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to ask how long is a resonance amount of time to wait before OLD?

(10 Posts)
thatdidnttakelong Sun 24-Jan-16 16:11:45

Regular but NC as my other posts are identifying.

Got a message from a family member yesterday asking if I'd separated from my H. We have separated but it's only been 3 weeks so not everyone knows yet.

The reason that she asked was because stbexh had been messaging one of her colleagues on an OLD site, found out he was married from his FB profile and noticed we had several mutual friends.

I'm not bothered that he's taken up OLD to find someone, that's entirely his choice and I definitely don't want him back. But he begged me too get back with him last week and claims to still love me.

AIBU to think that 3 weeks is a bit soon? We've been together 5 years and have 3DC.

thatdidnttakelong Sun 24-Jan-16 16:12:08

Typo in title, should be reasonable*

Oysterbabe Sun 24-Jan-16 16:14:46

I should imagine he is looking for someone on the rebound to help heal his pain. Defo too early to find a meaningful new relationship.

flanjabelle Sun 24-Jan-16 16:15:02

Ouch that's quick isn't it! Far too quick in my opinion. You must be stinging from that little bit of information. sad sorry op.

Katenka Sun 24-Jan-16 16:16:36

Hmm I think it depends on the situation and the people.

He asked you to get back and you said no. So he is moving on. Some people detach from relationships very quickly and move on by dating. What's 'too soon' isn't the same for everyone.

Some people like me take longer.

Or has been asking you to get back while he has been doing old?

If it's the second he is a dick and was edging his bets.

Either way it must feel like a kick in the teeth for you. thanks

SchnooSchnoo Sun 24-Jan-16 16:17:02

He's probably on it because he feels shit and sorry for himself after the break up.

thatdidnttakelong Sun 24-Jan-16 16:19:37

I'm not really sure how I feel about it. I'm more confused that I feel anything to be honest.

The relationship has been over for a long time in my eyes (long history of DV and EA) I'd just been waiting until I was in a position where I could cope on my own so I could LTB. So I'm not upset that he's 'moving on' so quickly because I effectively 'moved on' in my own head over a year ago.

What is confusing me is the fact that the break up seemed to come as a massive shock to him. He has repeatedly asked me to give it another go, etc.

I can only assume it is a rebound.

pocketsaviour Sun 24-Jan-16 16:26:51

Bit of a sweeping generalisation here I know, but it seems to be common for men to want to replace a relationship before the bed's even cold.

The majority of women, in general, seem to prefer some recovery time.

It's been 3 years since my last LTR and I know I'm not ready.

Birdsgottafly Sun 24-Jan-16 17:02:56

In my experience men who can be EA/Abusive need someone 'on the go'.

I came out of an abuse relationship and he was 'with' someone two days later. It hurt, when I woke up and realised that men like him aren't capable of real love.

My Ex jumps from Woman to Woman, because thankfully they spot the Red Flags and act on them.

I found reading the Links on the Relationship board useful.

MirandaWest Sun 24-Jan-16 18:06:56

I started dating a year after my XH and I split up.

My DP had split up with his XW three weeks before we started going out together. I'm as sure as I can be that I am not a rebound relationship for him. I think different people need different amounts of time

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