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Aibu to be raging at people's constant lateness

(46 Posts)
HellzA75 Sun 24-Jan-16 15:50:00

I have a friend, reallyively and sweet, would do anything to help you. But God forbid if you ever needed her to actually be punctual ever. She is always, always late. Always. She's always full of breathless excuses and apologies 10 times in a row. But I'm so fucked off with it.

Today, she asked if she could drop her DD round just for an hour. We agreed a time. 10 mins before that time she texted to say she was running 15 mins late because she's need to pop to the shop on the way round (why not go after she'd dropped her DD off?).

Well, even taking into consideration she told me she'd be 15 mins late, she's now half an hour later than her revised arrival time.

I rushed back from town to be here at the original correct time, and held back a late lunch, which is fast becoming an early tea. And I am still waiting for her.

I know she'll have got chatting to someone at the shop, as she talks endlessly to everyone. Or she'll have decided to squeeze in a totally random chore like checking tyre pressure. Because in her twisted logic, so long as she's on her way to meet you by the time she should ACTUALLY be WITH you (so 3pm today) then she isn't late. Because she's on her way.

She totally ignores the fact her house is a 15 minute drive from here. Or that she will spend 15 minutes in the shop, and therefore arrive more than 30 mins late to meet you.

Fuck right off. She needed me to have her DD between 3-4. I don't even know if she still needs me to have her now?

And she's STILL not here now!

I am so sick of her habitual lateness. It's driving me up the wall and it's starting to make me actively dislike her. Occasionally she'll do something really thoughtful like bringing round a homecake. But I don't want f*cking cakes, I just want her to not keep me waiting around.

HeyMacWey Sun 24-Jan-16 15:53:15

Call her and tell her you can't have her ds as after 4pm isn't convenient for you to have him later.

You're doing her a favour - she should bloody well turn up on time.

Doje Sun 24-Jan-16 15:55:42

I hate it too!! I'm on a rota frequently with someone who is half an hour late All. Of. The. Time.

Normally it means I do so the work by myself before she gets there. Once it meant I was stuck in the car for 20 minutes with 3DC's before she got there with the key! Drives me crazy, it's so rude.

mrsjskelton Sun 24-Jan-16 15:57:11

Same as my friend! Drives me crazy but NO APOLOGY!! I always tell her a time that's earlier than I want her and then she arrives at the time I actually want her.

winkywinkola Sun 24-Jan-16 15:58:52

Just say no next time.

If you're meeting for a drink or something tell her 6pm and you arrive at 7pm just before she arrives.

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jan-16 15:59:09

Yanbu, habitual lateness is just arrogant selfishness in my book. Your time doesn't matter and these people are so wrapped up in themselves they couldn't care less how much they annoy and inconvenience you.

hobnobsaremyfave Sun 24-Jan-16 16:01:13

Sounds like my brother.
Was due to visit two weekends ago, we had a prior engagement late afternoon so we asked if he could arrive late morning so we had time to have lunch together and spend some time with him.
He said he would text when he was on his way (he lives about 40 minutes on the train away.)
At 11.45 we had heard nothing from him so rang and he said he'd slept late and was only just getting to the train station so wouldn't be with us before 1/1.30 at the earliest. So we were just meant to wait around because he couldn't be bothered to set an alarm clock and get out of bed .
He does this all the time and my mother panders to him so he thinks there isn't a problem.
We cancelled meeting him that day as we had loads to do and had already wasted most of the day hanging around for him.
So flipping rude

Fallstar Sun 24-Jan-16 16:08:12

You agreed to look after her child until 4pm. I would go out at 4 and let her make of that what she wishes. You were available during the time you'd agreed to be there.

MiniCooperLover Sun 24-Jan-16 16:25:53

Did she arrive OP? Have you ever challenged her on her timekeeping ??

Muskateersmummy Sun 24-Jan-16 16:31:11

I hate this too. Lateness is so rude, it assumes your time is more important than that of the people you keep waiting.

girlandboy Sun 24-Jan-16 16:33:29

No excuse for lateness in my book. It irritates me to death.

I would ring her/text her and tell her you can't have her DS as you're going out now.

My in-laws did this habitually. "We'll be at yours for 2pm". 3.30 came and went, so DH said "sod this, we're going out". We had nowhere to go particularly, but we all went out. Cue a phone call later on his mobile at about 4pm asking where we were. He just told them that we assumed they weren't coming as they were so late, and we couldn't hang about any longer. It did the trick, and they've not done it again to the same extent

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt Sun 24-Jan-16 16:37:36

This would really, really annoy me too.

Fair enough once in a while, but all the time is just plain rude.

Please update us later OP.

HellzA75 Sun 24-Jan-16 16:37:57

She finally arrived at 3.50, full of apologies as always, and almost threw her DD through the front door because she was now really late meeting her Dad.

She swears she'll be back before 6pm, as her Dad can't hang around (except he'll have been hanging around waiting for 30mins for her already).

She just seems to live her life, chasing her tail and never catching up. I am not holding my breath that she'll be back by 6pm. But this is the very last time. I've spent half my Sunday afternoon waiting around and feeling stressed.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt Sun 24-Jan-16 16:38:41

girlandboy good for you.

Why should you wait around for hours twiddling your thumbs!

70isaLimitNotaTarget Sun 24-Jan-16 16:42:36

I agree it is rude to be unpunctual. Yes there are times it is unavoiable - road/travel problems but if you need to be somewhere, allow time to travel plus extra .

The patients who arrive late, then say breezily "Oh, i phoned to say I'd be late" ... (but they speak to the Admin Office not me) , because oh yes, phoning stops time doesn't it hmm
I can 99% of the time work round it, but sometimes I cannot.
If they are late again, I'm not sympathetic.

I once read that Jane Asher always turned up late because she "didn't like waiting for people".

So unprofessional. shock and "My time is so much more important than yours" behaviour.

calzone Sun 24-Jan-16 16:47:15

A friend did this to me all the time. She left me sitting alone in a park for an hour and 45 minutes. I had a book and the boys were playing but not the point.
I dumped her soon afterwards as I was furious.

No apologies either.

OurBlanche Sun 24-Jan-16 16:54:34

I go out/elsewhere after about 10 - 15 minutes, depending on where I am.

I don't ring or text and sometimes I take my time replying when they do.

My answer is always the same; "Oh! I assumed you weren't coming so I went to X."

Some take offense, I don't care; some apologise and we re-arrange.

I hate repeat offenders and can't understand why they don't see how rude they are. So now, being a tad too young to wear purple, I just sod off elsewhere!

BrokenVag Sun 24-Jan-16 17:05:22

So "just for an hour between 3 and 4" has become "at least 2 hours between 3:50 and 6" and you haven't told her it's inconvenient?! Have you got MUG tattooed on your forehead?

HermioneWeasley Sun 24-Jan-16 17:08:20

Agree with broken you should have called her and said not to bother! You teach people how to treat you.

Whatdoidohelp Sun 24-Jan-16 17:12:26

Doormat springs to mind. She does it cause you let her get away with it!

lacktoastandtolerance Sun 24-Jan-16 17:23:42

If you're meeting for a drink or something tell her 6pm and you arrive at 7pm just before she arrives.

No no no! If you're meeting for a drink, tell her 6pm and if she doesn't arrive by 6.15pm then just leave.

People do this because nobody ever stands up to them. It's rude, selfish and completly unacceptable. Don't enable them.

BrokenVag Sun 24-Jan-16 17:25:02

I'm opening a book on this. A fiver says she's not back before 7pm.

BrokenVag Sun 24-Jan-16 17:25:40

And another fiver says the OP says nothing about it to the rude friend.

WaitrosePigeon Sun 24-Jan-16 17:28:41

More fool you.

hilbobaggins Sun 24-Jan-16 17:31:38

Why don't you just tel her that you don't like it when she's late?

So exhausting all his rage that never gets expressed. If you told her you'd feel much less ragey because it'll be out in the open, not just going around your head.

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