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To hate being told "It would mean so much to me"?

(53 Posts)
NotTHEBupcake Fri 22-Jan-16 22:05:04

Anyone else get annoyed when you're invited to something fairly run-of-the-mill and told "It would mean so much to me if you'd come"? My SIL is a nightmare for it. Every invitation is followed by " It would mean a lot to me if you came ". This includes birthdays etc but also things like the time she had some overseas friends coming and decided we all (all her siblings, their partners and children) had to go out for dinner, or if she randomly decides to have a family barbecue because we're all so special to her (seriously).

I really don't believe that it means that much to her if I'm there, and I think she says it to guilt-trip people into attending. DH gets sucked in every time - as soon as she tells him that his presence would mean " so much" to her, he thinks he has to go.

An I being unreasonable to think that she cannot possibly care that much whether I go to these events? And does anyone else get annoyed by the use of this phrase for every day events?

NattyNatural Fri 22-Jan-16 22:40:04

Some people just use it as a polite follow up to an invite

NotTHEBupcake Fri 22-Jan-16 22:44:44

I don't think it's just that, Natty... She'll often send 2 or 3 follow up messages before I've had a chance to reply, saying how much it would mean to her if I'm there. It just feels very needy or something. Or like I'm having my arm twisted.

NattyNatural Sat 23-Jan-16 22:12:26

Then no yanbu

NotTHEBupcake Sun 24-Jan-16 22:26:13

Good, thanks! 100% agreement after 2 days of thread responses! grin

Latest request is for everyone (both parents and all siblings) to go and choose tiles for her new kitchen. DH received 2 messages saying it was so important to her that he came, and she loves his sense of style. DH has, bless him, no sense of style. Before we got married, he lived in a Batchelor pad which consisted entirely of shiny black furniture. I think she just wants the attention, and for everyone to Oooh and Aaah (she also has form for doing things like getting new carpets and then inviting us all round to see them... Won't tell us anything about them, until we all come round, because it means so much to her that we all came to see her carpets).

I think, in fact, my hatred of the phrase stems entirely from SIL overusing it to get her own way. And from DH falling for it every bloody time.

CaptainCrunch Sun 24-Jan-16 22:31:00

At first I thought you were being a bit harsh but the kitchen nonsense indicates she's using that phrase to ensure everyone does what she wants.

AlpacaLypse Sun 24-Jan-16 22:34:47

Ooooh you've got a drama llama sister in law!

I've got one of those too. Luckily DP saw through his younger sister's idiocies a long time ago. We do indulge her, but not more than once every two years.

WonderingAspie Sun 24-Jan-16 22:39:53

I was going to say YABU. I'd love for my siblings to come and see me more and make a bit of an effort, it would mean a lot to me as I feel quite pushed out and neglected by them.

But then I saw the tile crap (seriously, who needs anyone except their partner to choose something for the home) and thought nope, YANBU and it sounds attention seeking on her part. Is she hugely insecure or a particularly boastful person?

tibbawyrots Sun 24-Jan-16 23:29:15

Think I would turn up with a box of the cheapest plain tiles I could get and say "there you go, hope they go with the ones everyone else is bringing" and smile.

Just pretend you misunderstood the invitation.

Do poundland sell tiles? grin

whatdoIget Sun 24-Jan-16 23:32:05

She wants a family tile-choosing session? Wow, she really knows how to throw a party doesn't she?

AnUtterIdiot Sun 24-Jan-16 23:33:00

It would mean a lot to her if you... went and chose kitchen tiles with her?

I sort of sympathise, actually, trying to choose furniture or decide on colour schemes always makes me want to cry. I have no eye for that stuff at all. But it's hard to imagine a situation where I would want the whole of our extended family to be involved in those decisions grin

Humble314 Sun 24-Jan-16 23:40:45

I'm going to try and use that phrase to get my own way some day.

DancingDinosaur Sun 24-Jan-16 23:42:56

Are you buying the tiles or just choosing them?

WhereYouLeftIt Sun 24-Jan-16 23:43:22

Surely the only response possible to 'It would mean so much to me' is an abrupt 'Really? Why?' and standing there looking puzzled and expectant?

YANBU, I despise manipulation.

Akire Sun 24-Jan-16 23:45:15

Wow does she hold the chosen box of tiles aloft in b and q so the whole extend family can offer applause!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Sun 24-Jan-16 23:46:13

It would mean so much to me if my colleagues made the tea all day tomorrow.

LaurieFairyCake Sun 24-Jan-16 23:58:21

It would mean so much to me if you would cut out this manipulative crap and we saw each other at Christmas.

Fatmomma99 Mon 25-Jan-16 00:20:05

I was all ready to say "maybe she just really likes you", but you're right.


coffeeisnectar Mon 25-Jan-16 00:50:53

Please go to Tile day. Then make sure you choose tiles which clash with everyone else's tiles.

Seriously though. Tile shopping? For everyone? You do know someone will start a thread moaning about the family of 25 who were arguing in the tile aisle of b&q and the op couldn't get through for a tub of grout! grin

TopHat33 Mon 25-Jan-16 00:50:59

Does she have a dp to help her with what she sees as big decisions? Or is she asking her close friends and family for support on those?

It sounds as if she is struggling to be independent.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 25-Jan-16 01:53:47

Could you go to the tile ceremony, pick the most godawful one you can find, present it to her, look her in the eye and say 'it would mean so much to me if you would use this one in your kitchen' whilst keeping a completely straight face ? In fact, I think you should try to work the phrase in at every possible opportunity. <evil>

Krampus Mon 25-Jan-16 07:32:48

WhereYouLeftIt grin

Op That would irritate me too, that phrase should be reserved for bigger life events.

PolyesterBride Mon 25-Jan-16 07:36:36

That is annoying.

I also dislike people who say they are "devastated" about fairly minor things.

LaContessaDiPlump Mon 25-Jan-16 07:38:55

She does sound ridiculously needy tbh.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 25-Jan-16 07:44:15

Hahagrin, a tile choosing get together, does she offer tea and cake?

Isn't it more of a showing off opportunity?

Don't go.

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