Do babies bring out the worst in some people?(10 Posts)
I mean in terms of people judging, giving daft, unwanted advice and opinions.
This is my second and it seemed to wear off when my eldest was about four.
People seem to be completely obsessed with weaning earlier than the guidelines. I weaned both mine about a week shy of 6 months. Both were perfectly happy with their milk and growing well yet grandparents were just constantly asking when we were going to give the baby some proper food, how it would help them sleep, they needed it. Then I'd have in laws asking really strange questions like if I had to get him signed off by the midwife to get permission for him to eat. This was despite me not having seen a midwife since day 10 or a health visitor for months either.
Oh and he still doesn't sleep well even established on solids. Each to their own and if I'd felt they'd needed solids earlier I would have.
Every time I gently explained a couple of the reasons why the weaning guidelines changed, and the signs of readiness, they'd get all defensive or zone out.
Ds2 has reflux which is improving with age and he'd be quite sicky and really uncomfortable. In laws didn't believe it and couldn't see how anyone could possibly tell. Even though the GP had diagnosed. Oh and apparently the reflux is because I'm giving him too much milk (I'm not).
Apparently I shouldn't bother sterilising bottles, at all, because they need some germs.
When ds was having normal soft yellow stools my sister decided he had diarrhoea.
Toilet training is another one that everyone had an opinion on with my eldest.
I shouldn't use grobags as his arms will get cold.
I should put rusks and baby rice in his bottle.
I try to just ignore it but it gets really annoying.
Hell yes! Parenting is the most competitive judgey thing I have ever known! Drives me nuts
I think most people who offer advice mean well and are trying to help, but I never ceased to be amazed by how judgemental people can be when it comes to parenting choices.
"Thanks for the advice, I'll bear it in mind"
And repeat every single time, without ever getting drawn into any kind of discussion about it. No need to explain your choices, or let anyone think it's a subject that's even up for discussion.
I agree so much unwanted advice and often from strangers.
Most of mine were things like 'babies need dummies, if you don't she'll such her thumb and you can't stop'-she didn't. 'You don't need to feed as often'; 'how can you tell she's having enough'. A neighbour advised cereal in a bottle at 2 weeks old to help her sleep.
Another mum at a group I went to was a know all and thought I was daft waiting until 6 months to wean and offered me a jar one day..... I nearly lost it that day.
Anyway, ignore and do what you know is best for your baby.
Yes I do try to just smile and nod.
It does grate though.
I honestly wouldn't interfere in someone's parenting unless they actually asked for advice or it was something dangerous.
Yes, they do!
I'm still at some of the ridiculous and downright rude comments (and DD is 5 now) - merely for following current guidelines (weaning at 6 months is indeed a crazy notion to many) and/or making different choices to their own...
The worst thing to do is to try to justify why you are doing x, y or z. Best advice I ever got was "nod your head in agreement then do your own thing". Has saved a lot of unsolicited advice.
I remember my DM was absolutely obsessed with my PBF getting "cooled boiled water" (it was never called just water) It was the answer to everything apparently, and the main reason that babies didn't sleep/thrive/stay well was because they weren't getting enough of it. She also had this obsession with boiling an onion and giving the water to PBF.
I will add though that the "guidelines" police are equally as annoying.
YANBU, my mother does this about other parents, I don't know what this thing is with milk chocolate being fine for a tiny baby "because it's milk isn't it"? No! No it is not.
I've told 2 people that DH and I are TTC, one sent me a article on how fertility doesn't decline til 35, so don't worry about putting it off (I'm 30) and one told me I need to put TTC " out of your mind because you're clearly getting anxious and that will interfere with getting pregnant". These people would generally not say things so directly to me, it's not a big deal at all its just slightly odd behaviour from them and the bloody child doesn't even exist yet!
What makes me laugh is when people who haven't even had kids try to give advice. Not directed at me thankfully but one of my friends with her first had lots and lots of
stupid advice off her SIL on what she should be doing with the baby. SIL had no children of her own or any professional training and used to get really narked off with my friend when she didn't follow the unsolicited advice she was being given.
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