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AIBU about his co worker?

(21 Posts)
Confusedmomma Sun 24-Jan-16 19:35:27

Been with my partner 5 years. Got one child. For the past 6 months I've been having a feeling about one of his co workers. Whenever he was on shift with her he'd come back so excited constantly talking about Her. He knows a lot of information on her private saying they just work together ( how many sexual partners , relationship troubles at home)
She's told him , her partner doesn't like him because he's her type. He constantly covers her shifts , and covers her so she can go early and he gets home late. They have inside jokes over texts etc. he's said her name multiple times in his sleep. I've broached this problem before and he said I'm being insecure. He also said he wouldn't accept people from work on his facebook. What did I find out three nights ago he's got her on facebook !!! Confronted him he got defensive about her like usual and said what am I meant to do? Ignore her?! He thinks I'm being pathetic and insecure and have no reason to have a problem. AIBU??

kimlo Sun 24-Jan-16 19:39:28

From the sounds of ut no you are not.

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-Jan-16 19:41:43

Do you know for sure that he's at work when he says?

If there isn't something already happening, there soon will be.

Howdoesironmanwee Sun 24-Jan-16 19:44:04

YANBU. I think you know that you're not. He may not have physically acted, but he's at least crushing away and it's inappropriate.

mintoil Sun 24-Jan-16 19:47:23


I work with lots of men and the subject of how many sexual partners I have had has oddly never cropped up confused

no73 Sun 24-Jan-16 19:51:31

My ex was similar with someone at his Army barracks she's now his wife! I'd be spying and snooping to find out what was really going on.

Sorry this is happening to you as even if nothing is going on they clearly have a very close relationship that is upsetting you.

19lottie82 Sun 24-Jan-16 19:52:01

I wouldn't say they are definitely having an affair, but I'd say he fancies her. The name in his sleep would be the main alarm bell for me.

PegsPigs Sun 24-Jan-16 19:53:13

YANBU. This is how my FIL's affair started.

OTheHugeManatee Sun 24-Jan-16 19:53:34

YANBU. Hard to say if they're actually involved but he's definitely got at least a crush on her.

Hiddlesnake Sun 24-Jan-16 20:06:34

You've heard Dolly Parton's song "Jolene", right?

TMInamechangedprotectinnocent Sun 24-Jan-16 20:06:35

Sounds like my ex and his now-wife. One week he was saying we should have her and her husband round for dinner, the next they were out on a date having decided they owed it to themselves to explore their feelings. Beware.

Jibberjabberjooo Sun 24-Jan-16 20:15:55

No yanbu.

Why would be constantly cover her shifts? He puts himself out for her. I would definitely be suspicious and to be honest I would want to know if they were in contact outside of work.

wowis Sun 24-Jan-16 20:17:43

Yep I've been here too op with my exh name cropped up a lot , lots of 'this woman from work was saying ... ' Stories , then found a load of emails between them , aww I'll give you a hug next time you're in work etc etc anyway they were together 3 years in the end .
She dumped him in the end after wasting three years of her life with him ha! but it does sound alarm bells . Hopefully it's nothing . Sorry op it feels awful doesn't it . sad

LadyStoicIsBack Sun 24-Jan-16 20:18:54

YANUBU. You don't suddenly get that gut instinct from nowhere.

Plus the pretty revealing mentionitis, although ironically in this article it's being used to help blokes see when their GFs are about to cheat.

You've got a child so clearly just can't walk away but you do need a very very frank discussion and if he stonewalls you/blames you/minimises it all, then it simply adds to the likliehood of something being v.v. wrong sad

Has he displayed any of the other traits in this article, or any other kind of stuff (more grooming than normal, more time out of house, less interest in your one DC etc etc)?

Sorry OP

PageStillNotFound404 Sun 24-Jan-16 20:19:12

It doesn't sound great, OP. The fact he's being defensive when you question his odd/out of character behaviour and blaming your insecurity etc, rather than reassuring you and putting a bit more of a professional distance between them speaks volumes too.

I worked in an almost entirely male-dominated industry for several years, and have worked with dozens and dozens of men since. The only colleague I've ever had a conversation with about sexual partners is the one I ended up marrying.

moopymoodle Sun 24-Jan-16 20:20:00

Affair! Wouldn't suprise me If he's actually spending extra time with her after work rather then covering her shift.

Ultimatum time

dilbert19912 Sun 24-Jan-16 20:29:34

I wouldnt speak to any of my male colleagues about sexual partners or my relationship. And also, if my colleague was being inappropriate like this the only way i would mention this to dp would be to say hkw weird it was!
In what context did he tell you about the conversations about her sexual partners?

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 24-Jan-16 20:31:40

"He constantly covers her shifts , and covers her so she can go early and he gets home late."
Well, she's got him dancing to her tune! I doubt if anything has happened between them; because then he wouldn't try so hard IYSWIM. Regardless, he's got a bad case of strategically encouraged 'schoolboy crush', and he'd be unfaithful if she gave him a chance (I don't think she will).

You are absolutely NOT being pathetic and insecure; and you DO have a reason to have a problem with his behaviour. He is behaving like a total wanker. What is he meant to do? He is meant to behave like a fecking adult. A fecking monogamous adult. If he can't manage that around her, I would suggest he looks to change his shifts to the opposite of hers.

Gobbolino6 Sun 24-Jan-16 21:12:54

YANBU. He's accusing you of being insecure while giving you every reason to be.

AyeAmarok Sun 24-Jan-16 21:26:02

He sounds like a total sap. And that if he's not already having an affair, he desperately wants to.

Ohfourfoxache Sun 24-Jan-16 21:47:51

Oh Christ

Ya so so so nbu.

You might want to get this thread moved to relationships thanks

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