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Why am I so crap at telling people what I think

(4 Posts)
Cutecat78 Mon 25-Jan-16 23:00:02

Yesterday I told someone, who is part of my life (it's not relevant who) what I thought. I was polite, firm, honest but not rude or hurtful.

They reacted badly and said some horrible and hurtful things. and all day today I have felt terrible.

I feel I was right in what I said and several
people who I trust agree with me.

WTF is this about? I never stand up to my borderline toxic family because when I do I am told I am being told I am "over sensitive" and they disregard me.

I can do it at work because I feel able to detach but in my personal life I say what I really think then feel terrible and apologise because I have this need to make things right and not cause massive upset.

ARGH!! Does anyone else do this?!

hiddenhome2 Mon 25-Jan-16 23:50:41

It's their choice to react the way they do.

WhereYouLeftIt Tue 26-Jan-16 00:21:43

"I never stand up to my borderline toxic family because when I do I am told I am being told I am "over sensitive" and they disregard me."
And they behaved that way to you since the day you were born, and so they have trained you to never stand up to them. You have been conditioned to not stand up to them, and it is very very difficult to break that conditioning.

"They reacted badly and said some horrible and hurtful things. and all day today I have felt terrible. "
They reacted badly because presumably they are used to you behaving as trained. They meant you to feel terrible, to discourage you from doing it again. They want you back in your box.

I would start distancing myself, emotionally as well as physically, from people who treat you like this. The relationship is not healthy for you.

Cutecat78 Tue 26-Jan-16 00:31:14

Thank you.

That's insightful and helpful.

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