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to send SIL a legal 'cease and desist' letter? (screenshots)

(195 Posts)
SILismad Mon 25-Jan-16 14:25:46

Ever since I met DH, he has told me she is 'mad' and 'crazy' and I've heard his other siblings say the same but I didn't really understand what he meant until the last 12 months. She seemed a bit eccentric but I liked her and encouraged him to keep contact when he wasn't really in the mood to answer texts etc.

The problem is it seems to be cyclical (mood swings bordering on mania) and DH deals with it by going to ground and not responsing to contact. (He deals with all the family in the same way, in fact; They are a big family with several 'big' characters.) DH has had some work issues in the last two years and a lot of stress and he has become even less inclined to engage with her (just a dminished pot of mental energy, I think). The more he's withdrawn, the more she has pushed, suggesting about a dozen joint holidays in the last year, periodically texting incessantly, that kind of thing.

Which sets the scene for "THE PROBLEM"

Having had minimal (text only) response from him for a few months, it seems she took it into her head that he was dead and someone was impersonating him by text. Cue a flurry of weird texts and weepy voicemails asking if he was alive and who was texting her.

He got irritated with this and - after one phone call to show he was in fact alive - went back to text only mode and refused to budge from it.

All this has culminated this week in a further collection of texts and emails outlining an entire paranoid interpretation of the situation in which I am "abusing" him and preventing him from having contact with his family, am reading his texts etc.

This was all delivered on a very confident, said-as-fact, intervention type tone.

I think I've reached my breaking point with her.

DH has told her by text that he is now severing contact and has again refused to 'phone to confirm his continued survival and is FUMING (angrier than I've ever seen him), but she has sent further texts of the 'I'm here whan you need me' kind.

We're both exhausted and can't decide whether to follow up with a legal letter.


SILismad Mon 25-Jan-16 14:26:10

Phew that was long! Sorry! smile

Genx77 Mon 25-Jan-16 14:29:03

I think she needs help, I wouldn't be getting so angry with her when she is obviously very mentally ill. Can you not put your energies into helping her rather than getting so pissed off?

LagunaBubbles Mon 25-Jan-16 14:30:02

I take it your SIL has Bipolar?

DawnOfTheDoggers Mon 25-Jan-16 14:31:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaucyJack Mon 25-Jan-16 14:31:27

Has she done anything to harm you- either deliberately or otherwise?

Sparkletastic Mon 25-Jan-16 14:31:37

Can family gather together and try to support SIL in seeing her GP? Sounds like she desperately needs a mental health referral.

LagunaBubbles Mon 25-Jan-16 14:32:05

Is she having a relapse? I understand having a relative with a mental health problem can be stressful and difficult but I think your SIL needs help.

This was all delivered on a very confident, said-as-fact, intervention type tone Of course it was, if she is delusional then she will truly believe what she is saying.

SILismad Mon 25-Jan-16 14:32:31

Oh that's come across badly then. I'm slightly annoyed but mainly I'm completely worn out and worried about the effect on DH.

As for helping her; She lives quite some distance away and apparently all previous attempts to get her psych help have provoked horrible scenes. DH certainly isn't up for intervening with her either.

He is already on anxiety medication after the business issues last year.

ghostyslovesheep Mon 25-Jan-16 14:32:43

you could

or your DH could phone her - and maybe do so once a week - then she would be happier

she sounds like she has some mental health issues - maybe she needs a bit of support from her family - 'exhausting' though it may be for you

(I say that as the only sibling of a lovely Bi polar sister)

DawnOfTheDoggers Mon 25-Jan-16 14:32:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SILismad Mon 25-Jan-16 14:33:11

I take it your SIL has Bipolar?

Nobody knows.

LagunaBubbles Mon 25-Jan-16 14:33:14

The only way to win this game is not to play

Having a mental illness (if this is what is wrong with this woman) is not a "game".

SoHereItIs2016 Mon 25-Jan-16 14:33:51

Your SIL is suffering from a. Mental health problem of some sort (I could hazard a good guess at what that might be but that would probably not be helpful).

Her behaviour is being driven by this illness and as such she is not deliberately trying to anger or frustrate others. It must be very very distressing for her to believe her Brother is either dead or being impersonated by others.

Is there anyone at all who could support her in seeking medical help? That would be the kindest and most appropriate course of action.

Or you could call 'mind' the charity for a chat about how best to help/ ensure she is referred by MH services.

LagunaBubbles Mon 25-Jan-16 14:34:01

What do you mean no-one knows? Has her behaviour never raised concerns before for example?

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime Mon 25-Jan-16 14:34:04

she sounds like she has some mental health issues - maybe she needs a bit of support from her family - 'exhausting' though it may be for you

I agree.

ghostyslovesheep Mon 25-Jan-16 14:34:23

I really dislike your user name - sorry sad

theycallmemellojello Mon 25-Jan-16 14:34:27

No, that would not be a sensible or kind thing to do. I can understand that this is very upsetting, but she is clearly very ill. What normally happens when she acts like this? Has she received treatment? I think you need to contact her parents/partner/closer family members to appraise them of the situation so they can support her and hopefully get her into treatment. I'm not sure severing contact for an illness is a nice thing to do, but I do get that your DH has maybe been through a lot with her so def not judging.

SaucyJack Mon 25-Jan-16 14:34:40

That disablist Dawn.

A personality disorder is a legitimate MH problem in exactly the same way as bipolar.

SoHereItIs2016 Mon 25-Jan-16 14:36:13

Anyone can request a formal Mental health act assessment, this places statutory responsibilities on services to either undertake the assessment ( two doctors and a specially trained Social worker) or to make a balanced judgement as to why they will not.

CalmYoBadSelf Mon 25-Jan-16 14:36:13

I have to agree with others that any action will just inflame things. I have a relative with similar issues and have tried all sorts over the years but silence seems t be the only thing that has worked and she has cooled off since I stopped even acknowledging any messages

Good luck

DawnOfTheDoggers Mon 25-Jan-16 14:36:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SILismad Mon 25-Jan-16 14:36:26

Has she done anything to harm you- either deliberately or otherwise?

No, just some prior sly digs.

The stand out thing previously was nastiness (dressed up as concern) directed towards my DS from a previous marriage, who has some SN, but she wasn't the only sibling involved in that.

So far feigning imperviousness and moving on worked.

Nottodaythankyouorever Mon 25-Jan-16 14:36:34

Ever since I met DH, he has told me she is 'mad' and 'crazy'

Not a particularly nice way to describe someone who has MH problems imo.

Noeuf Mon 25-Jan-16 14:37:40

Honestly? I feel sorry for your sil. Her family have written her off as mad and crazy. Your dh ignoring her is exactly what sets her off worrying and he could easily fix it by ringing once a week.

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