About DD giving dvd

[walkinginmercury]

This is such a silly non issue but I can't help it niggling at me and I'm wondering aibu (more than likely) and it's possibly a build up of similar things as opposed to this one thing.

DD (4) has a lovely friend *Adam (6), both only children and absolutely love each other's company. Through the children myself and Adam's mum have become good friends and I really like her but she can be extremely precious over Adam but it doesn't usually affect me.

For Christmas DD got a box set of dvds from a family friend (title 1,2,3,4) and lent Adam 3 and 4 as he hasn't seen them before (DD still hasn't watched either) but last week I got a text from Adam's mum about how much he had enjoyed number 4 and she had gone searching for it but it's only available in the box set, I read it like just thinking what a strange thing to text about and thought no more about it. Then when we were out with them the other day Adam was nudging her saying "muuum ask" so she said the same story again about 4 only available in box set blah blah and can he have DD's one and he'll give her one of his old ones and without thinking I just said yeah sure no worries. It was only afterwards I was thinking why does DD have to be the one put out, she hasn't even watched it (probably wouldn't even notice if every one was given away tbh) but it's just like she always gets the short end of the stick and our plans, where we eat if we're on the go, etc always seems to get ruled by Adam mostly because his mum is much more sensitive to his desires being met whereas I'm probably way too easy going and will easily talk DD around to the new plans etc.

I suspect I have pms so go easy I'm probably seeing issue where there is none but it's just all starting to feel a little unfair.

[walkinginmercury]

So long and probably pointless sorry

[dementedpixie]

Tell her to piss off and buy the box set herself!

[AlwaysHopeful1]

I'm not sure why you agreed to it really. You could have easily said no and left it at that.
You admit that you 'easily talk' your dd round to new plans. That's something you can change. The mum asked which is fair enough.

[Lurkedforever1]

Yanbu. She is a cheeky fucker.

You need to ask for it back, and when she brings up the fact you agreed to swop, play stupid and say you thought she meant short term, it hadn't crossed your mind she was actually asking to keep your dds xmas present because her son liked it.

By all means remain on civil terms if the kids get on, but do not class this grabby bint as a friend

[honeysucklejasmine]

Sorry, can I check? DD lent Adam a couple of films. He really wants a copy of 4 of his own, but his Mum can't find it as a standalone, so asked could they just keep yours?

Bit cheeky to say the least! Why can't he just watch it when he comes over to play.

[mamapants]

Well she shouldn't have asked but I really don't understand why you said yes. How strange of you

[WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo]

What an odd request. I'd definitely ask for it back. Agree about saying you thought she meant short-term, not permanently.

She's doing him no favours if she goes to this much trouble to meet his desires!

[walkinginmercury]

I only agreed because the chances of DD being really into number 4 when she only really has 2 or 3 favourite films ever that she would rewatch again, but then it occurred to me that that's not really the point. It's her present and I definitely shouldn't have agreed but I suspect she would say yes anyway if Adam's mum had asked her. It just still annoys me that it was even an option to just ask and the boxset it actually cheaper than most dvds (but he has number 1 and 2 so it's probably more waste than cost she's worried about)

I was thinking of acting casual and saying we'll let her watch it first anyway and then decide?

[CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt]

Agree with your approach that she should watch it first and then decide.

Your friend does sound v cheeky....is she normally quite grabby like this?

[woodwaj]

You could say the person that bought the gift was offended and you need it back? But Adam can come over to watch any time?

[walkinginmercury]

No she's not usually grabby at all, she's normally very thoughtful actually. As I said though everything goes out the window to facilitate Adam though which can be very tiring and usually it only irritates me when I'm a bit pms-y like now or when it just blatantly takes the piss like now!

[bornwithaplasticspoon]

Just say dd has been asking for it. She might not be that interested in it now but at some point she might want it.

[zipzap]

Another vote for saying that you thought she meant to watch it another time before giving it back and it had never occurred to you that she meant permanently.

I'd also not mention asking dd - especially if they can talk her around - just turn their argument back on them - that you don't want to break the box set up, not much point having a box set if the last one is missing and that they can get the box set cheaply from xyz and if they have double copies of 1&2 they could donate to charity shop/children's ward at local hospital/school fete donations/sell on eBay etc...

Doesn't matter if it is or isn't a favourite film of your dd's - it never will be if she doesn't ever get to see it!!

Just say you're looking forward to watching it with dd and you love film 4 in the series too.

[Floggingmolly]

Cheeky thing to ask; but you said "yeah sure, no worries"... She could be forgiven for thinking you don't mind

[Motherinlawsdung]

Its very cheeky and you should ask for it back for your DD.

[PigletJohn]

It is possible to duplicate DVDs on your PC, but this would be breach of copyright so obviously I would never do it.

[GnomeDePlume]

YABU. I think the reason that your DD keeps getting the raw deal is that you keep agreeing to it. Stop agreeing to things for a quiet laid back life. Defend your DD.

[Valentine2]

I feel you could set a routine where there is a rule for taking turns in everything. For example, you could say that we can alternate between the two kids about the play date choices etc. Of choice of where to eat if you go out together.
As for the dvd, I think it's unfair to your daughter and you should let her watch first. If she likes it, Adam needs to return. If she does not, then up to you to let it go this time and be careful from now on.

[DinosaursRoar]

You are right, it's not the point - text back "sorry, caught on the hop before, and didn't think it through - I don't want to swap the DVDs, I want keep the boxset together as it was a gift, can I get the 4th one back when I see you next week? XXX (who gave DD the box set) will be visiting and they want to watch it together. Thanks!" (later on, XXX who gave the boxset had to reschedule, shame!)

By highlighting that it's a gift and therefore you think it would be rude to the giver to give it away so soon after Christmas before DD had chance to watch it is best. Then it does'nt matter if your DD "doesn't mind" if Adam's mum asks, you don't want to offend XXX who gave it.

[SouthWestmom]

Just text and say 'sorry just checking as I've been a bit wafty recently - you did mean borrow number four didn't you, not keep forever? Just tidying the films and thought I'd better check'

[DinosaursRoar]

oh and you need to toughen up for your DD, you don't have to let your DD get trampled over to keep Adam happy - if Adam is upset, that's his mum's problem to fix, not yours. It's not right that the easy going child gets an unfair deal because they don't cause a fuss - you are just teaching her to cause a fuss to get her own way, which could bite you by the time she's Adam's age...

[Leelu6]

YANBU. I would start to ensure that DD gets to choose activities and restaurants.

Otherwise, DD may grow up thinking it's normal to accede to other people's wishes all the time. Also, Adam will get used to getting his own way all the time.

[ReginaBlitz]

She's a cheeky fucker! Ask for it back.

[LadyStoicIsBack]

At 4 she may only currently have a few films that she loves and re-watches, but by Adam's age that will have changed IME. And it's just so bloody cheeky to have asked, KNOWING that she would be breaking up your DD's boxset directly in order to faciltate HER child having the whole se at your DD's expense. Am seriously at that level of brass neck tbh.

There is another angle this btw which you haven't even mentioned, that of the gift-giver? Someone went to the time, trouble, and thoughtfulness of choosing a SPECIFIC gift for YOUR child - if that was me I would be MIGHTILY pissed off at your passivity and just handing it over and I'd want you to remedy it thanks very much

Another vote for the you (pretty legitimately) acting as if it was a short term thing, thus creating an absolute expectation of it being return pronto as soon as l'il Adam has watched it once more!