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to think I'm failing my son

(15 Posts)
Ifyoubuildit Sun 24-Jan-16 10:14:45

I went back to work four days a week last year. It was a choice rather than a necessity, I felt frustrated and unvalued as a SAHM and wanted to do something more.

When I was a SAHM my DS was flying at school, doing really well and progressing better than expected. I've been back at work for a year now and he's really slipped at school and is in remedial groups for maths and literacy. I feel like it's my fault, I don't get home until 6pm by which time he's tired and homework is rushed. Not to mention that I don't read to him as much or do other things to help him along like a used to. He's in year 2.

I feel like a terrible parent and am thinking I should stop work. I'm not sure what else I can do.

theycallmemellojello Sun 24-Jan-16 10:27:38

I think being a SAHM is neither here nor there. I think that spending more than an hour a day on homework would be too much anyway, so if you're home at six and not working weekends you have plenty of time to spend on schoolwork with him. I do think that you need to make sure that homework is not rushed. Can you make stuff like reading aloud a bit more enjoyable by doing I cuddled up on the sofa? Can he eat and have a rest before you get home so he is a bit more refreshed?

Peevedquitter Sun 24-Jan-16 10:32:35

How much HW does a year 2 get these days or has he been sent to a high pressure prep school?

RubbleBubble00 Sun 24-Jan-16 10:34:19

Could the work be getting harder so he's struggling more? I was warned Y2 and Y3 things get tougher and my naturally smart dc might struggle and fall back as he has attention problems.

I've found hw in the morning quite useful as they aren't as tired and takes much less time (plus mine get up silly early).

maths and literacy apps can be useful if you sit them at the table while your cooking dinner to reinforce things.

Pop him to be 20 minutes earlier and have a bigger story time.

Ifyoubuildit Sun 24-Jan-16 10:42:04

Thanks everyone. He's at a normal school and gets 2x ten spellings, maths worksheets twice a week, one comprehension, a reading book every night apart from weds and two at the weekend. Is this normal?

At 6pm he's exhausted as he's been with his childminder playing with the other children. He's eaten when I pick him up but is really not in a good frame of mind for homework.

We tried doing it in the morning but it's always a frantic rush as he only wakes up 20mins before we have to leave.

If I stopped work we'd have time after school but I don't want to do this unless I'm sure it will help. It's such a hard decision to make. I don't love work but I don't hate it either and it adds a bit to the household income, even if we don't really need the money.

Ifyoubuildit Sun 24-Jan-16 10:42:32

Can you recommend any apps rubble?

SweepTheHalls Sun 24-Jan-16 10:44:52

That's a huge amount of homework! My year 2 gets 10 spellings, a set of number bonds to learn and his book is changed when he finishes it (which we do most days)

TheVeryThing Sun 24-Jan-16 10:47:01

My ds does homework at the childminder's, is that an option?

TeenAndTween Sun 24-Jan-16 10:48:00

a) That's a lot of homework.

b) Can you not get him to bed earlier and then wake him earlier so the morning is less rushed? We have always done spelling and reading in the morning as DDs much more awake then.

PalcumTowder Sun 24-Jan-16 10:50:57

Do you live with his dad? When does his dad get home from work?

Ifyoubuildit Sun 24-Jan-16 11:00:22

Yes I do live with his dad but he doesn't get home until DS is ready for bed. He normally comes in just in time to read the bed time story. One of the reasons why it wouldn't be feasible to get him to bed earlier is that DH wouldn't see him. DH also leaves early in the morning.

We tried homework at the childminder but he was too distracted by the other children.

I'm not sure if the volume of homework is because he's playing catch up, I know the other children only have one maths sheet for example.

sneepy Sun 24-Jan-16 11:04:46

I've recently gone back to work full time. We got a nanny who picks up my 2 from school, does homework with them, cooks dinner etc. She is happy to do playdates as well. Plus she stays til 6:30 so I'm not rushing to get back for 6. More expensive than a childminder but so much less stress for the whole family , maybe that's an option for you?

AutumnLeavesArePretty Sun 24-Jan-16 11:08:03

Ask his teacher if you can have the weekend to do some of the sheets. Use your day off to take advantage and do the bulk of it after school.

Reading can be done at night whilst a meal cooks or after where you relax for a few minutes.

Having a working or non working parent will have little effect on a childs education, a child is only as able as they are.

Most working parents won't get home until 6pm, it just needs a routine.

anotherbusymum14 Sun 24-Jan-16 11:17:27

Yikes it's a tough one. I'm not in either camp of sahm or working, so I'm not being biased as I've done both.
I'm not sure if his work is being effected by it and I dont know if that's your problem.
I think for sure it can be a long day for kids, and if he's not used to it, he could still be getting used to the longer day, or the general growing up issues, even work getting increasingly harder etc.
I think if he is happy and content that is a better signal to see how he is responding to you working full time. Mind you it's been a year now so.
I suppose our kids are only young once. If you or your partner think spending more time with him before and after school will be better for you all then maybe one of you takes a job with less hours, or if you think he needs someone around to be home from school earlier then as others suggest a nanny or au pair could be the solution.
You need to do what works for you all really. Maybe it's time to just rethink it all through until you're satisfied it's the best decision - whatever you are doing or choose to do.

Ifyoubuildit Sun 24-Jan-16 11:19:54

Autumn that makes me feel better, we do get his homework done and we have a good routine, it's just that its not quality time spent, it's always rushed. I don't mind if he's not able, as long as I know that he's not failing because of my life choices. DH would love for me to stop work again as it would make everyone's life easier. He's not helping as he feels it's better for the kids' outcomes for them to have a parent at home (as he did).

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