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Why are posters so quick to assume that behaviour is unreasonable based on such limited evidence?

(21 Posts)
WombatChocolate Mon 25-Jan-16 18:59:22

I frequently read threads on here,where an OP asks if they are unreasonable to be annoyed about something that has been reported to them by another person, usually their child. They often describe extreme behaviour by someone towards their child (perhaps a parent or teacher or a friend) and ask if they are right to be angry and perhaps about how they should respond.

And then what follows is lots of people feeling furious on behalf of the OP, stating they would be livid, furious, outraged etc and suggesting all kinds of action from calling the police, marching into see them hollering, getting that person sacked, hitting them and various other possibilities.

I just wonder 2 things;

-why are people so quick to believe as gospel and complete truth stories of such extreme behaviour - if these experiences by nature are extreme, surely they are unlikely.
- why are people so quick and certain in their judgements and also advice about what MUST now happen, when they have so little information?

I just wonder if people have no real sense of events rarely being as simple as they seem, or of the fact that whilst people don't lie, they sometimes omit details for their own convenience (and I mean the people who have described events to the OP, not the OP. Themselves who is often reporting secondhand)
Are the people who reply so certainly and in such an outraged way frequently experiencing outrageous behaviour which influences their response? Are they people who are often outraged by their encounters with others in life, and are they people who also are prone to wade in in real life too?

I'm genuinely interested....because it often takes several pages on these threads before someone says 'why don't you find out a bit more information first' which seems so obvious.

Bailey101 Mon 25-Jan-16 19:01:11

Because it's the Internet and only one side of the story is out across - people react on the information they have.

Queenbean Mon 25-Jan-16 19:02:49

Totally agree, I have seen this so many times (and was on the thread that I suspect prompted this post).

It is bewildering that people make up information based on absolutely nothing. They seem to mostly assume that the OP is a liar and nothing they can say will change their mind. So weird.

Also, people who give a situation, come back to update that it is resolved, and then people still pile in and say that they did it wrong / didn't they think it would have worked out better if xyz, the OP returns and says no all fine and people still tell them it's wrong. Get a life!

HoneyDragon Mon 25-Jan-16 19:03:44



Muskateersmummy Mon 25-Jan-16 19:05:01

Having been lurking about on threads over the past few weeks, I have been thinking this exact same thing.

People seem to forget there are 3 sides to every story. 1 persons, the other persons and the truth, usually somewhere in the middle.

Pain1 Mon 25-Jan-16 19:05:29

I agree with you

ComposHatComesBack Mon 25-Jan-16 19:17:19

Or that other Mumsnet classic. Find the most far-fetched explanation for the supershitty behaviour and then run with that theme.

Eg. OpA woman just spat in my face, called me a cunt and then head-butted me. It was all totally unprovoked and I've never seen this woman before.

poster one: YABU perhaps she was just back from her mother's funeral. You shouldn't judge her 'based on a snapshot of her life'

poster two: I can't believe you are so unfeeling and judgemental op. Be thankful your mother is alive.

poster three: Maybe you should train as a volunteer bereavement councellor op then you will have some idea what this woman was going through.

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Mon 25-Jan-16 19:21:47


I read all of those OPs (there are at least 2 wtf ones on the go today) and think, "yeah right, sure that's how it went" in your own head now you're rewriting history you LIAR"

ThenLaterWhenItGotDark Mon 25-Jan-16 19:23:41

I think a good way of spotting the Creative Writer is how they always come back to their thread just as interest is waning....wink

mygrandchildrenrock Mon 25-Jan-16 19:30:06

Compos that was a brilliant post, thank you!

Witchend Mon 25-Jan-16 19:36:53

You do also get the opposite... Where an op gives details of something they think is unfair and get people saying now lovely they sound, and I think. Hmm I'd like to hear the other side here.

ComposHatComesBack Mon 25-Jan-16 19:44:54

mygrand cheers. It annoys me as those who post with convuluted and far fetched scenarios that would excuse the behaviour are completely self serving. It allows them to stick the boot in on theop and look all aware and empathetic at the same time.

MistressMerryWeather Mon 25-Jan-16 19:49:38

Compos that has me properly laughing. grin

As opposed to laughing improperly

Vair funny.

caitlinohara Mon 25-Jan-16 21:07:07

Dunno either. If I had followed advice on here, I would have LTB several times, and have ditched all my friends as piss-taking freeloaders one by one. It is POSSIBLE to give people the benefit of the doubt occasionally...

ComposHatComesBack Mon 25-Jan-16 21:16:25

And then hector the op when she doesn't immediately follow their advice to ltb, go NC with parents and in laws or end friendship over a minor issue there will be follow up posts along the lines of

'Why haven't you ltb yet?'
'Some people don't want to be helped'
'Stop being such a victim, go NC NOW!'

Arfarfanarf Mon 25-Jan-16 21:24:37

Whats the alternative? Shit all over someone who's asking for support by acting like you dont believe them?

Of course many an op is going to be biased in their favour. You'd have to be a fool to think otherwise. But also there are those who downplay and minimise and see it through a strangers eyes and then realise how it looks.
There are those who want sympathy. Validation. Those who want to read anger directed towards someone they feel has wronged them in some way.
I like to think or rather I hope that we are intelligent enough to understand that.

But also nobody is forced to do what strangers on the net tell them to and advice is simply that. Advice. Not an order. Not a royal command. It doesnt have the power some seem to think it has.

abbieanders Mon 25-Jan-16 21:41:33

Whats the alternative? Shit all over someone who's asking for support by acting like you dont believe them?

Suggest they take a breath and find out all the details before getting unduly worked up?

Arfarfanarf Mon 25-Jan-16 21:51:34

People do ask questions though. Loads of them.
Most of them totally irrelevent grin

Some people treat other peoples shit like an episode of eastenders or an excuse to get their froth on, its true. But most people are more balanced imo.

LovelyFriend Mon 25-Jan-16 21:57:37

Otherwise no one would say anything on MN would they?

Oftentimes people do ask questions for more details though. If this happens BEFORE 30 posters pile in to agree unquestionably with the OP, the thread very often goes a different way.

Generally if I see an "AIBU to be apoplectic with rage" question I just ignore it for the very reasons you outline OP (if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck etc)

WombatChocolate Mon 25-Jan-16 22:18:19

Thanks for all your replies. I am glad it is not just me who finds it baffling.

I just wonder if the kind of people who reply to an 'AIBU to be apoplectic with rage' (which sums up the threads I'm talking about very well LovelyFriend) is the kind of person who in real life also gets angry very easily and reacts by storming in over whatever the issue is.

It just seems to me that many of the reactions are not those I see around me - where people are more measure in their responses and look to understand the full story (usually!) - perhaps reactions are more strong on the internet or people are less measured in their responses because there will be no come back on themselves, but I just wonder if in real life, these posters are constantly telling their friends to LTB or to go to the school to try to get a teacher sacked, or to dump all of their friends.

It's the lack of even a willingness to consider there might be another side that surprises me, along with the desire for harsh recrimination.

LovelyFriend Mon 25-Jan-16 22:42:18

I think many new to MN hang out in AIBU at first - it's quite enticing and outrageous. "She did what?!" etc

Then they discover all the other topics and move on.

I really only go to AIBU via Active threads these days and most times its just to tut and roll my eyes and move on. It quickly becomes the least interesting place on MN (OK after Baby names) grin

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