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to feel like I shouldn't have to pay to stay with family?

(279 Posts)
thelifeofamber Sun 24-Jan-16 19:11:52

So to make this short, my cousin lives in Paris and has done for 3 years now. Its one of those where you keep intending to go visit but then life gets in the way.

So we finally decided on a date and my flight is booked.

She has just sent me an email to say that I will need to contribute some money for staying in her apartment.

I'm sleeping on the sofa (which I expected) .... and I'm not expecting any food to be given to me.

Its for 3 nights, and if it was for a week I would of course offer some money... I just assumed (maybe wrongly) that if the roles were reversed I would never ask for money.

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-Jan-16 19:13:06

Can she afford to put you up?

HortonWho Sun 24-Jan-16 19:14:56

Ask why she didn't let you know she was expecting you to pay before you booked plane tickets.

AllTheMadmen Sun 24-Jan-16 19:15:08

I can understand for a mere three nights why your put out!

it all depends though doesnt it, I mean I would have to be uber uer desperate to ask a cousin for money for three nights! maybe she is - however maybe she is just tight?

maybe she doesnt
want you to go....

MrsPresley Sun 24-Jan-16 19:15:10

Well I don't think YABU!

If I had someone staying for 3 nights I wouldn't expect them to pay anything.

3 months yes but 3 nights, no way.

Did she say how much she expects?

Pinkhousealreadyinuse Sun 24-Jan-16 19:15:25

Good god, no, I wouldn't expect to pay for 3 nights. Yanbu! How much is she asking for? I'd probably just get a b&b as it's pretty cheeky. Did she ask you to visit? Are you close?

AllTheMadmen Sun 24-Jan-16 19:15:28

firsttly I would ask how much she is expecting

Hedgehogsdontbite Sun 24-Jan-16 19:15:43

How much does she expect?

AllOutOfNaiceHam Sun 24-Jan-16 19:16:11

Maybe she doesn't realise you don't expect any good. Or drinks. Or coffee. No breakfast. Or use her water or electricity.
How about you offer to buy food for both of you during your stay?

Princecharlesfirstwife Sun 24-Jan-16 19:17:27

Maybe you're the latest in a never ending run of relatives who have come for a free holiday in Paris?

usual Sun 24-Jan-16 19:17:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jan-16 19:17:52

That sounds really cheeky to me. I would expect to buy some groceries and take her out for dinner one night but not hand over cash. You're hardly going to increase her utility bills very much over 3 days. Very rude.

thelifeofamber Sun 24-Jan-16 19:18:51

She hasn't said an amount ... just that she and her partner expect a contribution.

Its not a case of she doesn't want me to go, we are close.

Jackie0 Sun 24-Jan-16 19:20:03

My first thought would be that she is in some dire straits financially, if that isn't the case then she's being a bit horrible.

user7755 Sun 24-Jan-16 19:20:37

What Princecharles said.

Arfarfanarf Sun 24-Jan-16 19:21:16

Are you visiting her or visiting paris using her home as a base? Or has she suffered a never ending stream of people doing that and become hacked off with it?

You don't expect breakfast? Lunch? Supper? Where will you be eating? are you planning to be out all the time? If so, then you really are using her home as a base and that's probably what she's annoyed about.

If she doesn't know you plan to eat every meal out, then perhaps she is struggling and needs you to pay your way food wise.

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jan-16 19:21:45

I'd email back and tell her I'd decided to book into a hotel, it would really annoy me. In MN parlance it's "grabby".

AgathaF Sun 24-Jan-16 19:22:22

Perhaps she's intending doing lavish meals every night, lots of drinks, etc, so thinks a small contribution would be ok? She might only be thinking of 20 or 30 euros.

That said, I do agree it sounds tight.

iciclewinter Sun 24-Jan-16 19:22:23

It's not usual to be asked for payment to stay with a relative.

Did she invite you to stay or did you invite yourself? Not that it should make a difference but just wondering.

Arfarfanarf Sun 24-Jan-16 19:22:29

A contribution for what? Has she said what the contribution is for? Food? Electric? water? the use of the sofa?

I think the best thing to do is to ask her how much she wants.

Then decide if that's a good deal or if it would be cheaper to book yourself into an ibis or something.

ijustwannadance Sun 24-Jan-16 19:24:11

Ask how much she is expecting you to give. If taking the pee then find a cheap hotel instead

Marilynsbigsister Sun 24-Jan-16 19:24:47

I would be straight with her If you are 'close'. Just ask her why she is charging for a visit and how much . If you really are close, she will tell you--. that she is living with a financially abusive man who demands receipts for everything,--

Pippidoeswhatshewants Sun 24-Jan-16 19:25:49

All of a sudden when you are living in a desirable holiday destination a lot of friends and family want to come and have a cheap holiday see you.

YABU, it is only polite to contribute to water and electricity.
Make sure you ask what they are expecting, so that there are no nasty surprises.

GnomeDePlume Sun 24-Jan-16 19:27:22

YABU

She lives in Paris, I am guessing that you arent her first visitor.

She is possibly quite used to visitors who dont expect to cost her any money but somehow end up costing her all the same. Are you not planning to switch on a light, turn on a tap? You dont expect to be fed but will you be sitting with your tongue hanging out for a drink?

We lived abroad for several years. I am afraid visitors proved to be very expensive. I admire your cousin's confidence.

bloodyteenagers Sun 24-Jan-16 19:28:20

So why are you going?
To see her?
As a base?
When you say no food how would this work?

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