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To feel they should invite me?

(33 Posts)
Dreamonastar Mon 25-Jan-16 18:15:29

I started a new job recently and there's a lunchtime tradition on a Monday where people go to a local cafe for lunch.

I haven't been invited - AIBU to think it's a bit mean to overlook me?

SianiMoomin Mon 25-Jan-16 18:16:25

I would just ask, to be honest. Perhaps they expect you to join in?

Whatdoidohelp Mon 25-Jan-16 18:16:38

Is it is the whole office/whole department? If so Yanbu. If however it is wee groups yabu. Lunch breaks aren't paid time so you can go and do what you want with who you wish.

Dreamonastar Mon 25-Jan-16 18:17:45

Oh I know you can but I do feel a bit overlooked and out of things but I get that they don't have to like me!

Witchend Mon 25-Jan-16 18:20:11

If it's the whole office they probably just expect you to join them. In fact they're probably thinking you're being stuffy not to.smile

Dreamonastar Mon 25-Jan-16 18:26:04

I don't think they do as it involves driving to the cafe so I would feel rude just getting in someone's car

NoodleNuts Mon 25-Jan-16 18:46:09

How recently did you start? You still havent said whether the whole office/department go or just small groups.

Dreamonastar Mon 25-Jan-16 19:05:40

It's not in an office, it's the whole department.

maggiethemagpie Mon 25-Jan-16 21:30:31

Could you say to the person who sits nearest to you

Hey are you going to X cafe for lunch?

When they say yes, say

what's it like there, do they do good food?

Basically drop massive overt hints, unless there is reason they DONT want you there, they are bound to invite you

If they don't invite you even after dropping hints then for whatever reason, they don't want to, maybe you need more time to break into the group?

ZiggyFartdust Mon 25-Jan-16 21:33:50

How big a department is it? Are they friends? You may have misunderstood the nature of this lunch.

Epilepsyhelp Mon 25-Jan-16 21:34:01

I'd just give it time. If you get friendly with them you'll get an invite in time. Yes it's a bit mean not to take you though, you sure you want to go?!

NoMoreGrimble Mon 25-Jan-16 21:37:42

Like maggie's approach, would second that. It's probably just a thoughtless oversight.

GreenLips Mon 25-Jan-16 21:41:34

If it's not a genuine oversight then I'd say it was very mean not to invite you, surely the done thing would be to say to you "we go to cafe on Monday lunchtime, feel free to join us".

Boxymcloxy1900 Mon 25-Jan-16 22:06:50

Maybe everyone else thinks someone else has invited you?

Dreamonastar Tue 26-Jan-16 06:37:03

They sort of tend to vanish before I can say anything, and then I'm left sitting alone at lunch!

Never mind smile

TheHouseOnTheLane Tue 26-Jan-16 07:02:46

How many people are we talking about here OP?

hesterton Tue 26-Jan-16 07:05:29

Is there enough room for one more in the car/s?

Maybe your predecessor never went so they're assuming you wouldn't. Does someone have to stay to answer phones?

Feels a bit mean I have to agree.

Devilishpyjamas Tue 26-Jan-16 07:06:58

That is mean! Of course you should be invited. Doesn't sound as if you've been there long enough to be actively avoided OP.

GruntledOne Tue 26-Jan-16 07:16:49

Ask someone whether you're expected to go, given that it seems to be a departmental thing.

Dreamonastar Tue 26-Jan-16 07:28:22

It's about six people? No, we don't have to stay to answer phones as we aren't an office smile

It just makes me feel a bit rubbish but no matter, worse things happen at sea.

hesterton Tue 26-Jan-16 07:31:57

It's certainly thoughtless but unlikely to be personal.

I think you are best to stay cheerful but not invest too much emotionally on these people. I suspect things will change as they get to know you anyway. You sound very rational and sensible. flowers

Dreamonastar Tue 26-Jan-16 07:34:33

Thank you smile Yeah, logically now I feel fine about it and think they just need to get to know my loveliness (!) but when I'm sitting in the office alone I feel all boo-hoo about it [grin

DetonationStation Tue 26-Jan-16 07:41:02

I think so. Having experienced that workplace exclusion albeit 15 years ago, its stuck with me. Horrible feeling

They just may not have realised/head in the sand/ignorant/not sure how to make people feel welcome and if so, is that the type of work colleague you want to spend unpaid time with?

DetonationStation Tue 26-Jan-16 07:41:55

First part - ignore the "I think so" as I meant to say YANBU

MackerelOfFact Tue 26-Jan-16 07:48:44

I bet they use the lunch as a massive moan-fest about management, workload, Sonia in accounts, people leaving mouldy cheese in the fridge or pubes on the toilet seat, Nigel in IT - all the usual workplace gripes - and they don't want to indoctrinate you into their jaded ways just yet.

At least this is why I have been guilty of excluding new colleagues before. Giving them a chance to form their own opinion before they spend their lunchtime listening to us slag everything off!

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