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AIBU to ask DP to stop contact.

(19 Posts)
NoBBC Sun 24-Jan-16 20:55:47

Recently discovered DP texting a good friend about having feelings for someone else.

DP and I have discussed and after this I believed it didn't really mean anything.

Despite this, AIBU to not want DP to be in contact with this someone else? Even if it makes things awkward for DP.

helloella Sun 24-Jan-16 20:57:22


hownottofuckup Sun 24-Jan-16 20:58:38

The person he has feelings for?
If I had feelings for someone else but wished to remain with my DP, I would want to limit my contact with that someone else as far as possible.

NoBBC Sun 24-Jan-16 21:10:35

Even if you believed those feelings weren't real?

NoBBC Sun 24-Jan-16 21:11:25

Well 90% sure at least!

AyeAmarok Sun 24-Jan-16 21:30:33

Why do you think that he was lying about telling his friend he has feelings for someone else?

That sounds a bit like wishful thinking and that you're setting yourself up to be a doormat sad

Sparkletastic Sun 24-Jan-16 21:31:45

How could it not mean anything?

CakeRavager Sun 24-Jan-16 22:01:13

I had a male friend who, as it turned out, my DH felt uneasy about. I'd never said I had feelings for this friend, or done anything untoward but his existence was making my DH unhappy.

Now, I love my DH and wouldn't want him to be unhappy, nor to do anything to hurt him so after a brief conversation to establish that, yes, he was serious, and yes, he really was unhappy, I cut all contact with this friend. If it was a choice between continuing that friendship or my dh's happiness, dh would win every time, hands down.

And I'm pretty sure that is the way it should be. So no, YANBU.

hownottofuckup Sun 24-Jan-16 22:01:57

I've never had feelings for someone whilst believing I didn't.
I have fancied someone, but already been in a relationship so haven't wanted to indulge in it any further.
I don't think I quite understand what you mean about having feelings but not believing them to be real?

VimFuego101 Sun 24-Jan-16 22:03:02

Why do you believe the feelings 'aren't real'? Is he trying to downplay things now that he's been caught out?

MissBattleaxe Sun 24-Jan-16 22:03:59

YANBU. It's a fair enough request.

NoBBC Sun 24-Jan-16 22:54:30

Difficult to go into specifics as I'm sure DP goes on MN.
But yes DP did play it down, and convinced me it was bravado / saying what the friend wanted to hear. I obviously have doubts because regardless of the reasons it was a pretty big deal.

hownottofuckup Sun 24-Jan-16 23:01:31

So he doesn't have feelings for someone else he just pretended he did to big himself up to his mates whilst in a committed relationship?
No! That's a terrible excuse!

AyeAmarok Sun 24-Jan-16 23:07:55

Does his friend know the girl he claimed to have feelings for?

Oldraver Sun 24-Jan-16 23:15:56

He's been caught out..I really dont think he would admit to you it was true that he had feelings for another

NoBBC Sun 24-Jan-16 23:21:22

The nagging doubts come from the fact that of course DP would deny it. I believed DP at the time we talked. As time has gone by I'm a little less sure. Slightly horrified today to see a message to other person about catching up. Regardless of the truth it just seems like a silly thing to do in light of the history. I would be steering well clear.
And yes friend does know the other person.

Arfarfanarf Sun 24-Jan-16 23:27:12

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Arfarfanarf Sun 24-Jan-16 23:28:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AyeAmarok Sun 24-Jan-16 23:37:37

Your DP is being inappropriate and disrespectful to you and your relationship.

Can you walk away before he makes more of a fool of you? Or do you feel you have to stay with him and "try"?

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