28 Posts)
scratchmyarse Tue 26-Jan-16 07:23:48

Tell me I am not BU? That a lawyer I'm consulting on delicate divorce business shouldn't talk like this, but should keep a professional manner? - I told him I'm newly out of a horrendous abusive & controlling marriage, where (with low self esteem) I just accepted everything my exdh said as gospel & deferred to him in everything (he controlled all the £, what roads I drove down, what I wore, ate etc etc - yes I was a muppet, but that's all changed now I've woken up & divorced). The lawyer looks straight at me and says 'Wow, do you realise you're every mans fantasy - a woman who does what she's told' !!!!! WTF? I'm shock In my shock I replied 'Not any more I'm not.' Tell me you're shocked too?

TweenageAngst Tue 26-Jan-16 07:25:55

That is awful. I would report it to his professional body and get a new lawyer.

Vedamakesthebesttoast Tue 26-Jan-16 07:26:24


LTL (leave the lawyer..)

What an utter twunt. I was half way through your post and erring on the maybe he was trying to be supportive in a totally misguided way, but then read the rest of your post.


ItchyArmpits Tue 26-Jan-16 07:27:39


Another vote for LTL.

NameAgeLocation Tue 26-Jan-16 07:29:08

Yep I'm shocked.

It's not even true, anyway.

hesterton Tue 26-Jan-16 07:29:29

I wouldn't want him representing me as it sounds like he takes a male viewpoint as default. That may be unfair but it's the impression it would leave.

scarednoob Tue 26-Jan-16 07:30:19

I suspect he was trying to be funny, rather than creepy. But it was totally inappropriate and doesn't bode well for you working together going forward. Is he a partner? If not, report it to his supervising partner and ask for a change of solicitor.

If he is a partner (and it sounds like the kind of terrible "joke" that a certain type of middle aged partner might make), you will need to think about whether you want to change firms or just partner (assuming the team has more than one partner).

You can still report him - look at your client engagement letter for details of the complaints procedure.

dudsville Tue 26-Jan-16 07:30:40

Yup LTL. That's really bad. Be sure to tell him and someone higher up the reason you're dumping him.

MuttonDressedAsMutton Tue 26-Jan-16 07:30:54

Outrageous. You could report him but you'll have a bit of a job proving it - he's hardly going to admit to it is he. Just LTL. There's plenty of them out there. Leave, tell him why, never go back. Good luck with your divorce.

scribblegirl Tue 26-Jan-16 07:32:00

I work in a law firm and there are a few dinosaurs about but they'd never dream of speaking like that to a client!

They have to provide you with a copy of their complaints policy when you engage them on a matter (law society requirement) - should be with your engagement letter. Dig it out and follow it to the letter! Totally unacceptable.

theycallmemellojello Tue 26-Jan-16 07:32:18

That's terrible - please complain to the Solicitors Regulatory Authority. He should not be allowed to get away with that comment.

Waltermittythesequel Tue 26-Jan-16 07:33:04

Get rid of him.


MLGs Tue 26-Jan-16 07:33:32

LTL here!

meiisme Tue 26-Jan-16 07:34:19

That is awful! And will make it impossible to have a good working relationship during mediation/court when you will probably feel very vulnerable at times and your lawyer needs to have your back to make sure you come out of it with what you want. Women's Aid can often recommend lawyers who are specialised in handling cases where there is abuse/control. If you get one of those good ones, the legal process can actually be a very empowering experience. If you're in Greater Manchester I can recommend one.

nilbyname Tue 26-Jan-16 07:36:47

Complain complain complain.

Then get a new solicitor. I wonder if a local woman's aid would be able to recommend you someone?

Valmur Tue 26-Jan-16 07:38:15

It was probably a very misguided attempt at humour.

It was nevertheless utterly unprofessional and unacceptable.

His firm should have an internal complaint procedure; I would use it.

fidel1ne Tue 26-Jan-16 07:43:49

Even if he was going for supportive humour;


fidel1ne Tue 26-Jan-16 07:44:22

(You need representation with better tact and communication skills than that.)

Catsize Tue 26-Jan-16 07:51:22

Lawyer here. That was incredibly inappropriate. Complain. Bar Standards Board if a barrister. SRA if a solicitor, as others have said. Poor you OP. And well done for having the strength to leave.

Obviouspretzel Tue 26-Jan-16 07:54:57

Extremely unprofessional and insensitive, and I certainly wouldn't want him to handle my case, joking or not.

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime Tue 26-Jan-16 08:01:30

Wow shock

Sighing Tue 26-Jan-16 08:06:02

OMG. He just blamed you for being abused and made that ideal. What an utter shit. Sack the twunt.

Absentmindedwoman Tue 26-Jan-16 08:07:24


Please find a different lawyer.

So sorry you had this experience.

Jux Tue 26-Jan-16 08:23:19


That is just awful.

AlwaysDancing1234 Tue 26-Jan-16 08:31:26

Disgraceful comment. Maybe a poor attempt at a compliment or humour but that doesn't make it ok. Raise it in writing with the solicitor and his boss.

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