To ask for your best proven tips and techniques for getting over someone?

(30 Posts)
Flamingo1980 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:03:10

I used to believe the best way to get over someone was to get under someone.

For the first time in my life that isn't working. It's been seven months. I can't seem to move on.

What have you found that stops the pining, repetitive thoughts and fear of seeing them out etc...?

Custard314 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:05:08

Crime novels.
hate reading anything romantic.

Bluecheese22 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:08:04

I bin EVERYTHING! Every gift, photo etc and get rid of copies on computer/phone. Delete numbers & email addresses. Works for me. Hope you're ok.

InvoluntaryCelibacy Sat 23-Jan-16 22:09:01

Block them on Fb, delete their photos/number, be mindful so that you realise when you're thinking about them and try to change your train of thought, go out with friends, retail therapy and mainly TIME

Brummiegirl15 Sat 23-Jan-16 22:31:19

Completely sever ALL ties and I mean everything.

You delete number, you unfriend on fb, you block on fb. You remove photos from fb of the two of you.

You remove ALL temptation to contact them and you absolutely cannot be friends.

I've been there and it's so so hard and you are kidding yourself if you think you can keep any element of them in your life and it be ok. Because all you are doing is prolonging the agony

I was you. This happened to me, and I foolishly tried to be friends, because I still loved him and naively thought by staying in touch he'd realize the error of his ways.

Did he? Did he fuck. He met someone else and I fell apart all over again.

I was then single for 8 years.

But then I met the man of my dreams, I'm now exhausted from our 4 week old baby and we are looking at wedding venues tomorrow after getting engaged.

One day, it stops hurting and you realise life has moved on.

Big hugs - it hurts like hell

MammaTJ Sat 23-Jan-16 22:35:08

You never heard the old saying 'The best way to get over someone is to get under someone better'?

BUT you have had much more sensible advice above!

CaptainCrunch Sat 23-Jan-16 22:38:56

Go out with them again and focus on all their negative"qualities", you'll soon see you dodged a bullet.

wickedwaterwitch Sat 23-Jan-16 22:41:49

It's been a long time for me but:

Being busy
Lots of social engagements
Seeing other men
Definitely getting under someone else

BrandNewAndImproved Sat 23-Jan-16 22:42:54

No contact

madamedesevigne Sat 23-Jan-16 23:36:25

I retreat into my shell and read a lot. After one especially painful breakup I read everything Truman Capote had ever written and that really helped. Distance is also good. I've managed to stay friends with my last three exes and I even live with one of them. (We moved in together after we split.)I know this is pretty unusual though.

Cococo1 Sat 23-Jan-16 23:38:56

Pretending they are dead is surprisingly helpful

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion Sat 23-Jan-16 23:43:17

^^agree with Cococo

Because the idea of them is, technically.

littleleftie Sat 23-Jan-16 23:44:19

Absolute, total NC.

Every time they creep into your head you say "No, not you - fuck off!"

It can take time though so be kind to yourself if you are strictly NC and it's just taking longer than you expected. Just keep telling yourself he wasn't that special - to quote Natalie Lue.

ItchyArmpits Sat 23-Jan-16 23:53:06

Ruthlessly go around your home and systematically remove anything that has any connection with them. Bin all of it.

Block his number. Also block him on Facebook, whatsapp, instagram, email, anything.

Get your diary out. Plan something (even if its watching a film on telly, plan what film and what time) every night for the next fortnight. Helpful tip: meet each of your friends separately. You'll be desperate to be left alone to do nothing after two weeks of that.

Polish your nails, but do not cut your hair.

Careful music selection: Aretha Franklin good, Dido bad.

ItchyArmpits Sat 23-Jan-16 23:59:31

I don't know if this is hideously impractical for you, but if you have the option to gain any kind of geographical distance, take it.

ItchyArmpits Sun 24-Jan-16 00:03:10

If getting under someone isn't working for you, go the other way. Take a break from all relationships. Vow to turn down anyone who asks you out for at least the next six months. It's interesting, honest and when I tried it I met my DH four months in

kiwimumof2boys Sun 24-Jan-16 08:59:50

YY to all of above.
Write down all the horrible things about your relationship and him (he was stingy, cheated etc) and keep list nearby. Whenever you start to think of him pull the list out.
Helped for me. Re - meeting someone new- things happen when you least expect it. Trust me on that one!
Good luck, it can be tough ! but you WILL get over him.

MonkeyPJs Sun 24-Jan-16 09:04:28

The book 'It's called a breakup because its broken" is quite good - talks about the need to go NC for 60 days. If you want to be friends after that, fine, but do the 60 days first.

Theladyloriana Sun 24-Jan-16 09:39:12

But what if you've got kids?

redexpat Sun 24-Jan-16 09:58:46

Go travelling. Worked when i was22.

stumblymonkey Sun 24-Jan-16 10:01:11

Make a list of all of their negative qualities, annoying habits and reasons it didn't work out and keep it for reference

Remove any connection to them...FB, contact details, texts, emails, even LinkedIn if they're a connection on there.

Read 'It's called a break up because it's broken'

Talk things through with a counsellor/therapist....should only take a few sessions at about £60 an hour and will speed up the process

Do a mini-makeover on yourself

Plan a load of fun things to do now you're single

DrFoxtrot Sun 24-Jan-16 12:21:38

Definitely delete messages so you aren't reading back through and bringing yourself down. Plenty of time with friends and days out even if it's just nice walks.

For me, new underwear and new bed linen helped, he will never see them and it's like a symbol of a new chapter and a treat at the same time.

Flamingo1980 Sun 24-Jan-16 20:12:53

All brilliant suggestions thank you! I will definitely take on board your comments as I'll try anything.
I've cut off all contact and we haven't seen each other for months now which is helping I must admit.
I'd just like to banish those annoying thoughts that pop into my head that bring me down out of nowhere.
I really love your ideas thank you again!

Humble314 Sun 24-Jan-16 20:49:46

I haven't watched it because I haven't had a boyfriend since before the wheel was invented but I notice that there's a ted talk on getting over somebody!

thesnailandthewhale Sun 24-Jan-16 21:07:08

I remember reading when Jennifer Aniston / Brad Pitt broke up shee replaced everything in the house with new - I couldn't afford to do that but I did re-arrange the furniture, bought new bedding and a few new bits and pieces, chucked out the picture frames that had pics of us in and replaces with new ones with pics of me and ds etc. It definitely helped. A year later I moved house and that was a huge turning point. The new home was all my space, no memories of us in there and that made a massive difference.

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